Saturday, July 2, 2022

The Four Corners of Romance

In my Instructional Strategies course, the teacher put up 4 posters in each corner of the room.  I think she called it the Four Corners of Learning.  Each was a blank paper on which we would write things related to 4 major methods of learning among different people... Kinestetic, Auditory, Literary/Verbal, and Visual.  It is meant to illustrate the different ways people learn, so we can make sure our teaching touched on those ways.

As I reflected on those corners, it occurred to me that this was something that should be applied to romance, as well.  There are many books out there that talk about how people are different about how they receive and display romance.  The GOAL, they say, is to learn how people receive romance so that we can be romantic in the way that they receive.

However, I would take it a step further.  I think we should strive to show the person for whom we care that care in EACH of the corners of impact, so that it is clear and complete.  For example, when did you last show care by TOUCH (kinestetic), in things they can hear, in things they can read, or in ways that they can see?  Aside from the different modalities with which your person receives the most, it is true that people receive the most from things they are presented the most.  The more it is said, the more they know that it is true.

I'm sure that all of us have had relationships where our person did not show care or romance, much.  Unfortunately, I have a lot of experience with that from two ex's.  Their argument was that it was true, even if they didn't show it.  Aside from my doubt of that from how their care disappeared quickly after a breakup, how would that work in a classroom, for example.  Imagine a teacher said, "I'm just going to assume they are getting what I am trying to say," without adapting their teaching.  It would be as successful as each of my two divorces.  I certainly could have shown my own care to them more and in more ways, as well.

So, think about how you display your care for those close to you... relationship partners, families, friends, etc.  Do they KNOW you care?  Are you sure?  What evidence have you given them?  If there isn't any, you are playing a part in the distance that will follow.

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