Faith in What We Deserve

Faith is not just about what God will do.  It's also a factor in what we will allow.

For example, I got depressed a few times over the course of the last month, when I considered the struggle of my life and lack and the abundance or ease in the life of my ex or others that gave very little and treats what they have as little, even though it is more than most.  Indeed, my ex have complained about their "struggles" having much more than I do and being the instrument that created the conditions of lack in my own life.  The reason it hit so hard was that I did everything that you were supposed to do in the relationship and then was sacrificial a LOT in the year AFTER she had decided it was over.  I felt and feel that I DESERVE by KARMA or reaping to have received a much better life, as a result.

But, of course, our lives are often the result of our choices, and it was my choice to become connected to and to surrender things to that person.  I saw a meme, today, that said that everything happens for a reason, and the reason is often that we were stupid and made bad choices.

That said and to get back to my point, faith DOES play a part in what we allow.  It can lead a toxic relationship to end, because we believe we deserve to be respected or loved.  And, it can lead us to continue seeking a better relationship and putting forth the effort to get it.  

And, that's where I am.  I can curse at God for not having a relationship with someone that cares for me, or I can GO GET ONE.  Any day that I am asking it of God but not taking actions to further that goal, I am a hypocrite.  I do believe that God hears prayers and responds, but have you ever considered that maybe YOU might be involved in his answer?  Not all opportunities will lead to the solution, but you miss 100 percent of the shots you don't take.

I was thinking, today, how I have not approached relationships or dating the same way that I do money or even churches.  I went to another church, today.  I have tried 3 in Brandon, and this one looks like it is a good church home.  I have also taken actions towards another career, and... again... it looks like this one is the solution.  In BOTH cases, I didn't give up when one didn't work.  Indeed, when my jobs failed, I was out driving the next day.  

I need to use the same kind of determination in finding my next mate.  I need to approach it knowing that it may not work, but I can't know unless I try.  I need to accept each failure, knowing the next one might be better.  And, I need to keep shooting or trying until I reach what I believe I deserve.