Fashion Mags

Forward to Happiness Product Picks

Sunday, October 23, 2016

It isn't that it isn't



Denial kills more dreams than anything else and is the biggest roadblock to progress.  There are many things I didn't like about my time working at IBM, but one thing that I learned from an online training course, there, stuck with me.  It said that as part of their innovation process, it was essential to FAIL QUICKLY.  What they meant by that was to accept that it was failed and learn from it to apply to the next opportunity.  Otherwise, you keep re-living the same failed experience out of desperate but unfounded hope to get what you want.

The fact is that things are or they aren't. It is or it isn't, and...more importantly, it isn't what it isn't.  I can't even imagine how much better my life would have been and how much less psychological damage was done to me, if I had realized this in dealing with my ex that I knew within the first year of marriage cared nothing about my own needs or wants.  Then, there is my older daughter that I KNEW was self centered and a user.  When she came to me, after failing out of college and needing a place to stay and someone to pay for her college, I should have known from my own experience that what she needed was NOT someone to just continue to prop up her user nature.  However, I believed....without any history to back it...that if I came to her aid and paid all her bills and showed her an example of what she SHOULD do that she would respect me, take responsibility, and live right.  But, as I have learned over and over as I have grown, people do not change.  Who they are, today, is who they are, tomorrow, and, my daughter confimed all of that in taking all my money, living at my house without contributing to it, demanding when and where I took her, and getting pissed when I expected her to show responsibility for her own life.  This greatly bothered me but...what bothered me MORE was that I had even expected otherwise.  I was upset at myself for not LEARNING, a frustration I have had in every re-interaction with my ex or others in my life that have never shown interest in me.  YOU CANNOT TEACH EMPATHY.  People either have it, or they do not.   You may choose to be a martyr for them, but don't expect them to ever notice or appreciate it.

So. whether it be a relationship, a "friend" non-friend, a job, or a political candidate that has touted how he abused women and controls people and has said celebrities can do anything (why would you expect other than what comes out of his mouth and his own past), denial is a poison that the victim creates for themselves.  It doesn't change the situation or other people, it is only becoming a willing accomplice to one's own abuse.  Better to live and learn, take a step back to have a hope of a better tomorrow.  The longer you take to admit failure is the length you must wait to find real happiness.



No comments:

Post a Comment

Dress Lily

NYT > Arts

Harry Potter

WineSpectator.com: Daily Wine Picks

Gamiss

Daily Dish - Los Angeles Times

#ballet

#art

#tulsapac