Time for a little self therapy. I’ve pulled myself out of dark modes more time than I can count over a hard life, so I’ve developed many tools to get there.
I want to focus on what is GOOD about me for a series of posts. This one is on commitment.
Despite the impression some get of me being flighty, based on having two divorces, the reality is actually quite the opposite. Even in those divorces, I was there much longer than I should have been, and the 2nd one was ended by her, against my will. My first one was a narcissistic person that only saw life from what she was getting from me (well that’s a common theme with the 2nd, too) and not how she could romance or care for me. She worked 70+ hours a week at her job, and she did not make me a priority. We went years without sex, and yet… when she had a post partum psychosis, I would handle all the bills by financial aid while schooling to work while caring for an infant. It was only after getting that job without her support that I realized she would never respect me and ended it. But, I stayed a long time, there.
My 2nd ex was a shorter marriage, but I sold my house to pay for a wedding and costs she had when she wanted to stop living with her mother. I paid for dates, roses, hotel weekends, and more. When she hurt her back, I stopped working outside the house to handle things at home.. I even sold my car to pay for her medical needs, meaning I was walking miles in the cold for groceries for us. She didn’t gratefully accept any of this, saying it made her feel incomplete. But, it was still a good thing to do.
There’s many other examples of how I remained in difficult situations, but I have also learned self respect to be able to walk away from situations that only used me. I’m still weighing my current job, and it doesn’t look good… but giving them time.
But, despite not being honored by many over my life, I consider it one of my good qualities.
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