I’m going to have to do another chapter in my blog-book on breakups and recovery. I realized a big factor that is not covered adequately in it.
I wrote in the past that “the secret” in recovery is to focus on the thing you want and not the thing in your past, and that is true. However, there is another level to it that I realized in thinking over the last few days.
I had reached the level that it no longer bothered me that my ex was posting pics of herself to attract interest and said that I should, instead, post things that displayed my attractive features, as well. Then, it the light began to ignite in my mind, as I reflected what my features are.
Women are known for their beauty, much more than men. Men are known for other things. Yes, that CAN include the ability to provide or defend. However, the most attractive feature of any man (and myself in the past) was their ability to CARE for the woman, though that caring attitude is important to both genders attraction.
HOWEVER, I haven’t been showing that feature as I used to.. haven’t been using it. Why? When I did in the past, it resulted in pain. This is common in breakups. So, what do we do… we close that part off. We feel it betrayed us to be caring. Further, we look for others who will care. Yet, they TOO are closed off and looking.
So, we both close off the quality we are both looking to find. We sabotage our own happiness in the search of a safe source of it. I am realizing the only way to overcome this is to finally realize there is always risk and to value the qualities they rejected and to begin displaying that heart BEFORE one comes along worthy of it.
Unfortunately, this is chum in the water for narcissistic people looking for someone to give them what they want, and there is no way of knowing whether your future potentials are mutually caring or not until you give them a chance.
So.. I think the way to happiness must begin by giving it to others. Only then will you be attractive enough to attract the partner you need to reach both your dreams.