For the last several weeks, I have been moving in the direction of self development and positive self outcome focus, as mentioned in recent posts. Rather than focusing on the past and loss, focus on what you like in yourself and what you desire that you do not have, yet. This has taken my attention away from looking at dating apps as much, since that just provides yet another avenue of feeling you are judged good or bad by the likes of others, when the reality is that you are a good reflection of yourself and those that can’t appreciate it are poorly qualified to judge you.
The final nail in the dating app coffin for me was the conversation I had with one, yesterday. It began simple enough with her saying she was a medic working in the covid area and could she reply that night, when she got off work. Then, after her work time, she directed me to check out her Ashley Madison profile, which is a site dedicated to infidelity, which explained her saying she lived with a “roommate.”
It’s not unusual to see that on the dating apps, now. They have changed a lot since I last used them, 5 years ago. Now, you find people that are married and want a 3rd for fun, those directing you to sex chat sites, and more. Maybe it comes in part from being an older gentleman in Florida, and they think I have money.. ha. Whatever the case, I don’t have the time or desire to filter through all the scams to find someone honestly into me.. at a cost of both subscriptions and dates of those unworthy.
So, I canceled my profiles and deleted the apps. My time (and money) is better spent on myself.. both to make MYSELF happy after so many disappointments and to improve myself, should I desire to date in the future. However.. two things...
1. I don’t NEED anyone to be able to please myself (sexually or otherwise). In fact, I’m very practiced at pleasing myself, after the last year, and I know how to hit my own buttons. Non sexually, the money I would spend on them will allow me to build up my house, wardrobe, accessories, and go to a lot of events. I can also focus on getting in shape, again, and I started a healthy wage to do that.
2. This is a perfect time for self achievement, not only in terms of exercise, as mentioned above. It is freedom to live the kind of life I like and to try to reach new goals in that activity. Just in time for New Years Eve, I can say that I will...
...lose 20 pounds.
...get into a new place and make it nice with furniture, tv center, exercise equipment, etc.
...buy new clothing, so I am not wearing the same garage sale and 5 year old shirts I have had.
...eventually sell this car and use more savings to get a dependable car made in the last decade.
...go to the zoo, museum, theater, and more... BY MYSELF.. I don’t need someone to justify doing it.
...save up money to invest with, which I like doing.
So, those are my 2021 goals. Then, MAYBE, I’ll invite someone to share that life with me.