Saturday, June 15, 2019

Expectation and Gratitude

We get moments that are such perfect analogies of concepts that we file them away for reference of that concept in conversations.  One of those memories that I have regards my oldest daughter at Starbucks with the rest of us. 

She was an adult, more than 3 years after graduating high school.  She had failed out of her first year of college, so I put her up in my house and was driving her to school to keep her going (paying for her first year of college, till she could get financial aid back).  She wasn't working, despite our agreement that she WOULD start paying for bills, upon taking her into the house.

In this moment, I was buying things for the kids with my new wife and children, and she stood there....tapping her foot (literally) at why SHE had not ALSO got something from my money without using any money herself.

That has become my mental picture of the concept of the conflict between expectation and gratitude.  When someone is demandingly expectant, they cannot be grateful or the reverse.

In our society, we should all be caring for the needs of others, and that is why I was right to offer to take her into my house or drive her around.  However, that reaches a point of abuse, where those that receive the help must HELP themselves, if they are able (If she was unable to help, it would be different). 

After that, continuing to DEMAND gifts displays a lack of empathy for the giver, as well and should not be rewarded, or we DISHONOR the empathy of the gift at the start.

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