tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9907705553324596432024-03-19T06:13:57.431-07:00Forward to HappinessKCliftonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06600444076936414826noreply@blogger.comBlogger48125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-990770555332459643.post-78342364071435580242024-03-12T18:39:00.000-07:002024-03-12T18:39:25.312-07:00Surreal Real<p> Over my many years, I have written many different blogs and books. One of them, I recall, was called surreal real. One of my primary driving things that has been consistent in all of my life has been the.. well.. absolute value .. to use a math term for a non math thing.. of being real. Good, bad, left, right... whatever. If it is real to you, it is valuable to me. The blog was focused a lot on that, as I recall. I would rather know someone that passionately disagreed with me than someone that agreed only because it was popular. Trends do not grow me, but someone that passionately disagrees with me is... interesting. Something is driving that passion, and that makes it worthwhile.</p><p>Why? Because, I've lived the fictions. I have seen and experienced and learned alot of the patterns of life that, despite the conviction that they are unique by those that do them, are centuries or millenia old and worn truths that often have to be lived rather than be learned by words. I think we are in the middle of several of those, right now, in fact that I thing will end poorly but saying so will not change anything. </p><p>Indeed... as I have aged, I have learned like most that age that very little changes. It's funny. When you are young, you are so offended and set afire by the wrongs that you see in society. Then, later, you might end up taking an opposite position and being offended in another direction. However, as you grow you eventually realize that they are the same debates and the same offensive feelings and convictions that have existed for thousands of years. It's not important than it is happening, so much as important that we still have enough sense to say... what the actual fck, though it does seem that less and less of the younger generations have that sense.</p><p>"To thine own self be true," says a character to his son in Shakespeare's Hamlet in his final barrage of wisdom, before his son goes away. It is good advice. My life has seen so many changes, but the end is that we often end up back where we began...with ourselves as our final company even if you do everything right. In my life, I have given up houses for weddings, moved across country for children or given up my money and time to shuttle people around to their needs or spend overtime hours for employers. Yet, after all that time, I find myself... back with me as my company. So, if there is anyone that deserves your loyalty, it is yourself. When all is said and done, it is to yourself that you will answer above all else.</p><p>So, live your life, but live it for what you value to be important... including other people that you deem to be important but with the understanding that eventually they, too, will often leave. Don't miss out on experiencing life, while you live. I believe that you would give the same advice to your children, and if my children grow up as independent thinkers that can survive and thrive without me, I will have fulfilled my celestial duty to make them.... real.. as well. <br /></p>KCliftonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06600444076936414826noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-990770555332459643.post-65509996267541174912024-03-09T07:48:00.000-08:002024-03-09T07:50:10.226-08:00Forward to Happiness Free Read Links<p>Forward to Happiness book got no sales of past blog posts, so I have restored the text of those blog posts fully to their pages, and below are hyperlinks to each blog, so you can read for yourself....</p><p></p><p> </p><br /><p style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #0f1111; font-family: "Amazon Ember", Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; margin: -0.4rem 0px 1.3rem; padding: 0px;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box;">- <a href="http://www.forwardtohappiness.com/2023/09/unfortunate-lives.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Unfortunate Lives (poverty isn’t evidence of sin or value)</a></span></p><p style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #0f1111; font-family: "Amazon Ember", Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; margin: -0.4rem 0px 1.3rem; padding: 0px;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box;">- <a href="http://www.forwardtohappiness.com/2023/08/hope.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Hope (it’s own reward in darkest days)</a></span></p><p style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #0f1111; font-family: "Amazon Ember", Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; margin: -0.4rem 0px 1.3rem; padding: 0px;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box;">- <a href="http://www.forwardtohappiness.com/2023/08/life-happens.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Life Happens (finding peace as you climb Maslow’s pyramid, not after)</a></span></p><p style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #0f1111; font-family: "Amazon Ember", Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; margin: -0.4rem 0px 1.3rem; padding: 0px;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box;">-<a href="http://www.forwardtohappiness.com/2023/11/strike-while-iron-is-hot.