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Thursday, March 15, 2018

Be You... For You


I am doing alot more of this, lately....smiling.  I am very happy with my life choices, and that is the point.  I used to feel it was my "place" in the family to be the designated "male" asshole, since I had the penis...and I hated it.  I vowed never to be that person, again.  There have been a few periods of failing myself that I took on the "ugh, I just have to work THIS job that pays more, even if I hate it" or "I just have to raise my voice to get the kids to mind." 

Except... It was all b.s.  I usually ended up being barely any better off financially (if at all after paying benefits that wouldn't be used until I paid 7000 out of pocket in deductible), while working hard hours away from family for a boss that could care less for me.  And, all you teach kids by raising your voice is to fear you.  If you were a male wanting status and control, both of the above would be fine.  I have met many men that are only happy when they are the angry "profeasional" guy, but that is not me.

For me... The stay at home dad of 7 years in the past, romantic driven, experience person that I am, MEMORIES are my treasure, and my memories as "the man" was a curse.  The last few years of saying... I am gonna be me, for me, and find ways to enjoy my days may have drawn the ire of those wanting me masculine for their own ends, but, at the end of the day, I am smiling...and that's all I will remember.

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