Sunday, August 28, 2022

Personal Updates

Every so often I do updates on this blog, because I can.  I have always thought better out loud, am transparent in all my dealings, and feel that my life lessons can benefit others.  It also helps to build community, much like a morning meeting with the kids that I teach (from their side... I don't reveal that much about my life there, only enough related items and their questions).  Some of updates have been shared on social media and some not.  However, this particular website has been with me for many years (over 130 thousand views), even though content has been deleted and begun a few times.

I'm going to make this a longer one that touches on many things that might have been mentioned prior but is more thorough, before I begin working on school work for my HCC courses and school work for my teaching job.

How to begin... ok.. I'll begin with the fact that my finances are finally stable, again, as they were a few months ago.  However, that time, I made the decision to move towards teaching to make a difference in society.  That kicked off a series of necessary financial costs and constraints.  I had to pay for my statement of eligibility, after I realized I still qualified based on my ABCTE Elementary Education certificate, prior education courses, and my MBA.  I did not know what path would lead me into the job, so I also began subbing and joined HCC's EPI (Educator Preparation Institute) program that was a path to full certification.  That required my getting official transcripts from EVERY school ever attended with those costs.  The professor at HCC recommended going to apply for teaching jobs while attending, which I did and Just actually called me without me applying based on my application at the district.  Once I got the job, I had to do several workshops that took up time that could be used working, so finances dropped, and certain things needed to be bought for the job.  Meanwhile, HCC told me that I got a grant that would be coming, but they said that it would not be counted in semester costs, yet... so I had to pay 277 for fall in addition to what was there, because neither it or my second loan disbursement would be counted, yet.  Then, as I began teaching it would take a month to get my first full check by check periods.  So, all of my remaining credit and assets were tapped.  At one time, I was down to my last dollar in credit and went and delivered Ubereats on the weekend to get to this check.

I guess I need to back up at this point to explain why I was so low in my assets at my age, which will lead into another area backstory.  I have been married twice.  The first was a bad match from the beginning, but I was opposed to divorce and suffered (correct word) through a LONG period in that marriage till I finally understood that the God that died for me didn't want me to suffer.  I did get two children out of that marriage that I love, but I think I would be dead from stress long ago had I remained with that woman.  It was not a good match.  It ended in 2010, and I rebuilt from that to my second marriage in 2016. By that time, I had an old house that I owned, a paid off car, and extra in the account.  My second wedding would deplete all of that, along with related dates.  Then, when I was depleted and was no longer an asset to her, my second wife decided to end the marriage.  We had some issues, but she dropped me in a moment and refused counseling or anything else.  I help put her action in perspective, she never watched a show or movie twice.  It always had to be new for her, and I was not new.  As that ended, I gave custody of my daughter to my first ex, even though I really didn't like her as she tried to steal 3,000 from me by cashing a check of mine in her account a few years prior, because my life was going to be very turbulent in the coming years.  After 9 months of having to live with the person that rejected me (hell), I moved to Florida where my daughter now was.... with nothing more than a suitcase and enough money to buy a car here with which to drive Uber to begin.  

For the first 6 months, I lived in a VERY poor area of Tampa.. the place even had bars and fences surrounding it, so you had to go in and out from the front desk for security.  They didn't allow over night guests, and I feared walking outside of the place at night for my safety.  Then, I earned enough to move to a better extended stay place, which is overpriced but I couldn't get into a good apartment due to a past housing bill caused by a forced move with my ex when her ex sued us to bring us closer to himself... another story of stress and lost assets.  In the time that I have lived here, I have had my car stolen, auto repair costs, and medical bills when my daughter broke her arm at a school causing her to have to get a plate put in it.  So... it has been a financial journey.

But, I now have my first full check and it was enough to get me back on monthly at my extended stay and cover necessary expenses to the next check.  I also got word that my grant is FINALLY depositing by Mon-Tues for 750 in my account, so I will have near a thousand over costs by that time.  My pay is FAR over my necessary expenses for living, as I am just a single guy, so it will only increase from here, which will be good for saving for retirement over the next 10-12 years or so and rebuilding my life.  My second loan disbursement will hit in october.  Between new assets and that, I will pay off that old housing bill (even though half is technically my ex's) and be able to get into a better, cheaper place.

Exhausted yet?

It's also a good career.  I wasn't as sure the first few weeks.  It was like boot camp in the military for me.  I was struggling through and wondering if I made a mistake.  However, after the first few weeks of both I felt more confident that if I could handle THAT I could handle it all.  Once the stress level dropped, it began to get fun, like I expected it would be, and I expect it will continue to get more fun as I put my personal spin on things.

I mentioned prior that I had started dating someone in July-Aug.  It wasn't that long, but we had known each other for over a year and as such went faster.  However, when she went to church with me and said she felt God tell her to break up with me (in a text on my way home after a weekend with her at her request... yeah that happened) it triggered old fears similar to my ex ending things.  So, for the last month, I have been struggling not as much with my dating experience but the now reopened wound from the past, personal confidence, and whether I am willing to expose myself to new risks.  In my HEAD I am ready, but I keep feeling hesitation to at least catch my breath and re-center myself.  I have begun the process of that re-centering and DO feel much more stable and ready.  I've cycled through the stages and recognize that all life includes risk, have forgiven myself for taking past risk (a necessary step), and am open to new opportunities.  I've expanded my view beyond my defensive view with blinders on and have felt certain things from time to time in different scenarios.  However, I recognize I am not fully there yet, and it's not fair to begin till I am.  So, I have planned more solo fun activities for next weekend and will continue to enjoy my life till I do feel ready or something happens naturally.

So... that should pretty much hit the highlights.  Have a good week ahead.  I typically only blog post on weekends.

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