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> Strike While the Iron is Hot (be changeable in times of change)</a></span></p><p style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #0f1111; font-family: "Amazon Ember", Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; margin: -0.4rem 0px 1.3rem; padding: 0px;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box;">- <a href="http://www.forwardtohappiness.com/2024/01/finding-forward.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Finding Forward (consider your options)</a></span></p><p style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #0f1111; font-family: "Amazon Ember", Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; margin: -0.4rem 0px 1.3rem; padding: 0px;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box;">-<a href="http://www.forwardtohappiness.com/2024/02/assess-stupidity.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> Assess the Stupidity (recognize when options fail)</a></span></p><p style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #0f1111; font-family: "Amazon Ember", Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; margin: -0.4rem 0px 1.3rem; padding: 0px;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box;">- <a href="http://www.forwardtohappiness.com/2023/10/resonance.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Resonance (seek those who share your interests or values)</a></span></p><p style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #0f1111; font-family: "Amazon Ember", Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; margin: -0.4rem 0px 1.3rem; padding: 0px;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box;">- <a href="http://www.forwardtohappiness.com/2023/11/focus-forward.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Where You End Up (look ahead to where path options take you)</a></span></p><p style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #0f1111; font-family: "Amazon Ember", Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; margin: -0.4rem 0px 1.3rem; padding: 0px;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box;">- <a href="http://www.forwardtohappiness.com/2023/11/focus-forward.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Let People Fail (don’t eat the blame for others or they cannot learn)</a></span></p><p style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #0f1111; font-family: "Amazon Ember", Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; margin: -0.4rem 0px 1.3rem; padding: 0px;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box;">-<a href="http://www.forwardtohappiness.com/2023/08/honey-and-vinegar.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> Honey and Vinegar (value friends over being right)</a></span></p><p style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #0f1111; font-family: "Amazon Ember", Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; margin: -0.4rem 0px 1.3rem; padding: 0px;"><br /></p>KCliftonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06600444076936414826noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-990770555332459643.post-24099848333761521382024-03-06T19:12:00.000-08:002024-03-06T19:14:34.227-08:00Is It Live or Is It Memorex<p> I'm sure that most reading this won't know what the subject line of the post means. There was an ad a long time ago that asked, "Is it live or is it Memorex." Memorex was a particularly popular brand of VHS and cassette tapes, and everyone knew of them, then... a sign of how things change. They were advertising how real sounding something was.. it was almost like the real thing... almost. But, it was a copy. It wasn't live... it wasn't real. It was a recording, which can have flaws.</p><p>Our memories are like that. Today, I was reflecting on how a lot of my past relationships failed from an APPEARANCE or an ASSUMPTION of what I believed to be true, even if it wasn't in fact actually true. I mourned over "losing" what had... in fact.. never existed. If I looked for times that my ex's wrote romantic notes to me, I would have to look in vain. If I tried to find the moments in my memory that had them coming up behind me to put their arms around me or say that they loved me, without my saying it first... I would be inventing some memories. The reality is that what I mourned never really existed, and maybe THAT is what I was truly mourning. They were just being the same person that I always had in front of me, even if I assumed something else to satisfy the imbalance of emotions shown.</p><p>It is so funny how we often imprison OURSELVES over things. It is like Tate McRae's song, "<a href="https://youtu.be/vDTx6dSZl74?si=CWuZW3G48xsog1ZF">Tear Myself Apart,</a>" where she talks about how we tend to criticize ourselves after something fails, even if it had nothing to do with us. And, in the new book I am reading... Making Money by Terry Pratchett, I read, "..you get him to build his own rack, and let him turn the screws all by himself." Very often, we are the only one judging ourselves for non existent wrongs, while the other person hasn't given a second thought to us. Some say, "It is that it is," but we should also make sure "It was that it was," as well.<br /></p><p>So, I do think that it is important for us, as we are making our foundation to rise from failures to fully understand what WAS failures and what was just incorrect matching and missteps and, after gaining our footing, rise in confidence of a future when we are in the right place and state of mind in the right time and connection of factors to make a successful opportunity appear in front of us.