I've learned a lesson over the past several months that is related in part to the confession theme that I made a separate page on this site. This one is almost as important, but it's a distinct point that needs to be understood.
I'll lead off the post with some lyrics from a song in my most recent playlist... Hold On by Amin Van Buuren and Davina Michelle..
"I'm not easy to be around
But it's not easy to live without
A warm embrace
A safer place."
Sometimes, inside of a bitter or angry or depressed person is a scared little boy or girl or a lost adult. However, our society that is all about me..me... me.... never looks beyond how that person is treating you, either doing bad or not doing good. I have been on both sides of this over the last decade. After I found myself out of employment in the middle of the last decade, I spent years trying to find my foundation, self respect, and path to the future. In that time, I was distracted... distracted from my responsibility as a man and distracted from my connection to others. It wasn't just that I was busy. I was lost.... I had lost my purpose for being and means of accomplishment, and that bled over into my life. My ex would also have this challenge, and both were connected to our own challenges. We were looking to each other for comfort and inspiration, and neither were providing it.. and that caused everything to implode.
I think a lot of relationships end this way. I think it had a lot to do with why my first one did, as well. We judge the other person by what they do or don't do, rather than seeing beyond the face they show to the pain that is inside. If we did, we might care enough to heal that person and restore the face we are used to seeing. However, instead, we let it build up a history of neglect that is hard or impossible to overcome.
This year, I got another job that makes more money, and it has both resolved immediate financial need and more importantly provided me a means of self respect and accomplishment. As a result of this and a changed perspective of looking to the future over the past, I have been more at peace, more confident, and more caring to the needs of others. Being freed from my pain allowed me to become myself, again.
How often is the friction we face from others and how they impact our lives a result of their own feeling of being lost or scared? I've determined that in my life I want to try to see beyond the anger of others and try to rise above my current challenges to BE the person I would be if I didn't have them to others. I hope this inspires you to do the same.