Did you know that the body repairs itself when you sleep? We heal, grow, and even think while we sleep... in the dark. It's fitting, because we often grow the most when we are cut off from the light we have known and forced to think and process on our own.
Over the course of the last week, I have been doing a lot of thinking in the darkness. It was kinda odd, because I have always been blessed with a gift of divination / prophecy in that I always just KNEW the right thing to do or felt led to think about the right things or listen to the right song or etc. However, this time, it was celestial silence. I didn't feel that God had abandoned me but rather had just stopped talking and was watching, like parents do when they want to see if their kids could ride the bike on their own, so to speak. As a result, I feel a lot more "roots" to my current and future path, more understanding why I am on it, and more confidence of myself in it.
I've noted it a few times, but lately I have been exploring the idea of having a single life. It doesn't mean that at some point I may not change that. But, I realized that almost ALL of my life has been based around romance.... finding it, maintaining it, mourning it. It was at the center of why I DID most things. It, not money, was at the center of my careers and what I did with the money from them. Many times, I wondered why God was not bringing romance TO me, as He had at other times. I felt that it was a bit of a betrayal, but that's often how we feel when God is simply saying... NO.. or maybe NOT NOW. I was asking for help, and he was saying... remember what I told you and ride the bike.
There has definitely been times over the past weeks that I felt that I was wasting my time, off doing things on my own, rather than using that time to date. However, each time I do something on my own and enjoy it, I realize that I CAN enjoy things on my own.. and I realize that I don't need to have someone to be interesting or creative or ... enough.
So, I've become comfortable with this darkness. It just makes my own light shine brighter in my own eyes, and it helps me to grow each day to become the person I was always meant to become, if I had just taken all that time to develop ME and challenge myself discover what more there is to what I can be.
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