<br /></p>KCliftonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06600444076936414826noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-990770555332459643.post-30805754558141503692024-03-05T16:12:00.000-08:002024-03-05T16:12:24.794-08:00Our Choices, Our lives<p>I want to bring together a few things I have said in the past to expand on what sounds like a pretty obvious point that is actually deeper and supernaturally true than it first appears.</p><p>I'll begin by talking about this week and today. This week (and earlier actually) my deliveries and money has been working much better than usual. Whereas I used to fight some days and barely make my budgets, it's like money is throwing itself at me. The car is running great with very little issues, which I used to be facing. My health has been going much easier with less pains and problems... I know some of that is because of the cholesterol med increase but stay with me. It is like things are working out for me, really well... AFTER I decided to go back to the midwest. I no longer need pressure to make me decide that. Today, I decided to do something I would enjoy in this area, and LITERALLY as I was driving home to get ready for it, a shower popped up that wasn't on the radar and developed and expanded literally right on top of me, til I decided not to go to it and then the weather cleared. While... at the same time... I got another increased tip where someone increased their tip by 10 dollars. Recall that money is important to be able to move. Yeah, it could be coincidence, but maybe it's supernatural science. I'll explain.</p><p>What if our lives are not being either blessed or cursed in total but specific elements related to bad or good choices are being so? I recall dating people.. and marrying some of them, actually... where it was a struggle the whole way. And, the whole time I was with them, it was overcoming one disaster or challenge after another. And, immediately upon leaving that connection, things improved, dramatically. I have had ex friends that had the same effect, while I was connected to them that left or improved upon ending that connection. You gotta ask... why would God.. or nature or the universe or whatever you want to use.. do this? I think science. You put a mouse in a maze and want it to go in a specific path, so what do you do? You provide rewards for the right choices and you make it very uncomfortable in the bad ones. What if we are being directed in much the same way? I've already made that point about the last year's almost supernatural pitfalls and dangers I faced.</p><p>Let me expand on that by bringing up another point that I made once about the multiverse. I did a post where I said the multiverse was real in that every second of every day, we make choices. Each of those choices lead to different paths... different universes that could happen. Maybe sometimes, our specific choices put us in a world that is not right for us and changing those choices can improve our entire world around us by changing the universe in which we live? Indeed, I hate to bring him up, as I think he is a dangerous fraud, but I heard a "laughing revivalist" one time decades ago, where people would "fall out" laughing as he spoke, say that the people that were on Jonah's ship in the bible were facing the storms out at sea not for anything they did but because they just happened to be on Jonah's boat, who was running away from God. Those people were not even believers in that God, but they were not being punished til they happened upon the boat where God was judging one of his servants. However, the point was... their lives were in struggle and not being blessed because of who they were around.</p><p>I can definitely attest to that in my life, but I think it is a good point to share. Sometimes.... not always, because sometimes bad things just happen that has nothing to do with you ... happens to everyone. But, if you keep running into pitfalls, maybe you should stop and think... am I on the wrong path? If you are, maybe you are not in the universe that you should be, and you are not being blessed for simply not being where you CAN be blessed and not for anything you specifically did to deserve it. </p><p>Something to consider.<br /></p>KCliftonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06600444076936414826noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-990770555332459643.post-31365670836415718012024-03-04T16:54:00.000-08:002024-03-04T17:09:54.797-08:00A Couple Singles or a Dance<p> One realization I had over the day is that as I look back over my past failed relationships in my life, I see mostly people that were happy being single... even if they were in a relationship as they lived it. </p><p>I've seen this in dating circles a lot, too.. tho I'm hoping that's just a Florida hedonistic quality and not what I'll find elsewhere. Many don't even want to be in a relationship. I've posted statistics of how more women than men but a majority of both at middle age don't want to ever remarry. Some even post how they want a two person income and to live alone, which I think might be a definite red flag for someone wanting a relationship.</p><p>Different people want different things, and there's definitely nothing wrong with staying single and living that way the rest of your life. It's just not what I want. If you bypass that question when dating, you can find yourself depending on emotional satisfaction from someone that was really just looking for things for themselves, and trust me... that doesn't end well. </p><p>So, take the time to make sure what you want and seek others that want that too. Do you want to be a couple singles, together, or two people in a couples dance the rest of your lives.