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Forward to Happiness Radio

Forward to Happiness Radio

Thursday, April 16, 2020

My Experience with "Friends"

If you have been following me, you know that I have become really pessimistic about humanity and romance and more.  This is not a sudden development but a result of a long history....

I could go ALL the way back to childhood, but let's start with the last 20 years.

In 1999, I joined the military, after my wife at the time came to me in tears, saying that she no longer wanted to be a manager, which had been her choice...and she wanted to stop, right then. 

In response, I joined the military (which I didn't like) to pay the bills.  After I joined the military, she  went back to school for management and...ta a management job, which she took and moved away, before I could even outprocess from the military into which she had guilted me.

After I got back out, I was told by the school that my ADHD daughter was going to be isolated, because her questions were disrupting the class.  So, I decided to homeschool her for the sake of her self esteem.

This led to 7 VERY hard years of homeschooling, as she was not on medication, due to the objections of my wife at the time.  However, I completed it and kept her on task to enable her to enter high school and get all A's her first semester.

I'm going to jump forward and then go back to stay with this person, as it is connected.  Later that daughter would fail out of college, due to her lack of focus.  So, I paid for her college for a year, while I made sure she was staying on track, so she got her financial aid back.  I also put her up in my house, rent free, and drove her to and from school every day.  After all of that, she ran off and stopped talking to me, after I told her that she needed to get her first job (at 21 years of age).

Backing up, I had a 2nd child with my first wife, and she had a post partum psychotic break, right after.  So....faced with no income and a child...I did my college degree and used my financial aid to pay for bills, as I did 100% of the parenting of the new baby.  Upon finishing my degree and getting a job in Boston, my wife at the time complained about all the parenting demands upon her and complained about having to move to the job.  We divorced.

AFTER divorce, she would over the years try to deprive me from the children, use her condition and lawyers to refuse to pay child support (even though living in a rich parent house and having a job and income from Social Security Disability that I had applied for at the start), and would later receive a 3 thousand dollar VA refund to me...not tell me about it...hide it from me and only confess when I asked about it.

My mother and siblings had always been self absorbed.  Whenever I came around, they were telling me about things THEY had done, awards THEY had got, and things THEY had bought....even while I was struggling.  As I was selling my house to pay for my wedding to my second wife, they literally broke into my house and emptied it out and took things to their house.  When I asked about it, they sent the things to me with a note that said "have a nice life" and refused to come to the wedding.

Later, when my oldest daughter had been put in a homeless shelter by my ex (mmm...hmm), I told her to ask my mother and sister to put her up, and they REFUSED to give her room.  So, AS they condemned me for not being supportive to them and CLAIMED to miss their grandchildren, they literally turned them away when in need.

Work wise..I worked for Dillard's for several years and was promoted from shoe salesman to furniture manager, where I took the store from the bottom ranking to number 3 in the district.  Then, I would go to IBM and work for several years, where I was promoted to consultant.  However, when I left the companies, the manager and employees (who were friends on facebook at the time) turned a blind eye to my financial needs and turned me away from potential employment.  Further, the "friends" from there stopped talking to me or interacting with my profile and expressed no support.

Indeed....a few years into my second marriage, we moved a few hours away for a job, and we notified her ex and followed state laws for the move.  After we had moved and he was participating and AFTER the allowable period to object, her ex sued to drag us nearer to him, asking for her to be imprisoned, as well.  I got a loan on my car and worked extra hard and drove her to the court to fight all of this, and DURING it, I asked for my and her "friends" to help with a GoFundMe campaign.  NOT ONE PERSON gave a single dime to keep her out of jail.

Then, last year, her back had a major flare up, leading to a year of medical cost, appointments, and much more.  Yet, during that time and following, we have YET to have ANY of her or my family or friends offer to help, at all.

Finally, that marriage is ending.  I don't blame her for that choice, and it is not done out of bitterness but compatibility.  However.... it happened EVEN THOUGH I had done all that I did and do for her out of friendship.  So, my point is that even the most positive connection I have had in my life resulted in a net loss for my future.

I say all of that to say NOT think that ANY sacrifice for others will result in things coming back to yourself.  It doesn't happen that way.  No one is loyal.  No one is looking out for you.  You have to look out for yourself, or you will end up like me...poor and alone at the end of your life because your money and time went to other people.  Took me a life to realize this, and the rest of my life will be all about myself.

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