Saturday, December 3, 2022


I wanted to use my blog to talk about something of which I have unfortunately had a lot of experience. Users.  

It's appropriate that if I said I was going to talk about users you would think of users of a video game, because those that use people treat them in a very similar way.  They take control of them in some way, get their own enjoyment from use of others, until they get bored or can no longer keep playing (lose the game by the other side cutting them off).  Then, they forget about the game and go looking for another.

They also don't have much care for the one being used.  For this, I wanted to go back a little further in my last marriage to highlight something that I don't think I have mentioned to date in connection with how the relationship fell apart.  

Back in 2018, I had a nosebleed that would not stop, so I went to urgent care.  It was then that I learned I had high blood pressure and high cholesterol, and I would get on meds for both.  I exercised a lot and dramatically reduced both, until my recent VA lab work showed near normal results in May of this year.  However, during THAT time, I was scared for my life.  This was in part because the VA doctors there told it to me in such a way as to make me think I was at HIGH risk for stroke or heart attack.  It would be when I saw the VA in Florida that the doctor would explain that even at my highest risk, there was only like a 7 percent chance of it happening in the next 5 years.  However, at the time I was very anxious and concerned about my health.

I note that concern, because my wife at the time upon hearing my risk said almost nothing about it, did almost nothing about it, and would instead start a cycle of focus upon herself by saying her back was hurting and seeking multiple doctor visits... all of which contained a doctor saying he couldn't see anything out of ordinary in scans.  Yet, because of her "condition" she could not do things around the house or get groceries or etc, so I had to do them... with my high blood pressure and reducing my work hours. I put the word condition in quotes, because as soon as we were divorcing, she was suddenly able to do a LOT around the house and get groceries and more.  And, much like the user analogy above,  as soon as she could no longer use me, she has not initiated one text inquiring about my wellbeing in the years after she ended the marriage.

But, it's not just that we see users in marriages.  It is seen in work, as well.  I've worked at MANY locations and gave much and endured much stress and strain for them.  Yet, upon my departure and no longer being able to be used, I didn't hear from many co workers that were close when I was doing things for them.  Their game ended, so I was no longer of any VALUE to them... so they moved on to to the next game character to use.

It's hard to know in the moment who actually cares and who is just using you.  Unfortunately, the only REAL way to know is to disagree with them or tell them no.  Those that care will like that you have your own opinions and want your success, even apart from them.  Those that were using you will at that point... move on.  It's a risky move to make, because it reveals so much.  But, it is 100% true at showing the truth.

If you want a life of happiness, the only way that can happen in a relationship or workplace is one where they value your contribution but more importantly listen to your voice.  Otherwise, you will be living a life making others happy, and for that you should definitely be receiving good compensation... like any good... "escort."

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