Thursday, July 4, 2019

Being Feminine

Turns out, I have no choice but to be feminine. I mean....I can change my APPEARANCE by cutting my hair and wearing masculine clothes out in public, which will cause conservative Tulsans to accept me..yes they are that shallow, and I can put on a masculine voice when talking to people we need to do their job regarding our healthcare and etc. However, this week has been an exercise in futility.

For those that don't know, about a week ago I got frustrated by feeling forced to be masculine, as I am not a masculine person. However, I felt the need to be masculine by several factors..

1. The need to work at a higher pay rate than I was working. 2. Judgment by locals for not fitting their gender stereotypes. 3. The need to respond forcefully to get Soonercare or doctors to care for my wife. etc

However, this week has illustrated something that I haven't known, till now. Namely, I CAN'T earn more than I am earning, now. I have spent multiple hours every day exploring options for making money online, believing that with my degree and experience I should be able to make more money. However, this has proven false for these reasons..

1. Where I CAN make more money in an online job, it requires hours that I CANNOT work, due to time required to do household duties and care for my wife's needs. 2. Jobs that are flexible to my needs are as low paying or lower paying than the options I ALREADY am doing. 3. No one I meet will even KNOW how much I am making....whether that be much or little...and conservatives will blame me for our poverty without knowing me, based solely upon our family income level. So, I am screwed anyway.

Therefore, I will keep my hair short for times I need to go outside of the house. However, I am resuming my trans profiles and femininity INSIDE the house, which will lower my stress level 90 percent.

The FACT is...I have no CHOICE but to be feminine and care for the house, so I may as well embrace the identity.

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