Rebirth is Messy

On this Easter day, my focus will be less on religion and more on rebirth in media, culture, and life.

We have seen many examples of rebirth being mentioned and championed in our past and present media.  They make it sound fast and fun, clean and happy, whether it be a preacher cheering that you can be "BORN AGAIN" to a choir background or the use of pagan eggs by multiple religions and cultures or even an older person that gets the chance to live as a child, once again.  We don't have to be told to "begin again" as Taylor Swift sings, because our inner being in the midst of pain WANTS to be reset and have the potential for happiness, again.

But... is it an easy and joyful process?

Have you been in the room where birth happens?  As a woman, you have a much clearer experience than I would have, but as a SPECTATOR I am very aware that birth is not a pleasant experience.  It is preceded by months of pains and problems.  Then, you are in the midst of labor PAINS (called that for a reason), and the woman wants to be anywhere else than right there at that moment.  It hurts.  It is long.  And, the very thing you hope for is causing it.  And, it's messy.  There are fluids all around, and the baby will be covered in them and have to be cleaned up to look better.  Even after birth, there will be sleepless nights, cries, and challenges as that new hope takes shape.

Rebirth in life is much the same way.  It will look a little different, depending on what type of rebirth you seek... relationship, career, personal growth, etc.  However, in all cases, it will look like such a great idea at the start, and it CAN be a great idea, especially if you are in a dead path.  Not all paths lead to happiness, and many can be intrinsically toxic.  If you have been in one of those situations, like my experience with romantic past, you are faced with two options... stay in it or face the challenges of transition and starting over.  

Anyone that has been divorced has faced this choice.  As much as some people like to simplify it as being flighty or lacking commitment, many like me will spend years struggling through it before they make the choice, concluding that what is to come can't be worse than remaining.  It's a choice between two difficult roads.  And, when you leave a relationship.. I don't care if you are the one leaving or being left (I've been both), it takes a toll.  You get numb and suspicious and find it hard to FEEL, again, for a while.  These are your pregnancy pains.  A transition is coming, but it is wrecking havoc on your life in the present.

Then, the birth begins.  You begin to enter the world, again.  And, it is MESSY.  As your heart begins to open, you FEEL rejection much more deeply than it actually is.  You make mistakes in choice of dates and on the dates.  And, at that moment, you want to be anywhere else... not dating, past dating, etc.  A consistent theme on dating apps by people is that they want to be "off this app" but choosing someone that is not a good fit will end up putting you right back on it.  Some want to abort the process, but doing so will keep you from ever achieving your goal.  "There are no gains without pains," said Benjamin Franklin, long before Schwartenegger said no pain, no gain.

But, it gets easier.  You don't over-dramatize each mismatch to be more than it is, and you learn from each mistake.  Soon, you begin (as happened with me over the last year) to be able to enjoy the PROCESS.... enjoy the conversations, even if it will lead to no where.  And, it gets more fun.  I'm not saying that I don't fall back into past mistakes at times, feel things are more than they are or make poor choices of options.  I do.  But, eventually, my head wakes up and screams, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"  And, I steer back to reality.  It is, or it isn't.  If it isn't, you are wasting your time and frustrating theirs.  Better to look for a new avenue and look for hope, again.

So, this Easter, take note from the fact that spiritual rebirth and forgiveness took a death to accomplish, even if it leads to a better ending.  In true fashion, your messed up path WILL need to die, and it will hurt and be difficult... but... a new hope requires it to begin.