I've noted several of these in posts and social media items from time to time, but I thought it would be good for me to pull them together on this blog that is dedicated to helping people move on from toxic situations or disruptions to finding a happier life. I won't be accusing or condemning anyone.. simply recognizing the necessary steps that I needed to reach in order to stand peacefully content and hopeful as I do, today.
1. I'm putting this as the top one, because I think it is the most important thing to realize in recovery, though the second one is very close to the top, as well. The main thing that you need to realize is that you are not angry at the other person or what they did to you (and this applies to both sides as both sides feel the other did them wrong). You are upset at YOURSELF for letting it happen. You feel the pain, and you feel ashamed at yourself for either buying into a false perception or of GIVING a false impression... or just not taking action on a mismatch of interests and talents from early days. Regardless, it's not them, it's you. Once you realize that, you can forgive yourself, and THAT is when you start to have closure.
2. Next, your time is better spent looking forward over backwards and what you desire over what you lacked. Your effort is better spent building a life you enjoy over complaining over one you did not. This doesn't necessarily require another individual. Simply... every day... say what do I WANT or what would I ENJOY and start making decisions to bring yourself closer to those goals. You have it within YOUR power to change the course of your life or to add things to it that will change your days, and I'm betting you don't want to go about feeling bad for your past or present readjustment period.
3. Perception is important. One can look at the same situation and feel alone and unsupported, or you can see it as being FREE to do whatever you want, like whatever or whoever you like, and feel good about yourself for doing it. If someone else decided to depart your union, they have no power over you and their objections or the objections of others that side with them no longer matter, either. Every ending is a new beginning.
4. Happiness... or being happy.. will look different than it used to look. This is especially true if you have been in a relationship for a while... both because society has changed around you and because you have aged and as such the realities of what you can expect and what would make you happy has changed, as well.
5. Finally, reaching happiness doesn't involve reaching a certain income or situation level. It happens in the length of an instant that you decide to be free and enjoy your life, today. Then, you can find and grow in the happiness of a new potential.