Monday, March 14, 2022

Moving Forward Requires Action and Change

Years ago, I used a metaphor of a wave to illustrate the need for change, and I think it's a perfect time to remind myself of that metaphor and that need.

When you are surfing, I am told that you have to look for the perfect wave to ride... or at least a good one that will have some length to it.  This is much like someone that is looking for a relationship.  You want one that will last.  However, science teaches us something that affects not only that wave but all things.

Entropy teaches us that "things fall apart" as the crude explanation says.  As time passes, atoms spread out, energy is dissipated, things rust, etc.  Everyone knows this is true, because they are always buying new clothes, cars, and things to replace the ones that "wear out" or lose quality.  As one reflection of that, the wave will decrease as other forces push upon it, till it runs its course.  Then, you can try to keep riding it if you want, but it will have lost its force.

Relationships are the same way.  As with all things, they are new and full of energy when they first begin.  Then... time passes and things become common and energy dissipates.  This doesn't mean that a relationship is doomed, but it DOES require CHANGE and NEW to be injected into it to last.  That's why people go on marriage retreats or such.  However, some marriages do not survive the entropy that comes and end.

If you are at that place where a relationship has ended its wave, it doesn't mean that you were bad for looking for a wave or trying to ride it.  It could even have been fun, while it was going.  However, when it has crashed on the shore, you can either sit around reflecting on what a good wave that was for the rest of  your life, or you can look for the new wave.

If you want to move forward to happiness (the purpose of this blog), it will require rebirth and the energy to try again.  Sometimes, it can feel tiring to have your emotions at risk, and you can feel that you are looking for someone to "get you off the dating app" or to "stop dating" or such.  That is a very dangerous perspective, because what it is saying is that you are looking for someone with whom you can get comfortable and stop growing and changing.  Whether you are single or with someone, you should never stop improving yourself or your relationships, and anything that lasts will require a continual injection of new into it to grow.

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