Wednesday, October 19, 2022

Lessons Learned

This week's stress level has been particularly high, as I finish out my last weeks at my teaching job.  It's hard being at any job that you know you will be leaving, but they asked me for a total of about 3.5 weeks from the time of my giving notice to actually being done.... from a job that I was leaving for being stressed and unfulfilled.  So.. another sleepless night.  I might as well write down some of my thoughts in my head.

Lessons Learned

There are several lessons that I have either learned or re-learned over the course of the last few months.  So, I wanted to write them down and prepare for going forward.

1.  The common mistake that many people make is thinking that the "grass is greener" in another lawn.  However, one thing I have learned doing accounting, education, and self employment is that you will be working a lot of hours.  Indeed, I didn't work as much when driving Ubereats and doing online income, but I also didn't earn as much and wanted more.  I also was frustrated at working evenings and weekends.  But... let's review the last several months teaching.  I was working evening and weekends for teaching, and I was taking college classes for the teaching that took up to 9 hours a week in some cases of class time and many more hours of doing assignments.  I literally had no time, and that is a COMMON statement by all teachers.  I had the same situation when doing accounting.  I had no time and was working evenings or weekends.  However, it must be noted that with self employment I had control over that and COULD work less for less money, while that was NOT an option with the other paths.

2.  Most people are self focused.  Earlier this evening, I was reflecting on the fact that, when I came back to Florida after my divorce, I had worked at Tampa Housing Authority for a short period.  When I was there, I was respected and had friends.  Then, I left and none of the friends kept in touch.  The same was true for both Dillard's here and ICP.  I had friends and none, now.  My ex to whom I had given much over the years decided to end the marriage and then proceeded to NOT initiate any messages to me, unless it was regarding money or bills... no inquiry into how I was or etc as I no longer benefited her.  I had people I talked to when taking courses at HCC but upon leaving those contacts stopped talking or replying.  In ALL of the jobs exits, co workers agreed with my stresses and even some applauded my taking the step.  Yet, out of sight, out of mind.. no longer a voice to vent to or assist with things, I was no longer of VALUE to them and so conversations ceased.  Many operate under the belief that their friends are tied to them, but these cases and my prior divorces have shown me that many "friends" are just there to benefit themselves and will not support you in life changes.

3.  When I was driving, I felt that I needed to have a professional income to get the attention of women on dating apps or etc.  Yet, when I was doing accounting and teaching, it had ZERO affect on the number of messages initiated to me.  That was because women don't initiate messages... it had nothing to do with my job but only my willingness to start talking.  This year, I have dated a few times, and only one of them dated me when I was a teacher... and that one didn't want a romantic relationship but just companionship.  It has nothing to do with my job but age, society, and gender roles taking initiative that has impacted my dating.

4.  My mindset has changed with regards to friends and activities.  This one is somewhat related to the last one that I dated, but I wouldn't do things with her, as she led me on to believe it was something else at the time.  I DO still want a long term, exclusive relationship with someone.  BUT, I also want to just get out of the house and do things, which I have been doing and enjoying.  I ALSO would enjoy doing those things with others that are friends without romantic potential, just to have... companionship as she put it.  So, I plant to seek those that are friends to do things with that are just friends.  It's a good way to kill time while waiting for other areas of my life to work out.  I am finding that a LOT.. most, actually.. of people my age or older are not interested in romance at all.  Being able to satisfy my own sexual needs to be blunt.. or just date for dating if I wanted (though I haven't done that, yet), it would be possible to separate romantic needs from social contact needs, so I might be heading that way, myself.

5.  While I am working out to get in shape, again.  I have also decided to let my age show.  I have also looked and acted younger than my age.  That has continually created problems.  For one thing, when you are in the dating world or apps or etc, women like to have an older man.  So, when I look and act younger, I am passed by those near my age and those that are younger are interested till they know how old I am.  It is entirely possible that that was in influence among many with my 2nd marriage ending, as there was an age difference.  So, I am going to be very clear about THAT from the start, so it is not a surprise, later.

So, while I am seeking an accounting role, I have told my staffing agency link to look for one that is professional and not with some company that is in dire need that will only take advantage of me.  I will be happy working on m own and driving, again.. as it doesn't matter for dating and will make more than enough money for my bills and more.  I will continue doing activities by myself and making friends.. and actually have time to DO things with them if I so desire.  And, I will freely speak my mind... which will include continuing to be independent.  I didn't just do that for teaching.  I truly distrust both political parties and feel they BOTH must be reformed.

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