I don't often do two blogs in a single day on my blogs, but I felt that it was important to do one about something that I think may be missing on the blog and to correct a misunderstanding that one could gather from my posts. Indeed, I fall victim to the misunderstanding, myself, on occasion. Specifically, one could assume from my posts that I am saying that you need someone else to make you happy. I'm finding more and more that that is just not true.
The name of this blog is Forward to Happiness. The intent from the very beginning of this blog was to focus on the positive... you find yourself in a negative situation and rather than lament that situation you focus on moving towards a better situation. As noted in my last post and The Secret related post, it is better to focus on the positive and what is to come, instead of the negative and what is lacking. However, too often I have framed that in a perspective of giving the end state of that happiness finding someone else that would make you happy. While that is a thing that CAN make you happy, if you find the right person to do it, it is not a necessary ingredient. Indeed... most of what you want can be found in yourself.
The last few weeks, I have begun to go out and do the things that I wanted to do.. artistic, sports, literary, etc. These are not new things. I used to do these things when I was on my own, before my last ex. Then, I did them with my ex. However, my ex and them got so co-mingled that I felt like I could not do those things, again, till I was with someone else. So, I began to desperately look for the one that would want to do those things with me and would like those qualities in me.
The problem is that it led to the assumption that my life was on hold until I found that person who shared those qualities. It also meant that I would not be BEING the person that I was... shining that personal light.. as a beacon to inspire those that would like it. It was like holding a secret wish list that others had to guess correctly in order to win me. BUT.. and this is important... EVEN IF THAT PERSON DOESN'T EXIST, you can and should be happy, now. The journey between where you are and being happy is the length of a choice, not a scavenger hunt.
In order to fully explain this, I need to speak a few unspoken truths that I have realized over my life. I mean... I have spoken them at times, but they are not popular to say, even though many of us know them to be true. What kind of lesson is that to leave our kids...so that they follow fantasies instead of solutions?
The first taboo truth that many of us know is that you don't need someone else to have sex. Hell... I sometimes have sex a COUPLE times in a day, and I am very good at it. There are a couple songs from past playlists that talk about this, and I will include them in his weekend's playlist. Indeed, when you are pleasing yourself, you are not limited in the situations or roleplay, and that can make personal orgasms MUCH more interesting than just having sex with one person in a missionary position. You are also not limited by the realities of your own body, and I will admit to a wide VARIETY of selves when I am enjoying that... similar to the roleplay between couples that is never talked about but funds a very lucrative sex toy business worldwide. Indeed, I live within several hundred yards of some places where couples come to enjoy their love and deepen their relationship. The sex industry is not just about adultery, as it is portrayed. Sometimes, it is inspiration. I haven't gone to those places, but I don't automatically judge them, either.
The second taboo truth from the other direction is that love is not sex and that many people are satisfying their love with others than their partners.. right now.. and this is true by both genders and in many ways. Let me explain. Sex can be a fun way to express your love, but it is not necessary for a romance to exist.. some level of touch is important, I believe. However, love is a verb.. it is feeling a connection to someone and wanting them to be happy and when you mutually want to make each other happy, you have mutual love. The unspoken truth is that many are doing that with their friends, pets, and in a non mutual way with romance movies, books, etc. There are many people that are in bad relationships that get their personal connection care and give it with people other than their spouse.
I know I have triggered a lot of people by saying that, but how many church groups, co workers, fan groups, and more fulfill that connection in people. Don't get me wrong, I am not saying that it is bad to be connected to others, and I feel that I cut off way too many people in each of my last marriages, because my ex at the time felt it was inappropriate for me to have connections with others or it was just mutually assumed that we both would not want that. Then, when relationships wane, we find ourselves cut off from... everyone. It is important to maintain those connections and satisfactions, even when married, because they can help maintain you when maybe your spouse is just busy with work or kids or such. You just have to keep a priority level of those connections so that your relationship partner always has first rights to you and you to them.
I brought up those two taboo truths to lead to this conclusion... you can be happy on your own. You can go out to experience life the same way, whether that be with another person or by yourself. You can be sexually satisfied with someone else or by yourself. You don't have to pause your life, till you find your romantic partner... you don't even have to pause your romantic and emotional muscles. Go watch a romantic movie or book on your own. Believe in love, even if you don't see it in your life.
Then, when you find the right person and make a new primary connection, it won't be because you are desperate or looking for someone to fulfill a need. You will be able to connect on a deeper level... a level that will transcend bodies aging and into the life to come.