I have decided to stop letting others stress me out, as well as ending things that increase that stress. I was just thinking over the last 24 hours about how much stress and strain that I put upon my body, when I KNOW my body is hurting and that I have conditions like High Blood Pressure and High Cholesterol.
It is not just others. I have done it to myself, so I will address that, before I go on to changing mentality regarding helping others. I have been drinking often over the last 4 years. That was a dramatic change from the years prior, when I would not drink or would drink sparingly. I think that was in part due to the financial and emotional challenges that I faced, as well as a means of relaxing physical stress. That leads to caffeine that I have drank for decades, which is DEFINITELY not good for stress levels. Meanwhile, I have done way too much physical exercise and activity on a body system already showing signs of physical damage.
That last point leads to the next point. I often did that activity for the budget and for others..NOT because I felt they were asking for it and NOT to get compliments for it (even if those are nice). I did it, because that is who and what I am. I do thing for others. However, over the last 6 months, I have been looking back at not just the last few few years but my whole life, and I see that, as none of those I did things for will be in my future years, NONE of the physical damage that I did, stress that I endured for their crisis, or sacrifices made were of any lasting value...to me OR TO THEM. They won't even remember it, and if they did they will resent it.
I'm going to say the most difficult but necessary statement that I have said. Their pain is not my responsibility, nor failure to care for them or provide my failure. It goes against my nature, but it is the ONLY way I will return to a life that is necessary for MY OWN physical challenges that they often do not notice and will not remember...and again...if they DID remember my own physical damage and stress they would resent me having allowed myself to get to that point.
They will survive on their own, and they will be fine...or they won't and they will downward spiral. However, NEITHER is on me but their own lives. Like my older daughter that rejected me after all my work and hated me for expecting she get a job at 23, I did all that I could do and now it's on them. I must look forward.