Tuesday, January 24, 2023

Desire Brings Fear

 "Fear cannot be without hope nor hope without fear."  Benedict Spinoza

That is the perfect hope for this post about something God challenged me in my mind to consider a few weeks ago.  I promptly put it in my phone notes and shelved it from my mind, because I didn't WANT to think about it.

You've heard me say many times that "fear is stupid" and "I do not fear."  For the most part, that is true.  It was true in the period between my marriages when I lived alone, as well.  While Scripture teaches us to choose faith over fear (since both are unproven), it can also be a symptom of something more fatal, and THAT is the point of why God challenged me to consider it.

It's easy to take risks and strive forth courageously, when it is just you on your own.  I'll admit that it happened across my mind more than once that if I died there was no one that would be left without a caretaker or relying on my income.  It's one reason I have not bothered with life insurance...for whom?  So, it takes some of the shine off my accomplishments (through they are still worthy) in earning money in self employment or getting this job or making it to the paycheck, when I was taking such a risk of failure... because there was no one that I would be failing if I failed but myself.

There are other religions that would tell you to give up what you desire so that you don't fear losing those things.  Accept failure from the start, then you won't fear failing and can focus on the work.  That's a tempting philosophy to someone that is living alone and is having trouble finding new love.  You convince yourself that you don't need it or don't want it.  In order to lose FEAR, you sacrifice your HOPE.

But, then... you feel "numb" as 117's friend described what it's like to be a Spartan.  The government eliminates your desire or taste or feeling, so you are a more efficient machine.  Yet... isn't that what we are doing to ourselves, when we give up our dreams for stability?

Yes, choosing to seek romance or be open to another opens us to risk, a little instability, and will bring fear for not only ourselves but for someone else's well being, as well.  But, the alternative is to just start dying, while you are still walking, working, and existing.

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