Monday, November 7, 2022

Truth and Consequence

 You are not responsible for the choices of others, even if society often wants you to believe that you are.

Today, I was picking up a breakfast delivery, and as I sat there waiting two others came and went with their orders... mine still not ready to pickup after 15 minutes.  After 10 minutes according to Uber, you can cancel, so I finally canceled delivery and went on to other orders.  Later that morning, I came back to get another delivery from the same location, and the waitress seemed upset that I had canceled the prior delivery (only my part.. someone else could deliver it after me).  However, the reality is that being paid by delivery a delay like that can affect pay and it DID in fact affect my pay for that hour by 5-6 dollars.

However, this experience reminded me of something that my gunnery sargent said, once.  He said, "If I am stepping on your toes, your feet should not be there."  We have developed a habit of catering to the least productive and most complaining, and that isn't good for anyone.  It definitely isn't good for a chosen path to lead you to happiness, as those that take advantage of you will not only continue to do so but get upset with you if you stop.  

In the case of both of my past marriages, the other person developed a habit of using me and providing little to nothing to me in return.  Yet, both got upset when I expected them to give back to me in return.  My last marriage that gave up on us did so immediately following a conversation where I noted that I was giving much to her and had given much while she rarely made romantic gestures or choices for me.  That offended her, so she ended it.  After her choice, she would refuse multiple attempts at reconciliation by me... which I would realize over time was good.  Why would I want to be with someone that didn't make an effort towards me during the marriage or after?  Yet, as the months would pass, she would paint herself as a victim, as I was no longer there to do things for her or provide money for her or pay bills or etc... despite her own choice causing that situation.

However, that is the trend.   You don't accept responsibility.  You blame others, government, teachers, or more.  While I was a teacher, I had multiple situations where we teachers called a parent about their unruly child only to have the parent blame us or the school for not understanding that "kids are just that way."  They definitely are, if you refuse to parent.  However, from parent to child to customers in stores to store employees... we are seeing people giving the least competent behavior so as to not be fired.

It's not our job to be responsible for the poor choices of others.  Doing so will only drag us down and keep US from happiness, because they are unwilling to live up to their own responsibilities. This relational co-dependency of us enabling users is a summary of not only relationships in my past but jobs and more.  We must let people fail, and we must let them experience the penalty of failure, or they will never learn.  Personally, I have learned much more from my own failures than my successes, and that is only because I am always playing the part of a scientists.. test, analyze, adjust.  If a scientist failed to learn from mistakes, we would never have found the successes that work today.  The faster we let others fail, the sooner they .. and we.. can find happiness that will not.

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