I wanted to give a couple updates of a couple strides in growth that I have taken over the last several months, because... well I can on my blog.
You've heard me giving a lot of messages about being able to admit and accept your wrongs in past relationships in order to grow... EVEN if the other person was also at fault and even if they do not change in their ways. It's not about them. It's about you and the relationships you will have AFTER them. However, part of that all includes positive actions TOWARDS them.
For example, my growth has allowed me to give money to both of my ex's in the last several weeks. Before you think it was being a pushover, neither were expecting the money. First, many of you may recall that during the years that I had my daughter's custody that my ex did not in that time pay ANY child support. In fact, she had it written into the custody agreement that she would not. Now, this was in part understandable, since she had mental instability issues that gave me custody to begin with. However, even when she was recovered, she continued to pay no child support. When asked about it by me, she said she was going to stick to the document and refused to pay. When we swapped back, the document didn't include child support FROM me, either, as she had not been paying. However, I paid when I could.. NOT required... as I was also dealing with moving and new divorce expenses.. and car repairs and etc which hindered it as much. Now, I am back on a child support schedule that I initiated without her request and not legally bound to perform. Unlike her, I'm not sticking to the document but paying for my daughter's needs.
Meanwhile, my ex that refused my aid and provision at the end of our marriage has also accepted a christmas gift of money that I sent as part of my increased income. Again, it wasn't asked by her, and it was purely from me recognizing that she will have it harder this holiday that I will have, so I gave. We don't have any shared kids, so child support isn't a thing in this divorce, but I still recognize her as a person with needs, even if she has not made similar gestures or even inquiries since the time of our split. However, just as with my first ex, it has less to do with her than with me. I give as a provider to those in need, which is one reason that I will be paying off our entire housing bill that we got when her ex sued us to make us move and left us with a lease break fee. Half of that bill is technically hers, and she did get 10K from the SBA this year (which I believe is gone), but paying off that bill benefits us both, and I have the financial ability to do it and not have my future housing limited by this past debt with her, as well as eliminating a bill that I do not expect her to have ever addressed.
I do not mention these things to say negative things about them but to display positives things about me that will not be acknowledged by them publicly and are worthy of notice and, indeed, praise. I am a good provider with a heart that cares, even if the person I am aiding takes little to no thoughts about me. It displays a heart of honor, and for that I am not ashamed.
One final note, neither of these actions were intended to get them back, either. My first ex is dating one or two people. My 2nd ex may be seeing someone or considering it, but as she chose vendors for her instragram that allows her to take pictures in her underwear or lingerie and, as noted, has made no effort to express empathy or care for me, she is definitely not interested in me. The... shy.. argument does not hold if she is so revealing on a public forum and making comments with emogis to others on her profiles. I will say that seeing how she is on those profiles over the years is a major factor in my negative perception of the depth of anyone you would find on those venues. So, no.. all of these being true helps it be very clear my actions and my empathy are, indeed, selfless actions born out of a true heart.