I pulled back from the nihilism path to personal success to a degree to get a better vision of how this blog can fit into the new focus I have achieved and a better understanding of that path over the last week. First, I'll back up a bit.
December was a hard month for me. I mentioned some of it, but I didn't go into all the details of why it was so hard. My daughter was with my ex, as was our agreement for alternating holidays. However, it was the whole of it... working on my own, no family nearby other than my daughter with my ex, seeing others celebrating with family and friends and feeling very single, a holiday that brought back memories with people that were no longer in my life, and add to it feeling sick for a while when it got cold. It kinda made ME colder at heart, as well.
Then, I began to realize some TRUE and REAL things and change in my perspective that I will carry forward, as they were unarguable. With my education and experience I SHOULDN'T be living as financially tight as I allowed myself to be. A lot of my stressors WERE created by my OWN willingness to allow it rather than to act to better my life. That did need to change, and I am glad that I made that change. I also have given away too much of my assets in the past to those that rejected me, and I SHOULD keep at last some of my success only for me, because you never know what may happen. It was also true that I do not have the asset level, yet, that a woman would want to be expecting from someone that should be able to give her dates, gifts, and more. So, building myself up is important.... all of this is true, and I have been hard at work at my new job learning and mastering it to be able to make it a long term career success. I'm happy I made that choice and move.
However, as I progressed over this week, I felt more and more isolated and empty, having turned away from other areas of my life and other things and people that did bring me joy. There were nights over the last week that I had to fight through some dark periods and remind myself of HOPE. That's the POINT of all that I am doing. I'm doing all of this to BETTER my life, not create my own private island to rest from earning money. I had to remind myself of things I have noted in my blog in the past, such as the truth that a "magical" life or a life of meaning is just the same life you have with a magical or meaningful PERSPECTIVE. It doesn't even have to be TRUE for it to create a positive mindself and give yourself a sense of satisfaction at the end of the day. You don't have to SEEK your happiness as you move forward to happiness, you can CREATE your happiness..... but you must WANT happiness and allow yourself to be HAPPY on the journey.
So, I'm not going to end the blog. It does have a purpose. You still have to get off your butt and make a lot of it happen through hard work more than empty platitudes. However, it's ok to be proud of what you have accomplished, find things to enjoy in your day, and mind yourself that the end goal of all the work AND the money is to make a life that you enjoy... and that is something you can do at least a little.. every single day.