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Sunday, July 3, 2016

Friends and Relationships

Just wanted to do a quick post on something that has been on my mind, lately, and I bet it is an issue that many other struggle with, as well...friends when in a relationship.

Now, I am not an expert, so I will just give my own situation and observations.  In my life, I have tended to have more women than men as friends in the past, as I am more sensation than many other men and concerned about time with my children, romance, and other things women also like.  I am not a shoot them up, like games, football, etc kinda guy.  I am more of a provider, honor women, dad kinda guy that finds a caring heart and liberal mind more sexy than a body...though I thoroughly enjoy the female body of my fiamce.  Poimt is that I don't share as much with most other guys than women.  So, over time, I have developed many women friends.  Then, I got into a relationship with my fiance and she satisfied so much of me and cared for me that I limited my friendships with women, which limited my social interaction in general.  Lately, however, I have debated that, when my fiamce was taking time with her friends, and I was suddenly aware I had no such friends with which to exchange my thoughts and life.  I have given given it a lot of  thought.  I need to say that my lady has not required me to not talk to my friends.  I just kept it limited, because I want to make her happy, and she gets jealous when a girl talks to me privately...so I don't often...and when I do I tell her.  I don't mind the jealousy. ..I get bothered when a guy talks to her, too.  Some consider this distrustful of our mate.  This is not for either of us.

What it is, instead, is why I write this blog post to help others.  What it is, instead, is recognizing that things have changed.  I am no longer my own, and she is no longer her own.  We are a we.  Friends are still a good idea, but friendships must acknowledge the other person in our lives and approach us as a couple, not a singular.  Therefore, communication should be such that it is public or relayed or shown to the other in the couple and get togethers with anyone of the opposite sex should be done as a couple.  Anyone that has a problem with that is trying to turn back the clock to make the perform what they no longer are...single.

So, yes.  I think it is possible to have friends of opposite sex, but it must be a non threatening support of your relationship and not a distraction from it.  Public exchanges ok.  Private exchanges rare and immediately disclosed.  And, all such exchanges supportive of the "we" that we were and not the "me" that exists no longer.  Always remember who is the central relationship that will be there when you need them, and honor that person with your loyalty and the intimacy of open trust will make all your days more happy.

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