I referenced this in passing in another blog, but I feel it deserves a full blog of explanation and exploration. It is a very common theme among those that harm and those who are harmed... ok other words.. pretty much all life's arenas. It is the conflict of grace versus justice.
If you are like myself and my fiance and others I know, you are a compassionate person that a user... or many.. have sought out to use and abuse our kind nature as a means of getting things from us without much care of our needs. I explained in the narcissism article why these two groups seek each other. Users are looking for someone easy to use, and those with them are often those that feel a need to sacrifice themselves to "save" the worst of the world. ..and, then, feel they are victims of the very worst they chose to be with.
I don't say this to condemn but as a former member of the "holy" enablers, myself. Then, I woke up and stood up for myself, as I hope all of you do. However, when you do stand up for yourself, you will experience something universally common to all such users. ..and, sadly enough, much of society will back them against you. They will ask for grace. Some may be honestly sorry and others manipulative. However, the pattern will be abuse, apology till they are free of guilt, and a repeat of abuse. This forgiveness and permission was what they liked about you from the start, after all. And, as I said, much of society and the church will back them and say....love unconditional and full of grace and expect you to forgive over and over and, most will ask you to forgive even without an apology, which God, Himself, does not do.
However, stop and consider something for a minute. Of the two groups. ..those seeking grace and those seeking justice, which would contain all of those doing the harm or wanting to abuse? How many rapists are out there asking for justice ...indeed...ANY criminal? No, they would all fall neatly in the grace camp. Ok... now, what about victims of those crimes or use? Do you think victims are crying out for grace of their abuses or do they want justice? With the exception of those that like pain and want to punish themselves, victims will fall in the camp of wanting justice. So.... now...knowing this, how much logic does it hold to say that those wanting grace are "good" and those wanting justice are "evil"... yet this is the message of many, today, that tells people to forgive and will condemn those who refuse to clear the wrong of their oppressors. In full clarity, they are calling victims "evil" and the abusers "good" all for the word. ..grace.
So, don't fall for the grace trap of continuous abuse or guilt fir leaving it. It is your life, and you deserve to be free, which even God understands in that He came to "proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to set the oppressed free." Luke 4:18. So, follow the will of God and be happily free.
Note. This is the last of many posts that will go into my book to finish by year end. There will still be activity on this blog but it will be smaller and spread out as this is compiled into the book.