I mentioned this on my social media this week, as well as another related thing, as something I learned over the course of the last few months and which played a part in my current transformation and ability to live a happy life. I'll do them in separate posts, because though related they cover different concepts.
I've always been someone that values independence, because only the independent are able to objectively make decisions with all of the facts and only the independent can be trusted to not be swayed. I also do not like carbon copies of carbon copies of people or movements and prefer those that are real. It was my independence of thought that helped me maintain my balance after life events shifted foundations. It was my independence and my value of numerical and logical fact that led me into accounting as a job, as well as being on my high school and college newspaper staffs and my blogging and book writing of my observations over the years.
However, it took decades for me to understand that all of that is just like learning the language. You then have to speak it, and speaking a language requires you to learn how it and society changes. If you stick to the basics, you will always be speaking yesterday's language and will be trying to force or grammar rules that no longer apply. If you refuse to adapt, you will find yourself unable to communicate.
That's how it is when someone that is logical like myself tries to force a THEOLOGY of right, based upon our own understanding or perceptions. I call it a theology, because we believe in that moment that our perception of right and wrong is universal and infallible. It is easy in that moment to see everything from the perspective of whether WE got what WE need or want, and that is one thing that is wrong with our society, today. Everyone is judging everyone based upon themselves, and no one is thinking or feeling about other people's perspective or wants. But, we feel that we must be "true to ourselves" and independent of the pressures of others that would keep us from our wants, even though that contains within it a hypocrisy that we fail to see. I failed to see it for a long time.
When you are trying to be independent of influence to get what you want, are you being independent of YOURSELF and YOUR wants in order to get what you want? Think about it. What if one of your own desires or pursuits blocks you from OTHER things that you want? Like... work is hard, and many won't do it. I chose more flexible self employment options for a while, because I thought it would give me more time and ability to be me. While it did, it also made me poor and unrespected. That and other personal pursuits influenced me losing my romance and increased my stress and health issues. So, following that satisfied one goal but cost more. A few months ago, I decided to let some interests go in order to get others I desired more, which is also the basis of a functional relationship or society.
Are you able to be independent of your passions at times in order to gain or maintain things that you value more? Are you independent of yourself enough to be able to admit your wrongs, change your direction, and do things for other people? If not, you will keep spiraling downward blaming others for not rewarding your uniqueness when all they want is happiness without having to change themselves to keep up with you? But... that's leading into the next post.