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Thursday, June 23, 2016

A Caring Heart

As happens with post-divorce kids, it can some times take a little bit for kids to understand the whys and the whats of divorce and the new reality that will go forward.  I will say that my daughters have been very supportive over the years.  They want me to be happy.  However, it has still required explaining at times to help them understand.  That said, it has been a few years since I had to explain it to either, for the most part.  However, this last week, I had a discussion with my youngest about not talking to me about her time with her mom.  I asked her if she understood WHY I didn't want to hear about it, and she said, "Yeah.  You broke up with mom and she said something you don't like, so you stopped talking to her."  I had to stop her and explain... "No.  We DIVORCED because of how she treated me from the start and still treats me, today.  She does not act in love.  Do you know what love is?" 

Then, she told me that love was when feeling just well up from within you and spills over.  I told her how cute that was, but no....that is not love.  I don't blame her.  That is how society explains is something you FEEL.  Then, when that FEELING goes away, you are falling out of love.  Love is more than a fact, it is not the feeling at all.  The feeling RESULTS from receiving TRUE LOVE, which is acts of a caring heart.  LOVE is a verb.  It is actions.  It is doing things for another, because you value them, and it is not to get anything in return.  You can be in a relationship and it be one sided...that explains my ENTIRE first doing actions, and she taking it and expecting and demanding more without even thinking about what I need.  When two people are caring for each other, it establishes a relationship...wither that be as a couple, as a parent or child, or as a friend.  When only one cares for the other, it is a co dependent relationship of use and abuse, and the solution for that is ALWAYS to leave, because no one can love ANYONE to make them change.  In fact, they should not be trying to change them. They should be leaving them to find someone that DOES care for them.  And, that decision in my own life blazed a path to my current fiance that DOES care for me.  It can exist.  You just have to make it happen.  However, to be cared for, you must seek more than a warm feeling but being a priority and object of interest and sacrifice to someone else for which sacrifice as well...and that is called, LOVE.


Now...a side note that is not really related to this, but in the last few weeks, I have discovered something that is saving me a lot of money, monthly, so I thought I would mention it as a tip.  It is Sling TV.  I ran across it when I got tired of my high Dish bill.  It is the major normal channels you expect from your tv provider...I even have Disney for the kids...but I only pay 25 dollars a month.  It streams the channels in on your internet provider for devices to watch.  If you want to watch it on your tv, you just need a box for it, such as Roku or Amazon Fire.  Follow those links to pages for those boxes.  However, even if you do not buy the boxes, check it out.  It is an excellent tip.  If you happen to follow the amazon links and buy the box, I get a small commission, but even if you don't I want you to benefit from my experience.

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