</p>KCliftonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06600444076936414826noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-990770555332459643.post-24275271965868286912024-03-02T06:51:00.000-08:002024-03-02T06:51:25.241-08:00Lotus Flower Suckers<p>In mythology, they tell of the Lotus plant that " induces a dreamy forgetfulness and an unwillingness to depart." (<a href="https://www.encyclopedia.com/plants-and-animals/plants/plants/lotus">Encyclopedia.com</a>))and Odyssey depicts it as such..</p><p>"Those who did so were overcome by a blissful forgetfulness; they had to be dragged back to the ship and chained to the rowing-benches, or they would never have returned to their duties." - <a href="https://www.britannica.com/topic/Lotus-Eater">Britanica</a><br /></p><p>I think this is a very relevant story to our time. Recently, I listened to an audiobook called Dopamine Nation and have mentioned it in the past, how society is being geared to follow what feels good and how that inherently destroys us... as we seek satisfaction from things that become less and less satisfying, so we get more extreme and less reasoned. It also has the effect of making us weaker in my opinion, because like eating of the Lotus we forget our purpose or goals in life and end up trying to blissfully forget the past, instead.</p><p>Change is hard, because it takes effort and drive, in spite of being unpleasant. If we eat food that tastes sweet like sugar all the time, our bodies decay, but eating more vegetables and protein can build us up. If we sit around and do nothing, our bodies decay and get pains, while an active life improves both. You can work hard and have more money and less stress, or you can lay in bed and eventually have the power shut off for non payment. Following what feels good is not always your best path.</p><p>I'm not saying that pleasure is bad, and I would suggest that sometimes it IS good to drink some wine or relax or do things that make you feel good. But, that has to be in moderation and CANNOT become a substitute for growth and adaption for a life that is always changing.</p><p>I am getting older, but I am not dead, yet. If I begin seeking the easy path and giving up on taking new goals or seeking a better way, I am already beginning my descent into the grave, and I would rather not do that till I am actually dead. May we all LIVE until we enjoy our days in the present, always expecting a better day, tomorrow.... until there are no more tomorrows. THAT is what it means to be alive.<br /><span style="counter-reset: subsense; display: block; margin-left: 2em; text-indent: -2em;"></span></p>KCliftonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06600444076936414826noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-990770555332459643.post-70355171754790530382024-02-25T16:56:00.000-08:002024-02-25T16:56:46.408-08:00Normally Abnormal I thought I'd write down one of many things that I've had bouncing around in my head, as I decide what career I will follow upon my move to the Midwest. I picked up a delivery at a pizza place this afternoon, and the worker that made the pizza was so proud of his creation and his job. It got me to thinking, so I did a little research. <br /><br />There is, according to Bureau of Labor Statistics, 8.19 million people working in food preparation and serving in the US. By comparison, there are only 1.6 million accountants and auditors, only about 4.5 million elementary and secondary teachers, and so on. Got every "professional" job there's more working in support roles or ones that you actually SEE on a day to day life. Out of 161 million workers, only 70 million are in management or supervision positions, across all the industries including another million in the food service businesses.<br /><br />My point is this. While we judge our career and success by our professional levels, there are more working in blue collar jobs than higher positions, which translated means it is normal to be working.. just a job.. to make ends meet, even if society deems that less than or inadequate.<br /><br />Ten years from now, no one will even remember you in those professional jobs. I know... been there, done that. I used to handle 10 million dollars in reporting monthly for a business and once saved them 2 million dollars. Now... none even know I exist. So, who is better.. the man in the high tension "professional" job or the man that is very happy he cooked a perfect pizza?KCliftonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06600444076936414826noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-990770555332459643.post-46500581233420038362024-02-22T20:30:00.000-08:002024-02-22T20:30:05.803-08:00Change A Greek philosopher is credited with saying the only constant is change, but it has been repeated by many in different contexts over the centuries. Indeed... I have always thought that my life is always very different than I expected it to be 5 years prior. Five years ago, I was married and expected it to last, forever. That would change within months that year, and my life has had many other change points between then and now. It hasn't been all bad... just different. However, it was often unexpected.