It’s becoming more and more apparent that I might be single the rest of my life. I’m still out there trying, but if that’s the case I’m coming to be ok with that. I have a romantic nature, but I could always begin writing, again, if I wanted to use that.. or there are other ways for more temporary use like dating to just date. That’s not really part of this post’s point. Just wanted to say it.
What I wanted to say in this post is that one problem we have in dating and relationships is an extension of the “grass is always greener” deception. But, my point is not to say we should look for the absolute facts in things but learn to value the illusion at times, if it leads to happiness.
I’ve lived my years and have been in many groups and circles. There has been years that I was in professional circles and sat in board meetings with people that made decisions affecting billions of dollars. I’ve been on the inside as driver for an artillery battery first Sargent. I’ve been an IRS agent talking to CEOs and owners of mom and pop stores. I’ve been a stay at home dad, caring for children. I’ve been a youth minister and church representative to general conference. I’ve been a very vocal Republican and Democratic at different times. There was even a period of years when I questioned my gender and explored my feminine side of personality (everyone has both to different degrees) and other when I was man of the house and provider. What I learned in all of this is that all of it is illusion.
What do I mean? Let’s start with men and women. The image of a woman that men see and desire is an illusion propagated by woman’s magazines. It’s not actually possible for a woman to be all that they say they should be, and women are constantly feeling bad about not being a “normal” woman in magazines and films played by actresses paid to … act. The same is true on the reverse side for men that are not living up to the image of men in films, books, and magazines that are trying to sell things like testosterone to be “normal” that ignore the question why you’d need a chemical to change the normal cycle of aging to do it.
Most people also try to be as rich and independent as those they see with houses and cars and clothes, while they don’t know that the MAJORITY of those in upper middle class have a HUGE debt supporting that lifestyle.
People in executive positions are assumed to have experience and wisdom, while MY experience is that those at the top often have little of either. They often come from other industries and have little knowledge how to even DO the jobs below them. It is also assumed that workers are hard at work in their jobs, but what I’ve seen is most are having conversations, watching YouTube, or other distractions for much of their paid, professional work.
I can go on, but you get the picture. My goal is NOT to say, however, that it all hopeless but to find hope. Cut yourself a break. You’re probably feeling the same things as others and doing your best. When you find that a romance is not like the movies then watch a movie and maybe try to pretend more with your mate. Recognize that NONE of us are living up to the illusion and instead grab a brush and start painting your own perception.
We may not find happiness by finding a perfect person, but we can create happiness for ourselves and maybe someone else, as well.