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Forward to Happiness Radio

Forward to Happiness Radio

Thursday, June 25, 2020

Why Florida? My Life in Two States.

Some might be saying...ok, your marriage is ending, but why do you need to move to Florida?  It is not a light decision, but the case for it is overwhelming.  Here are a few reasons why Florida is...for me.. a path to happiness.

1.  My daughter lives there, now.  As my marriage was ending, and my future income is in development, I had to consider her present and future.  As much as I dislike my ex that lives there, I could not shake the truth that my daughter would grow up with a better high school in that houses with money and stability, rather than traveling with me as I pick up the pieces, even IF she initially wanted to do that.  I told her that she may not see it all, but it will turn out best for her.  So, she lives in Florida, now, and I am in Oklahoma, until I can move.

2.  I have a lot of connections to the state.  I graduated high school there, I had my first real jobs (other than mowing lawns, picking ocra, helping my dad, etc).  I went to college for two years there, during which time I was in a fraternity, led two student union board committes (movies at the sub and student activities), and was involved in religious groups.  I had a Disney annual pass, and I went to the park at least monthly.  I went to Clearwater beach and loved to listen to the waves.  It was where I began to live on my own, away from my parent and giving me a sense of independence.  I went to Rays baseball games and watched them on tv.

3.  However, I have as many reasons NOT to be in Oklahoma, and I will talk about that, below.

Some might have positive experiences in Oklahoma, and the state might be good for them, so I won't universally condemn the state.  However, my own experience in this state is a long history of abuse, friction, condemnation, and struggle.  I grew up in Oklahoma from 4th grade to mid 12th grade.  While I did, eventually, get a lot of awards in school, it was done with the GOAL of getting good enough grades and awards to LEAVE the place, due to my experience.  I remember a lot of things, like being continually picked on by other students and ball players.  I remember waking up with someone showing me their penis as others laughed on a school bus.  I remember being de-pantsed in the front school lawn.  I remember being rejected by a girl publicly and being mocked for even thinking she would like me. 

Then, there was my dad that constantly criticized me, even as he guilted me into doing things with him, and I remember the pain of his belt on my ass, often, even as I remember him NEVER telling me he loved me.  I remember constantly fearing, when he was in the house, so I would spend time in other houses.

When I moved back as an adult, I remember my car being stolen from my apartment, AFTER it had broken down.  I remember all of the romantic rejections I faced (many), including the current one.  I remember my daughter spending a week in a hospital, after she got pneumonia, during which time the church for which I was a greeter not only didn't visit but didn't bring up in prayer meetings on my return or comfort me at all.  In fact, I remember being isolated from every religious group I attended in this area, because I would not become a clone of their leader and had my own opinions.  I remember as I explored my gender and sexuality, being condemned when I did not look masculine enough and being mocked for liking things like the arts or when I was a Democrat.

I remember moving back to be near my mother and sister in the beginning and having them never visit me in my apartments or house, having them move two hours away from me and condemning me for not making the two hour drive...even though they never visited me.  I remember them breaking into my house, when I was in the process of moving and bagging up a lot of things from it and taking it back two hours away to their house without telling me.  When I found out, they got upset when I asked them to mail them to me and sent it with a note that said, "Have a nice life."  This....after I moved nearby and visited them, even if they were not visiting me.  Afterwards, they would invite and host my EX to spend a holiday with them and my daughter without me, telling me that she was more "their kind of person."

I remember getting a job just over the Texas border, following the relocation procedures and moving the family there for more money, and I remember my current ex's husband suing to demand we move back (at our expense) and trying to put my ex in jail.  I remember fighting in the court with money from a loan on my car, which was breaking down from all the extra driving.  I remember losing, even though the law was on my side, having to come back here with a huge bill for leaving the texas apartment and having to live out of a motel for a month, while I took a bus to work at the job that had overworked me before, and it did overwork me, again.  I remember this leading to back spasms and having to go to the doctor for high blood pressure.  All from trying to earn more for my ex and to fight for my ex, just to have all of that to become irrelevent as we prepare to divorce.

So... you tell me... is it just a case of the grass looking greener, or is it greener than the desert in which I have lived?  My own life has PERSONALLY been sht in this state and WAS greener and happier in that state, and I look forward to new years of happiness, there.

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