Last week, I was chatting with people at work about lessons I have learned about relationships and what it takes to make them work. Yes... I get the irony, as my relationships failed. That's why this is called lessons I have LEARNED... the hard way. I thought I would write several of them down in a blog in no particular order... just as they come to mind.
- Be Blind -
Many years ago, I read a book about marriages by a Christian leader, who would be among the first to be canceled by a coming cancel culture. However, one thing he said stuck in my mind, and I want to share it, here. He said that before you get married, you should have your eyes wide open; however, afterwards you should have your eyes half shut. I can just hear the younger cancel culture movement finding fault in that statement, since they challenge everything. But, I can actually use that to illustrate my point. All you who feel you should notice every problem and point it out... how is that working with your personal acceptance by others?
The reality is that everyone is going to have bad days, and marriages are two people that are in close proximity to each other... often. So, if you are looking for bad things in the other person, you are going to find them. If you want to have a marriage that lasts, you should be prepared to let some things go for the longer goal of having someone by your side at other times.
- Bodies Fail -
This is one that I learned years ago, as I saw and felt my own body gradually getting older and more aches and pains and such. After a certain point, your metabolism slows down, and you will NEVER be able to reach the point of high fitness, no matter how often you exercise... and the exercise might lead to more injury and pains. So, if your relationship is based on looks or sex, you are going to have a hard time as the years go by. Personally, I want someone that is loyal, respectful, supportive, and empathetic. Those are qualities that will last and will make getting old... together... not so bad.
- The Old Ways Remain -
There has been a lot of talk about different society trends of different groups and ideal politics. However, at the end of the day, women still want a man that can provide gifts for them and make them feel safe. Men will still like a woman that appreciates his help and supports him in his work and goals. Both will still like a family with kids that listen to them, and the kids want parents who work together and teach them how to address life.
- Simplicity is Golden -
Finally, romance isn't in the flashy events or trips or things you can buy. It's in being happy with each other... without the need of others to validate you or distract you from each other. There is a video that I think illustrates this well and is on several of my playlists. I want to put it in this blog at the end, so you can see it. It pretty well depicts a lifegoal for me.