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Saturday, April 15, 2017

Being a Victim vs an Accomplice

Once upon a time, I took a class in "victimology" that was a sociology course that studied the concept of being a victim and applications that it took form in doing so.  It's one of those courses that took prior knowledge, added society statistics and philosophy publications and just asked you to think about it and develop your own opinions on it.  I love those kind of classes, because they develop you as a person and teach you the skills to keep learning, throughout your life.

Of course, I do have my own applications from my own life, but I don't need to mention them to get across the point, because I am sure that we all have examples of both where we have been victimized and had others claim to be victims, and we have seen were some were valid and some where mentally created.  Some claim to be a "victim," and they are just lazy or lack commitment or desire.  Indeed, some complain about the wrappings in which a gift come or the manner in which an sacrifice is made, while others know REAL limitations of which they have no choice in the matter.  Some cannot help but make adjustments to their expectations and lifestyles, no matter all the ...."all things are possible"...and.."the only thing limiting you is you"  ...quotes that are abundant, online.  This is especially true when it comes to trying to change other people. You cannot believe that others should change, and you really shouldn't be trying to change them.  They are who they are, and if that is not good for you, then you should leave.

And, that is where this post comes into play.  You DO have the pen in your hand for your own future, and that pen is CHOICE.  There is the very old saying that says, "Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me."  History.  People show you who they are.  Now, BEFORE that was displayed, you have the complete excuse that you just did not know who they were.  However, AFTER that has been displayed, we all face a line upon which we become liable for our own abuse, if we were able to leave and choose to remain, whether that be at a workplace or in a bad friendship or relationship.  At some point, you take some of the BLAME for the evil that is done to you, by just ALLOWING it to be done to you without using your power to remove yourself from the situation.

However, some worship suffering, and they willingly subject themselves to it.  Indeed, they will not only proclaim that it is "christ-like" to endure the situation, but they often start juding anyone else that found freedom.  I have known this judgment, myself, as I left a toxic past marriage and sought happiness with the days that I had on the earth with someone that actually loved me.  And, what did I get from the church?  Condemnation that I was leaving that suffering.  Even as I met someone that I did love and found more and more happiness, the bitterness of some became too toxic for me to have around me, as their apparent ANGER at my happiness was threatening that happiness, and since they could not rejoice in my joy, I found less reason to call them friends or family than opponents. 

However, people don't change, and those that abused your nature or those that judge you for it will continue justifying themselves, often pointing to the Bible as their foundation for their judgment and proclaiming their anger "righteousness" and your joy (whether in new marriage or gay marriage or whatever) "sin."  I tend to think that the God that proclaimed the whole law about love would disagree.

People will be who they are, and some will consider themselves "victims" for even not being allowed to bind and condemn you publically, and certainly they are free to express their opinion (and they certainly will), but that does not mean you have to be buried in unhappiness to gain their approval.  This Easter, let the haters put their association with you to death, so you can rise again into the new life of joy without them.  It will be a much better New Life, on the other side.

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