Friday, April 19, 2019

You're Right.. I'm Not A Good "Man," and That's the Point

I was thinking about this the other day, when I was doing my foodstamp renewal interview, but I was too sick to post about it.  So, here it is a little delayed.

Not a Good Man

As I was doing the interview, I came to the part that I dread in talking to such people.  They asked how much I made for the family.  Specifically, he asked job I was doing for the family...this is AFTER we talked about how much money my wife made.  I told him how much I get from my various sources; however, the point was not whether I made something.  It was how it was asked. He didn't say, "Do you work?"  At that point in the conversation, I had not mentioned that I was making ANYTHING.  He jumped straight to the expectation and assumption that I was making money, because....I was speaking to him in a male voice.

Indeed.  In this state if I had been speaking as a woman, the most they could have expected was that the man would ask DO you work...not WHERE do you work.  In fact, this state would rather that a  woman NOT work...or take on any financial responsibility at all.  Just yesterday, I heard a radio commercial  in Tulsa, where the man was talking about a car lot and said that it was where "I would send my own wife to get her car, if I wasn't going with her."  A woman is not supposed to buy her own CAR in this state...why would she be driving in that car to a job away from the man.

Now, if that sounds like a precursor to Handmaid's I have been saying.  However, staying on a point that is shared by society out of this cult compound.

The expectation that I would be earning money was because I was speaking in a male voice.  A man is someone that wants to be working and earning and seeking high career goals.  In being critical of how much I was earning with a male voice, he was questioning whether I am a good "man" or not, which is the basis of all GOP criticism of men on food stamps.

Spoiler.  I am not a good MAN.  I never said that I was...and that is the problem.

My whole life, I have been judged on whether I was a good man.  My father questioned my manhood in not wanting to hunt and do construction with him.  My brother questioned my manhood in why I wasn't into cars.  My classmates judged my manhood for my liking other things than sports.  I would join the military to help quash some of those issues, only to have other soldiers question my manhood in not talking about fights or nude women with them.  My future corporate co-workers questioned my manhood in questioning why I didn't like football.

My whole life I have been made to feel like a failure for my choices, because it made me less of a man; however, if you back up and consider a woman in ALL of those instances, it would be completely normal, including leaving my work to homeschool my ADHD first child or raise my 2nd child all by myself from birth to age 2.  I have never claimed to be a good MAN, and I have not been one.  However, my whole life I have been a very good woman.

So, when you consider my story and my statements that I am a trans female, it is not an immediate choice or a change in any way.  Anyone that has known me my whole life would say that I have NEVER been a very good man, because I never was one, even if they would never SEE what I was, instead.

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