Thursday, June 17, 2021

Optimism - Welcoming Opportunity

 I know how depressing it can be to have been failed by others in the past.  It can impact your ability to believe for the future.  However, you have to keep in mind that how you project to others can impact what you receive.  I've talked about it in my relationship posts and the related free book out of them, but it is also a financial concept.  Whether you grow or not often has a lot to do with what you believe about your future.

Almost two years ago, my marriage ended with my ex, and I went through all of those stages in relationship.  However, I ALSO went through many financial realities.  When a marriage ends, you have shared expenses that are no longer shared, and there are new expenses related to divorce as well as relocation.  In my case that was more difficult than many, because I was moving across state.  When that marriage ended, I gave custody of my child to my first ex (from a decade ago), because I knew that my ability to provide would be in flux for a while.  My ex lived in another state... half a country away, in fact.  Also, we were in the middle of a shut down economy, and the move was to Florida, which is more expensive than many states.

However, rather than seeing the reasons this COULD NOT work, I looked for how it WOULD work, since I knew that I was determined to make it happen.  I had used Ubereats for an income in the past, and I knew it was able to be done in another location.  So, I pulled myself up to meet the challenge by buying a car (had to sell the last for my ex's expenses), flying across country, book into a REALLY cheap motel, and begin driving.  Then, as I earned more, I moved from that motel to a better location, and I will be relocating to better in the months ahead.  I could have continued with Ubereats, but I took a job that makes a little less for a little official stability to show apartments and other benefits, knowing Ubereats was always there if I needed it.

This new job also has challenges... I haven't worked this hard in YEARS, but it is helping me get more fit and allows me to develop in other ways... like socially.  Anyone that  has been through a marriage and divorce knows that you spend years cutting time with other social connections for one person.  When that ends, you find yourself cut off from your one social link for years and distrusting connections with others... not just relationships but all.  It takes a while to begin to trust others, and I have discovered it takes practice to get yourself back to your socially bubbly person that existed before the last relationship.  However, that practice is kinda fun... even if a person is not a romantic partner but even just a customer, it helps you enjoy learning about someone else and interacting with another person, which is always a good adventure.

Bringing this back to the financial point, it is about how you perceive yourself and your future. If you doubt others and yourself, you will cut yourself off from opportunities and self growth (and you make yourself a negative person others don't care to be around).  However, if you believe in yourself, you can welcome new opportunities as an adventure and ability to stretch your legs and grow, as well as allowing others to see you for the person you feel has been underrated by others.  That's the best way to ensure others that WILL value you get the opportunity to know you, as well.

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