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Sunday, August 27, 2017

Forward

 “The secret of change is to focus all your energy, not fighting the old, but on building the new.”  - Socrates

It took me quite some time to realize that truth found in the above quote, and I still fail at it, often.  It's a kind of relationship shell shock that settles into someone, when you have experienced the kind of toxic environment that leads to divorce.  You leave that divorce (or broken relationship) feeling shattered and depleted and having doubts about yourself...even if you are sure of yourself in the breakup's reasons.  

Then, that doubt and the response to it causes a panic to set in....what if there is NO ONE out there that gets me, and I will be alone?  It causes you down a path of re-examination that I would suggest that EVERYONE allow themselves the time to take, because you learn a lot about yourself in the process.

I remember when I started dating that a common occurrence that I would find was what I called the "walking wounded."  They were those that had not got over their ex.  Either they tried to make those they meet to be their ex and blame them for everything, or they would try to fill the void left by their ex.  Either way, their focus was still ON THEIR EX.  

That is what holds them back, and, if that is where you are, I would suggest you consider this.  Why are you taking your personal limitations and defining your solutions by the expectations of someone that didn't appreciate you.  If they didn't get you, why should they have power to keep you from finding something better?  Further, if they didn't get you, they obviously fail the test of being someone worth listening to about anything regarding you.

This is your time of exploration.  It took YEARS after my ex to REMEMBER and DISCOVER what I was and what I wanted, and by the time I met my NOW wife, I was much more aware of who that was in order to know that she fulfilled those longings.

This can be a confusing world, and, whether it be a relationship change or a geographical change, it is worth taking the time to mentally choose to STOP comparing it to the past that did NOT work, and start looking for the solution for how it DOES.  Yes...it's different, but that different can be good...very good, in fact, if you let yourself grow from where you used to be as you move toward where you want to go.

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