<br /><br />This will be a short blog, but it's worthy of its own post. Life is unexpected.. it is chaos, and that's a good thing in part. How would you ever touch the magic of a moment, if every moment was dictated? The last several years has been hard and challenging at times, and ultimately it's taught me I want more of family and roots, at least for now. But, I grew SO much on my own in the challenges, here... in the... change.<br /><br />We change our clothes, our hair, our direction to get to work... and much more, because "anything is better than a life standing still," as Ethan says in Beautiful Creatures. Sharks suffocate if they stay still. I once did a graph where there was a line going out in two extremes... one is life and the other is death. Life is activity, growth, regeneration, change. Even our weather gives cycles of change and reset. And, that's OK. Reset or regeneration is starting over but with new hope for what lies ahead. Death, on the other hand, is stillness, fixed states, and less movement with decay.<br /><br />So, the next time you stress over change, just think... you could be staying the same... the horror...KCliftonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06600444076936414826noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-990770555332459643.post-40777680054327227122024-02-21T11:46:00.000-08:002024-02-21T11:46:06.239-08:00Just the Facts Ma'am You shouldn't let others define you, when you have plenty of history to define yourself. I thought about doing a "relationship resume" or "parenting resume" today, because I've spent too long letting ex's and others not only believe false assumptions but propagate them, and when that's all that's being said, the truth gets lost. <br /><br />And, we give up too quickly and silently, sometimes. I was picking up a delivery the other day, and the worker told me... uber orders will be at least 30 minutes wait. Normally, I'd just go to my car and call uber to cancel my delivery to be reassigned. But, I knew the girl was just being lazy and it was a high dollar order. So...I pulled out my phone and called uber and told them out loud what the restaurant said, and... what do you know. Somehow, the girl got the order done in 10 minutes.<br /><br />People want you to just give up your image or desires, so they can get theirs. And, those that want to take advantage of you do not want that getting told to others. Or, if they want you to look bad, they will get upset when you tell facts that make you look good. So, there's several that wouldn't want me to recount the following...<br /><br />When I was in my first marriage, I joined the military when my first ex who had been working management got tired of it and "didn't know what to do" about her career. Then, when that ex finished an MBA and left me still in the military for another year to start working at a job, I left the military to follow. When our child was having problems with ADHD and her school told me they didn't know what to do and was isolating her, I gave up my own career to homeschool the child for 7 years and take care of the house, because that ex didn't want to leave her work. A few years later, we would have a 2nd child and that ex had a postpartum condition, so... I schooled online and used that aid from school to pay the bills as I was in all ways the only parent raising the infant for years. Then, I got my first accounting job to cover expenses for the family... a job that ex didn't support, and we divorced. Years later, when she had another breakdown, I would take custody of the child for 5 years.<br /><br />In that time, I would have both kids living with me, because the oldest failed out of college and lost her aid. I took her into my house to pay for her tuition and drive her to college and help her get her aid back with good grades. I was also driving the youngest to her school near my work and picking her up at her after school daycare after my job was done. I would take them to the Renaissance fair, comic cons, Christmas lights, and much more and had a conversation on way home about their lives. After a few years, I began to date, and I met my 2nd ex.<br /><br />For that relationship, I would pay for multiple dates each week, pay for one weekend per month with her at hotels, sell my house to pay for the wedding and a deposit for a nice apartment we'd share, when that ex wanted to move out of her mother's house. I often bought roses or chocolate for her, and when her back got to hurting, I would leave my high paying job to handle things at the house for her, as well... working at flexible money options, instead, even though they did not pay as well. However, that ex didn't like me helping her, and she ended the marriage.<br /><br />Those involved don't want me saying all that I did, because it looks bad that they turned and burned or attacked me. They want to project a different story that they can control. But, history is history, and I'll just let the facts be known and stand for themselves, instead.KCliftonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06600444076936414826noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-990770555332459643.post-61464305928589486822024-02-20T11:32:00.000-08:002024-02-20T11:32:17.597-08:00Free to Fail<p>Today is one of my least prosperous delivery days.. Tuesdays. So, I usually take the day off completely or split a half day with Thursday, which can also be slow. I didn't do that much.. laundry and cooked 15 bean soup for the first time in my life. And, I took time to work through a new music playlist. Doing that always helps me process life, and music has been a decency therapist over the years for someone always too strapped to afford REAL therapy. It's definitely not always easy, and I put like 15 other songs on the playlist that didn't make the cut as I processed and narrowed down songs that either resonated with how I feel or went in the direction I wanted to go. But, those songs that didn't make the cut helped me, too. If I didn't try them, I wouldn't know I didn't like how they felt. And, that leads well into thos post topic.