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Forward to Happiness Radio

Forward to Happiness Radio

Thursday, July 9, 2020

My Upswing to Happiness

First some back story for the uninformed..

Last November, my wife said that she no longer wanted to be in a relationship with me, and there were several reasons on both sides.  I desired that she show me the kind of care and support and interest that I showed her.  However, she saw everything I did for her as a debt or an indication of her inability, even though I had always willingly done things just because it was who I was and continued to tell her she would recover, one day.  Further, AS she recovered, she still wanted her stuff to be her stuff, even as I had given so much.

When we got married, I sold my house to pay for the wedding and our beginning expenses, which I did because it made her happy, but that fact is now an offense to her, as well as ALL the expenses that I did for her in dates, gifts, and more...tho willingly accepted at the time.  I have come to believe that relationships are a hole men put money into, as I have lost SO MUCH as a result of mine, over the years...including taking care of my daughter for 5 years without my first ex paying any child support.

However, AFTER my wife told me she wanted to be out of the relationship, I continued to pay at least and most months nearly all of the monthly expenses, over the last 8 months.  When we got and split the tax refund, hers went to work equipment and mine...ALL THREE THOUSAND OF IT  went to bills.  Then, when I sold my car to pay for bills and when her income dipped over the months, I drained my savings, as well.

After all of that investment money was gone...almost to the week, she applied (at my suggestion) for an SBA loan and now has 4 thousand dollars...none of which is available to me.

Let me pause and say this... can you imagine how much money I would have had and how easy it would have been for me to move to Florida with my daughter, had I not been paying bills on a house where I was not welcome...for a family that I was not a part of?

In any case, now that she has that money, I will be taking all of my money from July and August that I make and putting it away.  My OWN SBA application is in "duplicate status" error on their part that "could take a little time or a long time" according to the SBA rep.  If it comes though, I will buy a car.  If it does not, I will have enough money by the end of August for me to fly to Florida, pay for beginning housing or motel costs and getting and working a job, till and if my SBA money comes to pay for my car.  When that does eventually happen, I will start driving rideshare and delivery for money and to pay the bills.

After a long journey of hardship and expense on behalf of someone that rejected me and for a place that is not my home (including walking to get food several times a week), I am within a month and a half from freedom and the potential for happiness, once again.

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