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Sunday, May 22, 2022

What Worked in My Last Marriage

 I’ve said plenty about the unfortunate failures in my last marriage, but I’ve also been for maybe a half year at the healed stage to be able to recognize the good in it and like the memories for the good that they were at the time… and to like MYSELF that I was at that time.  It takes a little while to get there.

I wanted to do a post to talk about some of the good that I did, as it relates to what I will do even better in the future.

When I was dating my ex, I was taking her out at least weekly to do events, movies, ballet, restaurants, etc. I brought her roses and chocolates as well got deeper in the relationship.  I sold my house, such as it was, to give her a good ring and wedding memory.  When I proposed, I put the ring in a Starbucks jeweled cup box, because we did coffee dates a lot.  For our honeymoon, we went to a place away from things where deer ate right outside the window.

She was a Christian and a witch.. Hungarian family tradition.  In that, I learned that witches were not the “gonna eat your child” evil of portrayals.  Many live by a code of doing no wrong to others, as they believe it will come back on you.  As such, she was able to not only appreciate my independence but share it.. at least for a long time.  Her child was trans, and we respected that child in his decision.

For a long time, I was helping her at the house with her back hurting, and it felt nice to show her my care in that way, even though she didn’t end up seeing it that way.? She felt it make her incomplete to receive from me.

We rarely talked about politics, but we had discussions on many other things, learning from each other, and I regret losing a good friend bin the end of that marriage.

I say all of that to paint a picture of my romance past, and what I know exists… so I won’t settle for anyone that can’t accept me as I am.  If only she had been able to show affection and have courage and patience to try, I would not have ended that marriage.  I do not intend to repeat this life with someone else, because that would be a new adventure.  But, I am also not ashamed of my past.

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