Sunday, July 10, 2022

Re-evaluating Romance

This week I decided to give dating apps another try and had an experience that has challenged what I thought about romance and me, so I am taking a pause.  I don't need to give all the details.  Suffice to say that they were interested in pretty much all the sci fi series I liked, so we had a lot to talk about.  The glow off that shared interest made me think that it could be something.  However, as the week progressed her intensity and interest was much higher than mine and pressure grew, before we had even met.  This had never happened to me, before.  But, I figured... there's so much shared interests on things, so I must be making too much of it.  Then, as we met, I noticed a lot of difference in personality style from both me and from what I was used to in women.  Even after talking with her about the pressure I was feeling and her backing off, that difference was too much to reconcile... especially as she desired much more time than I was able to give in a busy life.  And, so it ended.

Well, as I said this challenged my own perceptions and expectations of how things should go.  I believed that shared interests was important and that interest in each other was most important, and all of that was present (a lot moreso on her side for interest in me but I knew she was interested), but with the pressure and personality styles it could not happen.

I'm reconsidering several things about romance.  They say that you can't hurry love, and that is definitely illustrated by being the person dating someone that is moving much faster than you.  Shared interests, I think, make for good FRIENDLY conversation, but I think it fits best in that zone.  As I have said before, I think a romantic partner can be a friend but friends hardly ever turn into romantic partners.  I have also noted in the past that I thought that dating apps focused on the wrong thing by focusing on shared interest, when it was most important that people begin with interest in each other and not what they like to watch or do.

I'm not saying I understand it, now.  Quite the contrary.  I'm taking a break from dating apps and intents, especially as my schedule is about to get VERY busy as I near the beginning of my teacher job, while doing EPI classes.  I need some time to consider it all.  I'm NOT EVEN sure if relationships and marriage is as needed in older years as they were in younger ones as friendships can satisfy much of the social needs and sexual needs can be met on your own.  So... I have a lot to think about.  I'm just posting this as this site has always been my intent to help others with lessons I have learned, and I'm LEARNING I may still have a lot to learn.

No comments:

Post a Comment