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Sunday, May 13, 2018

Not Teaching ... Avoiding Addiction

I am a witch...a Christian one.  I have a magic blog and have written an entire book about the crossover, between faith and magic.  It is out there for a dollar at Amazon (click below)..


Magic has not failed me.  When I use it, it has led me successfully.  The PROBLEM is that, like many with their faith, I often don't like what it has to tell me and try to re-interpret it to fit the outcome I desire.  Like...Tarot.  In all my time flipping cards under the leading, I can only think of maybe one card that didn't match with the realities that were happening or would happen....even if it was the truth I didn't like.

A recent example happened 4-5 weeks ago and following.  I drew 3 Tarot for past, one for present, and one for future.  This was immediately following my having gone into the doctor for a nosebleed and having them tell me my blood pressure was high.  That's it...just high blood pressure.  However, I got fearful (without cause) and started making several changes in my life.  One of those changes was to decide to stop driving Uber.  My back had been having some spasms and with all the rest that was happening, I was considering getting a higher paying job that was safer, economically, for the family.  See my blog, earlier today, about the recent Girlboss episode we watched, where she did the same thing.....starting backing off her dream for security and found herself not recognizing herself.  So, I applied for a teacher job and was selected for the training program.

Now, everything I said about that was true.  I did want to do it, before I went into accounting.  I would like the co workers and the job.  However....I was LITERALLY laid out on my bed with back spasms, as I was agreeing to a program that would have me sitting for 8 hours a day in training and standing 8 hours a day in a stressful classroom on the job.

Here's where magic comes into play...those tarot cards.  The past one was that I had made rash decisions based on overconfidence....true.  That was how I ended up moving to Texas to make more money, only to be dragged back by my wife's ex.  That was my accepting a high paying job at IBM, again, only to have them treat me as they did the FIRST  time I worked there.  That was how I ended up at Sutherland, after everyone ...even the staffing firms...warned me how bad they could be...only to find they were right.  Hell...that is how I ended up married to my EX...believing she would change.

So, that was the past card.  The present card was withdrawal and contemplation...which was accurately a description of what I was doing.  The FUTURE card was the one you see, above....the DEVIL card.

Know what that card means?  Addiction.  It means you will follow your addiction.  Hmm....what addiction do you see, right above....the addiction to go away from my own interests and against logic for more money for others.  And, so...I re-defined it to mean addiction of wanting to follow my own dreams by driving and, instead, dove into my addiction.

So, as I had to stand up during family tv time, because after TWO HOURS my back was hurting on the couch, I am faced with the choice of making a decision on FAITH in HOPE of what I don't see my body being able to do in order to enter a stressful high paying job, or following what I see with my own eyes and accept the limitations on my body and to be who I want to be....want to BE, as I had stopped posting magic posts or political posts, as well, as they wouldn't look very good for a teacher in the new Gilead to be posting such things.

I don't know how long my life will be.  It may be a few years, or it may be a few decades...hopefully the latter.  However, what I DO know is that it will be much less stressful and much more happy to spend those years BEING ME, and so...I withdrew from the teacher program and will resume Uber and Lyft driving this week.  It may NOT make much money (likely not).  However, few other jobs allow me to stop whenever my back is hurting and start, when it is feeling better...and give me the freedom to be who I am till the day I die.  So, I am officially ending all professional pursuits and will dedicate the rest of my life to being myself and doing what I like, whether that be driving, blogging, or selling matter what money that may make.

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