Saturday, October 29, 2022

Site and Personal Updates

First, I took the local events info that I had started putting on this blog and moved them to my new blog, where I will be putting my local events information and pictures.  I reverted this back to a prior theme display, which brought the songs on the side panel back.  I will be using this blog for focus on happiness in general from a personal, historical, and philosophical perspective, which is close to how it has been used but will be more focused on big themes with personal experience inputs.

Personal Update

Almost a month ago, I gave notice at the teaching job that I had begun, and I have now left the the job.  I'm not going to trash them... not why I waited.  I've just been SO BUSY.  I will give general teacher experience information about the career and suggestions, as I had so much I didn't know before I was expected to make a long term commitment.  I will provide a little of that, below.

But, I've been busy... between the HCC courses necessary to GET the job with their extensive homework assignments required by the state and the classroom adjustments and expectations with very little guidance ALSO required by the state, I was working at work, working at home, working on most of my weekend days, etc.  When I WAS in the classroom, I was dealing with a difficult class, which gave me more continuous stress than any time in my life.  It was like PTSD, and that was the expected stress level for the job.  I knew that I could not do that long term and definitely could not enjoy it in the latter years of my life.  I have already given up too many decades of my own happiness for others.  I don't need to continue it, if I don't have to.

So, I resigned.  The evening after I left work on my last day, I involuntarily napped a few times from the exhaustion of work and stress of doing 3.5 weeks of work in a high stress environment that I didn't have to be working.  I did it for them, but... that brings up a point that I wanted to hit in a blog post.  Is it always right to do the right thing?

That may sound bad, but here is my experience over the last decade.  My oldest daughter has ADHD to a high degree.  When the school was having trouble teaching her, I took it upon myself to homeschool her for 7 years that was VERY difficult to do.  She want back into school and was getting As.  Then, she went to college and flunked out and lost her financial aid.  So, I let her stay in my house and drove her to a community college that I paid for till she got her aid back.  After a few years, I began to ask her to pay bills and get a job, and she got upset and left the house to go to my ex.  After a few years, the same cycle happened at that house and she doesn't talk to any of us, now.  But... what did I get out of that but lost years of effort and stress for someone that doesn't talk to me.

Similarly, my 2nd marriage was to someone that when I began dating her was living with her mother that she didn't like.  So, after a while of dating, I sold my inexpensive house to pay for our wedding and a deposit to get into a new place that we shared.  We had a wedding that was very classy and expensive, and the ring was nice.  Over the next few years, I would take her to many date locations, hotel rooms to just get away, and give her gifts.  Then, her back started causing great pain, so I stopped working to cover bills.  As part of that transition, I had to sell my car for bills and got online income jobs that paid less.  I walked to get groceries like twice a week in the heat or cold, cooked the dinners, mowed the lawn, and more.  But, rather than be grateful, she said it made her feel inadequate and she was UPSET when I did things for her.... cutting off my acts of romance at the knees.  She asked for a divorce.  However, THEN, I had to spend the next 9 months in that house, as I had to save up money to move to where I sent my daughter to be (with my first ex since I knew my life would be changing) and to see her bouncing around the house happy with her daughters as if I didn't exist, AS I helped pay half the expenses.  Finally, I got free, and she hasn't talked to me, since.  Again... what did I get out of all that?

Whether personal relationships like that or jobs... all of the jobs in which I worked prior to this one I had friends that stopped talking to me upon my departure from the job, as with most of the Oklahoma ones, too.  You become a part of their life, but as soon as you are no longer beneficial to them or in their sight, you may not as well exist.  So, if you ever feel like you need to sacrifice for a person or a job.. be aware they will not reward you for your sacrifice or even remember you.  That brings me back to this job ending, where I just did an extra 1.5 weeks over 2 weeks of work and was asked to do and did 2 full weeks of lesson planning for my replacement that would be taking my job... and as I left almost no one even said goodbye from the office.  So... IS it always the right thing to do the right thing that others wouldn't do, if it means you do more work than they and get the same exit?  I honestly do not know.

What I do know is that I need to recall that I have always enjoyed my at home self employment digital and driving income and that I need to NOT make choices for others or for status, thinking it will lead to more in my life.  Most of my activities are inexpensive and could be done driving, and having a professional job has not led to romance in EITHER accounting or education.  Indeed, teaching just showed my sensitive side, which is often not seen as attractive by women.  That's another thing.  I spent years exploring that sensitive side and for a while questioned my gender by definition of gender and how men and women respond to things like romance, violence, competition, and more.  I still don't know how masculine that I am in that regard, but I am a man that finds women attractive.  That's going to be the case, but it's why I always support those of LGBTQ, because it would take very little to make me one of them.  As it is, I'm just going to be myself and enjoy the rest of my life, whether in careers or personal experiences and choices.

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