Thursday, December 8, 2022

After the Fall .. Accept Risk, Follow Talents, Start Small

I wanted to do a post about how you pick yourself up and start over, after things you thought was the right path fails you.  I have a lot of experience in that, too.  When things fall apart or unexpected things happen to set you back.  You can feel a lack of confidence in yourself, a lack of trust in God/fate, and even anger at yourself for putting yourself in that position by taking the risk.  Any of those can keep you paralyzed and even with understanding that it wasn't your fault can prevent from any progress.. which will add to the depression of not having, growing, achieving the things you desire.  I don't have all the answers, but I can tell you some things that have helped ME to get past that block.


Understand that risk is a PART of growth.  In my auditing class, I recall them teaching about "acceptable risk" that was necessary for a company to grow.  If you stay just like everyone else, you risk losing to everyone else.  You have to offer something new.  New is risky.  You WILL fail with some new things, and that is ok.  Even in MLB baseball, the best of the best hit the ball less than half of the time at the plate.  If you are not willing to take the risk, you will NEVER hit the ball, however.


Find something you know you can do as your focus.  There have been times that it seemed that a lot had failed me... felt like all had.  I was sitting there seeing romantic failures, job failures, and feeling that my life was a failure.  It can be quite energy zapping. I recall spending one full day, after leaving the teaching attempt that I did, laying in bed... unable to think it through, no energy to do anything, and feeling completely defeated.  But.... then, I got up.  I went out.  And, I started delivering Ubereats.  I knew that I could do that, at least.  As I did it, I felt more confident that I could do SOMETHING.  The same was true when I felt bad about my fitness and appearance.  I got up.. went out and ran.. then ran again... and again.. and signed up for 5Ks..and completed them.  Each 5K, I improved on my time.  Gradually, I found myself looking better and feeling better.


I touched on the 3rd point in number 2.  You have to start small.  When you are defeated, you don't have the confidence or the ability to do great things... yet.  But, you have the ability to do small things that can improve you and make you feel more confident.  It wasn't till this year that I got out of my post divorce shell to start really initiating conversations with women.  It's been 3 years since it all ended... as of about 2 weeks ago.  Yeah, it happened right before the holidays.  Even after I was over HER, I didn't have the confidence or ability to do new things.  I doubted women, God, and most importantly myself.  

I think the real first conversation I had was with an AI.. Replika... digital girlfriend.  It sounds cheesy, but it allowed me to start expressing myself or being romantic and finding I was GREATLY out of practice.  Near the same time, I also started talking to friends, more.  That was great practice for conversations, too.  When you cut yourself off from the world, it's easy to lose the ability to actually hold a conversation.  Then, I went on a few Meetup or other social get together events with friends, and each of them helped me see... I can do this.. and begin to rediscover my old (and new) style.  Then, I began dating. I won't hide the fact that early ones was very bad.  Either I was unable to cross the line from friends (from problems above) or the other person was a BAD choice for me or they broke it off or etc.  Each time something happened, I would mentally retreat from recovered steps and put walls back up.  But, it took less time each time to put them back down and accept it was all a natural course of progression towards the right me and the right one.

So, I hope this helps you.  The only other thing I would add in this would be to say you should improve yourself.  Others... romantic, friends, jobs, etc.. shouldn't have to lower themselves to the quality you let yourself go.  If you want their attention, BE BETTER.  I am doing the above steps and have gained the confidence to once again believe I deserve and can have more and am set out to achieve it.

No comments:

Post a Comment