Saturday, June 25, 2022

In Defense of Feelings and Weakness

First of two blogs that came together in my mind as I was driving, yesterday.

There is a scene in one of my favorite movies, You've Got Mail, where Joe Fox tells Kathleen Kelly that it's not personal.. it's business. She replies by saying..

"I am so sick of that. All that means is that it wasn't personal to you. But it was personal to me. It's *personal* to a lot of people. And what's so wrong with being personal, anyway?"

But, such in the society in which we live, where being personal or being seen as weak is the cardinal sin that you cannot allow to happen.  We live in a society where a man opening a door for a woman is not seen as an act of honor, chivalry, and courtesy but is seen as an insult that suggests she could not do it, which was neither the intent or message of the good deed.  We live in a society where people fear taking public funds because of how they will look, so they live in greater poverty than they need.  

Indeed, the other day I heard a commercial for Kars for Kids, where people can donate their car to children to drive, and I thought... why isn't there a similar program for the poor?  We will throw away cars to children that COULD get a JOB and pay for them and live in houses with little bills, but we won't give the same cars to people that could use them to feed their families?  People would rather die or let others die than admit that people can be weak.

One thing I have told my children is that they should always tell me when they have a need, because I can't do anything to fix it without knowing.  However, people walk around pretending everything is peachy and making everyone else believe that is the case for them.  So, the politicians and others see what they can see and conclude that everyone is great and the poor are just abusing the system, when the reality.... even before the pandemic.. was that almost half of the "good" people were paying for their expenses on credit cards that will eventually come due.

It's ok to ask for help.  It's not a horrible thing that a housewife that is raising children in a household or taking care of home expenses would rest upon the income of her husband to help and allow him to do things for her.  The PROBLEM is that men are not likewise letting their wife do things for them, as well.  Intimacy requires mutual vulnerability, but instead we have no one being vulnerable to each other and therefore no relationship, at all.  In my own life, I have always been open with my feelings, and that causes me to be seen as not "masculine" enough for not being cold.  But, one day I will have a real relationship with someone that can not only value that intimacy but receive help from me for their own needs and as a sign of affection, as well.

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