<br /><br />Life is messy. We always feel like others have their lives all figured out, and our lives are an embarrassment on humanity. However, over my life I've seen that most people have messy lives in one way or another. In fact, I've often seen that those that project such a perfect life are trying to force that perfect image to cover a real life spinning out of control. My ex projected and projects a perfect church Christian image, while her family life is a disaster and recently kidnapped her child against the child's will ... pulling the child out of public school and then refusing to honor the custody agreement to let the child see their father. I allow it as she child is becoming an adult and won't matter for long .. and we still talk by text. But..my ex thinks in HER mind that she is perfect and holy in part because her mental condition (manic disorder) causes her to never admit she can BE wrong. I say all that to say this.... her life is a disaster and she lacks a good connection to her child, BECAUSE she can't just say... my bad. That was a mistake. Can you forgive me and start over in a new direction. My second ex, likewise, failed to admit wrong or to try again and refused counseling offers. And, I'm missing a friend that got close last year, because she cannot admit wrong and try again. She tries something once and... that's it. It reminds me of how my 2nd ex can't watch a movie more than once.<br /><br />But, there's a benefit that can actually strengthen goals we have in admitting wrong. The meme out there says when we start over that it's not from scratch but with wisdom to be more successful the next time. Problem is that people tend to give up by the time they learned the lessons. Now... not all paths lead to success and learning in those cases is to recognize that and try a different path. But, the common thread is that you learned from mistakes, and to learn from mistakes you have to allow yourself to make them. When we live in am isolated and insulated reality that is not allowed to fail, we learn nothing and that reality will be repeated over and over in all of our lives til we admit the error to progress.<br /><br />Thomas Edison famously make thousands of successful failures in making the light bulb.. successful, because he learned what didn't work. If he wasn't willing to make mistakes and learn from them, we'd all be living in the dark. So, cut yourself a break and celebrate your failures as well as successes. Then, you might actually find a path that WORKS for your life.</p>KCliftonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06600444076936414826noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-990770555332459643.post-12519379256961767962024-02-12T13:55:00.000-08:002024-02-12T13:55:03.967-08:00Forward To Happiness Ebook<div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTzxIlbRswGKiq5gBcv8sMlKwGAeBP2KURFDZ7TNDphiZlFdZppKZKSdhEme0tNdGBUBxegUcIzssDd_fPAhh4glVCuhNRRJlCegM-49rkzZtCnh4JprS5JutlB5nTmlXqeJT9nR51_EyRNut5qDhJYtQFobTRjJIp1lt-ar4Vjj9PM2YWWyX_EEkTlOPs/s1440/Screenshot_20240212_164454_Chrome.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1440" data-original-width="1080" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTzxIlbRswGKiq5gBcv8sMlKwGAeBP2KURFDZ7TNDphiZlFdZppKZKSdhEme0tNdGBUBxegUcIzssDd_fPAhh4glVCuhNRRJlCegM-49rkzZtCnh4JprS5JutlB5nTmlXqeJT9nR51_EyRNut5qDhJYtQFobTRjJIp1lt-ar4Vjj9PM2YWWyX_EEkTlOPs/s320/Screenshot_20240212_164454_Chrome.jpg" width="240" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CVJ7346P?&_encoding=UTF8&tag=forwardtoha04-20&linkCode=ur2&linkId=694f47dcd00e0ddb7e9ab0bfab0a0b33&camp=1789&creative=9325" target="_blank">Forward To Happiness</a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div> </div>Above is the image of my book at Amazon.com, where you will also find the description and table of contents, below. It is a quick read but priced accordingly. My hope is that my learning on my path is helpful to you on yours.<br /><br /><p style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #0f1111; font-family: "Amazon Ember", Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; margin: 0px 0px 1.3rem; padding: 0px;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box;">My life is definitely not where I thought it would be as a child or young adult. It’s not even where I thought it would go when I began my blog forwardtohappiness.com for which this book is named… a blog whose contents were deleted and replaced several times over the years as I learned and grew. But, many lessons cannot be taught by words and must be lived to be understood. Very little in my Bible degree or MBA and accounting career would prepare me for a life stage of struggle that taught me more about me and life than many will ever know in sheltered lives and easier experiences. It bothers me when those kind of people give bumper sticker advice, so that’s one reason I wrote this book. May you never have to live the life I have faced, but hopefully some of my words can help inspire you in the challenges you find yourself.