I am going to take a little time to go through a weekly update post. Some time back, I wanted to do this daily, if possible. That is not going to be practical, but I will try to do it weekly.
So...catching up on personal things...busy weeks, this may be long.
Let's start with the worklife area. Those that follow my social media and have followed my various blogs know that I work self employed online in various formats....freelance writing, data entry, social media analysis, etc. I had PLANNED to add to that driving as a part, but I am not as sure about that happening this year, after all. Part of the reason was that in early December my main source of income...Appen...had not only my project but many projects dry up in the work queue, which left me without tasks for which to be paid.
Now, pay with Appen is a month behind, so I knew it would not impact December as much as January, which it has. They kept sending notices that they had "escalated" the workload case and would be getting task in a few days ...a few weeks ...the beginning of the next month ....etc. You get the picture and so did we. Members of the group in chat started talking about this project they were applying as a substitute or that one. After the first week of no work and with my experience with Appen, I applied to another project and was approved....and no access to the project came.
I waited...nothing. I contacted them...nothing. The month passed, and I gave up and started applying for other companies, figuring that I was wasting my time on this project... a few of those projects have expressed interest in me as well as other companies. So, I have been preparing for the possibility of them.
I say all of the above to preface my getting an email from Appen in reply to an old customer service email I had sent them to tell me that they had discovered the problem. After I took the exam for the project, they decommissioned the exam and my passing scores were not sent to the project managers, so they didn't know I passed. Sounds about right for my experience with Appen customer service. Yet, they assured me, it was resolved and I would be working on that project Friday.
It's Friday...no access. So, I am taking a day off and writing this blog. Eventually, I assume, I will get access to not only it but the OTHER Appen project for which I was ALSO approved and had today as the start date. Meanwhile, as I have applied for EIGHTEEN different things so far in January, there is the possibility that something else may happen to supplement or replace Appen. I have an exam being graded at Lionbridge, an appeal in about a few questions I feel I got right on an exam with Teemwork, and a collection of other applications for transcription, phone work, and more.
Yet, even as I was searching for a new job, I was working at what I could do. So, in a month of no work, I have made 90 dollars in Usertesting, 25 dollars in Mturk, 12 dollars in Ipoll, and about 10 dollars elsewhere, which is no small feet when you are in job search and applying mode.
Needless to say, it has had an impact on the money I WAS going to use for a car, which might still happen in a month or two. We will see. However, for now, I wouldn't have a car TO drive for those tasks, even if I felt physically able to do it...which would be in doubt.
This area has had larger blog entries written about them, so I will be brief. My wife decided, last year, that we were not going to work as a couple. We had issues, but I was trying to make it happen and was doing large changes in my routine to make that happen. Yet, the attempts only frustrated her already made up mind, as I was not accepting it. This led to MORE friction, till I realized and came to peace with the fact that I could never win this situation. Even if she WERE to agree with me and try, she would not be there of choice but out of pressure. I will NEVER want to be in a relationship where I have to convince someone to stay. If they are not attracted to me for me and what I do, it will....indeed...never work.
I am also have also concluded in my own mind that no relationships work, so I am not planning on replacing this one with another one. I will, instead, just be me and live my own life and seek out social connections for friendships and short dates and pleasure. As much as I used to dislike those arrangements and condemn those who do them, they are what they are...no one can ever let you down, and you walk away satisfied.
After the last section happened, I concluded that there was NOTHING holding me back at this point from exploring my feminine interests and desire to be living more that way. I still have to work, as that is a given. Everyone needs to pay the bills. However....ESPECIALLY with no car and having to work online...there is NOTHING stopping me from being....and looking...as feminine as I want to be, as I do the work online. I have ordered and wore more feminine attire, and I am reading the magazines and books and tv shows that I want to watch...without having to worry if my wife was going to like it or others would judge me for it.
That is not to say that I am not interested in women. Even though I like BEING feminine, I find the feminine body attractive and can definitely enjoy it, as well. I am bisexual with a lean towards liking women, even though I am VERY aware that women would never accept me as a life partner for being too similar to them.
It is liberating to be free from social and marital controls. Since they have all rejected me, they have no say in what I look like, what pictures I am looking at, what sexual pleasures I take, or more. Unlike many of them, I am finally free.
Last week, we changed phone companies. We were not planning to do it, but ATT was out at our house to increase our internet speed and an ATT person was selling us on changing phone companies. He did his pitch, and we bought the lies he told....hook, line, and sinker. Now, I will say that we NEEDED to be on ATT for better signal than Sprint and the Iphone 11 is very nice. However, they failed to mention a few things. For example, they offer you a trade in value on old phones to apply to your charges at ATT.
What they fail to mention is that you must first PAY OFF your old phones on intallments, before they will accept them for credit. So, I ended up paying 800 dollars in expenses this week, as part of the switch. Not a pleasant cost in a month without work and another reason the car may not happen. However....the end result is better phones, better network, and faster internet with which to work.
I am going to maintain THIS blog for my personal, happiness, and financial opportunity posts, as they are all related to my personal, daily life. I am also going to be updating and using my 2020free.blogspot.com blog for political posts, godwitch.blogspot.com for witch related posts, and I will be creating a new Transgendered Blog and transgendered profiles for use in connection of that community and selling of products, though I will be keeping them anonymous.
Finally, my added thoughts from this week to everyone out there is to plan for YOUR happiness and YOUR future, because it has been my experience that your most solid supports WILL END, and you don't want to have spent your years providing the happiness of others and find yourself without and alone at the end. If others can't bear you being selfish about your own needs, it is time to exit that situation or reconfigure it.