Saturday, August 13, 2022

There is No Safe Group - Potential or Pitfalls in All

Second post this weekend... dealing with something that I experienced and processed over the last several weeks and in the forgotten past.  I already noted what happened in my update post, so I won't go into it, here.. other than as it applies to this truth.

One of the things that all people do, including myself, is to look for a safe group for future potentials, after being hurt by someone in the one that we had considered safe.  When I was married to my first wife, she was very religious.  Indeed, when I met her she was a chorus director at a religious campus group.  I felt that I was making the right choice in part BECAUSE of her faith.  However, that would not stop interpersonal conflicts from happening over time.  Indeed, when she was having a mental break from her psychological condition, she was VERY religious, which was in fact a symptom of her delusional state.  Then, when the marriage ended, I had and have had a hard time finding a new church that would accept someone that was divorced as being a true believer... even if the person left the toxic relationship that was wounding them to a path of healing.

So, I looked for friends and more OUTSIDE of the church among those I had once condemned... athiests, other faiths, witches and more.  In that journey, I found many people that were in fact more real and in some cases more spiritual than those I knew in the church.  I found that they had their own codes of ethics and that many beliefs among the different groups in fact said and practiced the same things by different methods or words.  In the course of that openness, I met and married a witch.... Hungarian family witch in fact.  We didn't judge each other and I came to learn and integrate some of those things into my own life, such as using the cycles of the moon for timing of prayers for growth of good or reduction of bad and so on.  I learned that most witches don't believe in using magic to harm others, feeling that it would in fact come back on you for doing it... which mirrors reaping what you sow in Christianity.

Then, that marriage ended against my wishes and hurt me a lot.  So, I believed that I should look for those that were Christian and conservative, running away from what had hurt me.  But, a couple times in that quest I found those that were just as self centered, non-empathetic, or even showing the same turn and burn bridge actions that I saw in my ex.

My point that I want to make is this.  No matter what dating apps want you to believe about using "filters" to remove groups from your list of self curated "matches" that you would consider safe, there is no safe group... not conservative, liberal, your religion, not your religion, another race, or even another sex or gender from your past selection.  All groups will have people that might hurt you and might bring you joy, because they all contain people... and people can't really be accurately grouped and all have choices to make that will affect the outcome.

We can't filter away risk, and the attempt will only end up shuttering our doors and leading us to a path of being more and more alone.

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