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Forward to Happiness Radio

Forward to Happiness Radio

Tuesday, January 14, 2020

Never....NEVER...Beg for Attention or Interest

You are a beautiful person in your own ways.  Those that do not notice those ways, like those ways, or appreciate those things are not those worth your stress or strain to change.  Move on.

It took me a LOT longer to learn that lesson my first marriage and experience than in recent days.  I did not apply that rule in the raising of my FIRST child, and I spent a decade trying to get her to show respect and concern for me and my time....the same failed mission from my extended "family" that were only interested in my life, when they could dominate my time and get things from me.

However, I learned in the early parts of this decade that the problem wasn't with me.  When I failed to live up to their expectations for me, the problem wasn't that I was not able to achieve a standard for which I never subscribed.  The PROBLEM was that they KNEW who I was from the start and....not accepting that definition that they saw...subscribed a DIFFERENT standard to me that I was doomed to fail, as it was not one created on who I WAS but who they wanted me to BE.

So, I am applying rules that I learned and applied to others years ago to those within my current circle, as well....though it shouldn't have been needed, as they are rules and standards that ALL of them knew when they got to know me.  Namely....I don't chase.  I won't DEMAND.  I am NOT going to be someone else.  If others don't like who that is, they can find the exit unblocked.  I don't have time for that.

A small illustration of this can be found in tv time with the kids.  I have spent the last 6 months trying to convince kids to want to spent time with us for dinner tv time.  It was usually met with sighs of frustration and irritated expressions.  As soon as the tv time was over, they would rush off to their devices, and God forbid I suggest a MOVIE length of family time.

So....I have told them they are free to be present or leave from the start.  From now on, I will not chase my kids to demand they LIKE spending time with me.  If they don't want to ...they can leave.  Instead of feeling strained by trying to get their attention, I can watch what I want to watch and spend time on social media among those that DO like the things I write, post, do, etc.  Things that I do daily with almost NONE of them noticing and going unread by them.  It's much like my irritated extended family being upset that I was not going to their house enough but couldn't tell me what I did for a job or what events I had mentioned on social media in that year. 

People either want to be with you or they don't. If they don't appreciate who you are, all you are doing is wasting BOTH of your times, as you could spend that time connecting with those that do, instead.

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