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Sunday, April 16, 2017

Generational Demise .. Enabling Parents & a Narcissistic Nation

I was already putting together a blog on conservatives states attacking liberal states they fluently use, when my children provided me a link to everyday life, as well, of which most parents can relate.  Spoiled children demanding things of their providers.

So, today is Easter..or Ostere (within the Spring Equinox season of rebirth and new hope), and we decided to be extra good for our kids and gave them Easter baskets a day early, yesterday.  Aside from the criticism of the baskets having the toys in them tied down to hard, they eventually thanked us and went their way.  So, this morning, my love and I went out to see Fate of the Furious and a little coffee and Barnes and Noble time.  When we got back, the kids were upset that we had not done an Easter egg hunt.

Now, I rarely speak in critical and raised voice to my kids, but this elicited a non-loud but still stern criticism about the kids needing to be more grateful...noting that our kids have it WAY better than we did as kids, and they needed to respect the parents that were providing them ANYTHING, rather than demanding more.  Indeed, it reminds me of Harry Potter, where Dudley was complaining about only having 36 presents, instead of the 37 from the year before, and absolutely yelling at his dad for it.  Watch here...

While this is an extreme example for effect, it provides a visual example of what I am talking about, and it has, actually, presented an explanation of a question that I have been having....namely, how is it that we have SO MANY narcissists, today.  Think about it.  Kids are growing up in households of Enabling Parents (a label I just thought of that I think should be more used) that spend ALL their time trying to make the kids happy.  Indeed, EVERYTHING and EVERY FREE MOMENT in these houses are spent on exactly this.  Why can't mom and dad go on a date?  Well, the KIDS need our attention and to shuttle them around.  No they don't.  I didn't get half of the attention that my kids do from me growing up, and do you know what it taught me?  Self reliance and the ability to deal with my own responsibilities...a life skill that has taken me far.  Now, I am not preaching neglect or abuse, either, and my own father walked the fine line on that front.  However, there is an extreme in the other direction that can have an even deeper injury to the child, since a spoiled child not only develops an over-sensitivity to perceived "wrongs" of simply having to take care of themselves, but they ALSO fail to develop needed confidence and ability that will affect the whole rest of their lives.

And, this lesson fit perfectly into what I was thinking about conservatives.  I have grown VERY weary and irritated at the conservative condemnation of all things and people "liberal" and "Democrat."  Every election shows the divide in states by politics very clearly.  The center of the country votes red (republican and a good color as it is the color of anger), and the coasts vote Blue or Democrat, and the Republicans are pissed about that and rail about the horrible liberals that are destroying their country..... as they drink their California wine or wear their New York fashion or watch their New York tv shows or cheer for their Boston sports team, or go to their HOLLYWOOD movies.  Indeed, a lot of the conservatives are wanting to go to war, inspired by a HOLLYWOOD MOVIE of war and terrorism...and, then, they condemn the culture and people that made the movie.  Or they go to the ballet or enjoy art at the museum or music, but condemn the sexual orientation choice of those that made those productions or designed their clothes or styled their houses. 

Does this sound familier?  Yup, it is the spoiled kids that demanded their parents meet their every desire and demand...the kids that failed to appreciate or respect the parents, yet demanded they give them what they desire even as they criticized the method it was given.  So, these kids that were taught by parents that they were the center of attention and could tell their providers what to do, grew up into adults that feel entitled to receive from their relationship partners or other states the benefits they desire, even as they feel free to condemn or be critical of the way in which they were given.

As brains are set by the time kids reach adulthood, this is probably a lesson that will fail to be able to be corrected in this time period.  The formerly spoiled kids will continue to be spoiled adults and tell EVERYONE what they are doing wrong in giving them their "due"..however, I hope that this reaches a few parents out there to make the change were it CAN be received....with our children.  Maybe the next generation will have more empathy and care and there will be a little more "social" in our society.

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