Monday, October 11, 2021

What Happens When You Meet Expectations

 I wanted to do another truth post.  I'm thinking this blog might just stay my relationship related one, as it is a different focus than the other one.  This point, however, is bigger than relationships, and I will address it on that scale.

One truth that I have experienced over and over again is learning what happens when you meet expectations.... or defy them.  Namely, you often get the same result by those holding you captive by their judgment.

It is often true that we spend much of our lives making choices NOT for ourselves but to please critics or to gain the approval of people.  So, we make relationship choices, job choices, residence choices, clothes choices, and much much more.  However, it is ALSO the case that upon making these choices for parents, friends, etc that we find they find new reasons to reject us or to diminish or fail to acknowledge that their tests for us were passed.  This is because .. and here is the truth... how someone chooses to see you from the start will remain a big part of how they will always see us, even if that is not true.  It is also true for how we see others.  If we believe someone will fail us, we will keep looking for how that will happen.  If we believe someone is doing their best, we will keep giving them more chances... again, regardless of whether either of those were true.

So, if you spend a lifetime making personal choices or spending money or more to try to gain the approval of another, you will probably find yourself depleted and regretful.  A better use of that time is to look for someone who believes in you from the start and supports your choices for your life.  Then, their expectations of you will be to be the best YOU that you can be, and they will see evidence of that in your attempts, instead of evidence of how you are a failure.  Among the worst company, you are always incomplete and unsatisfactory.  Among the best, you are a stunning work in progress.  And, my hope is that you will see others the same way.

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