Sunday, September 11, 2022

Sensitive Guys and Attraction

I mentioned this in passing in a few social media posts, but I feel that it is important to clarify that I'm not just talking from lack of experience or knowledge.  So, I wanted to write it out in a blog post to process and to establish it.

Before I go into this more... some background...

When I left the military in 2001, I was immediately thrust into the need to homeschool my daughter.  My older daughter was severely ADHD, and the school was not able to adapt to her.  My ex at the time was DEFINITELY not going to be the one that homeschooled her, because she was a career woman to the degree that while I was still in the military she finished her MBA and LEFT to take a job in another state, expecting I would follow after I left the military.  Yeah.... it was like that.

So, I had to homeschool my daughter for the next 7 years, while my wife at the time worked.  Thus... I was the person to do household duties... groceries, cleaning, etc.. and arrange social events and more for my daughter.  It would not be until my wife at that time had a post partum psychosis that the need and ability for me to assume that role even presented itself.

So, I was a stay at home dad, and I read books about other stay at home dads and their issues.  I recall that one book on it had a chapter about role play, because when the career woman and home man wanted to have sex they had to assume roles opposite than real life to have attraction.  I can understand that, because we had similar issues, and those issues would... I think.. be a factor when in my 2nd marriage I had to take care of home things when her back was hurt and she want a year without being able to cook, clean, shop, etc.  In that situation, we ALSO had issues related to not being able to be in our roles and find attraction.

Fast forward to being an Elementary School teacher.  I think everyone knows that there are few male teachers in elementary schools.  Until recently, I had concluded that it was because they weren't hired.  However, as I note that not just myself but other men in my school ALSO have major control issues, I think that is definitely notable.  As I reflect on it, I think that children of that age are USED to listening to mom and fearing dad.  So, when you begin a classroom on positive reinforcement as a man... well.. to kids their dad is either the dominant one or someone with whom you play games.  I understand that this is because men have not been that involved in kids lives as much as they should.... but ... that's how kids are raised.  I have been given advice on how to control the classroom, and it might work.  But... the reality is that those suggestions are basically the feminine way of doing things.  I can do them to make the class work, but ... I'm right back to needing to be one way in the course of my day and another way on dates and romantically.

The REASON for that touches on something that I've noted in blogs in years past.  Despite all the words, the reality is that women are not generally attracted to the sensitive guy.  It's a LONG time plot theme in writing for the sensitive guy to be "friend zoned" despite interest, because the woman wants a strong and protective guy.  In the series Single Parents, they had to make Will be more masculine to have a romantic interest happen in the show.  In Friends, Chandler had to go from being effeminate in early seasons to a thinker and ultimately more manly to be married to Monica.  In fact, I would challenge you to try to produce ANY example of a soft or effeminate guy that is found attractive by a woman.  Even left leaning groups and publications do not present that or show that in their own lives.  IN FACT, it is assumed that when a man is not masculine, they are gay.

So... that catches me up to where I am.  My current job personality type and my romantic interest is contradictory at present.  It's not true for all levels of teachers, and I can always be different when at home... but... there it is.

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