</span></p><p style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #0f1111; font-family: "Amazon Ember", Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; margin: -0.4rem 0px 1.3rem; padding: 0px;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box;">This book is a compilation of 10 blog posts (which will be cropped after writing this to promote sales of this book that may not be long but is priced cheaper than the coffee you drink reading it), as well as inspirational quotes that I have always found valuable, as well. It is my gift of effort for you, and I hope it serves you well.</span></p><p style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #0f1111; font-family: "Amazon Ember", Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; margin: -0.4rem 0px 1.3rem; padding: 0px;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box;">Table of Contents</span></p><p style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #0f1111; font-family: "Amazon Ember", Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; margin: -0.4rem 0px 1.3rem; padding: 0px;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box;">- Introduction</span></p><p style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #0f1111; font-family: "Amazon Ember", Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; margin: -0.4rem 0px 1.3rem; padding: 0px;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box;">- Unfortunate Lives (poverty isn’t evidence of sin or value)</span></p><p style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #0f1111; font-family: "Amazon Ember", Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; margin: -0.4rem 0px 1.3rem; padding: 0px;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box;">- Hope (it’s own reward in darkest days)</span></p><p style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #0f1111; font-family: "Amazon Ember", Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; margin: -0.4rem 0px 1.3rem; padding: 0px;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box;">- Life Happens (finding peace as you climb Maslow’s pyramid, not after)</span></p><p style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #0f1111; font-family: "Amazon Ember", Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; margin: -0.4rem 0px 1.3rem; padding: 0px;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box;">- Strike While the Iron is Hot (be changeable in times of change)</span></p><p style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #0f1111; font-family: "Amazon Ember", Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; margin: -0.4rem 0px 1.3rem; padding: 0px;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box;">- Finding Forward (consider your options)</span></p><p style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #0f1111; font-family: "Amazon Ember", Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; margin: -0.4rem 0px 1.3rem; padding: 0px;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box;">- Assess the Stupidity (recognize when options fail)</span></p><p style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #0f1111; font-family: "Amazon Ember", Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; margin: -0.4rem 0px 1.3rem; padding: 0px;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box;">- Resonance (seek those who share your interests or values)</span></p><p style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #0f1111; font-family: "Amazon Ember", Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; margin: -0.4rem 0px 1.3rem; padding: 0px;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box;">- Where You End Up (look ahead to where path options take you)</span></p><p style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #0f1111; font-family: "Amazon Ember", Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; margin: -0.4rem 0px 1.3rem; padding: 0px;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box;">- Let People Fail (don’t eat the blame for others or they cannot learn)</span></p><p style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #0f1111; font-family: "Amazon Ember", Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; margin: -0.4rem 0px 1.3rem; padding: 0px;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box;">- Honey and Vinegar (value friends over being right)</span></p><p style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #0f1111; font-family: "Amazon Ember", Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; margin: -0.4rem 0px 1.3rem; padding: 0px;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box;">- Inspirational Quotes (collected over time that help me)</span></p>KCliftonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06600444076936414826noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-990770555332459643.post-87312249654229485752024-02-04T07:35:00.000-08:002024-02-10T11:56:14.220-08:00Personal Updates It's been a little while since I have done a personal update post on the blog, mainly because a lot of things were in flux and could change. However, I am feeling pretty steady about the choices and direction that lies ahead over the last few weeks. I've mentioned some on various social media posts, but I wanted to bring together realizations and reflections along with some readings and more.<br /><br />In short, I've decided to move back to the Midwest this Summer or Fall.. likely Fall. But, there's a lot that goes into that short statement, as weeks of thought went into the conclusion and more into the application.<br /><br />Obviously, the first influence on the decision was that my ex kidnapped my child against my will or my child's will. The only reason I didn't have her arrested was my asking my child if she'd rather I fought it or just let it be til my child is 18 and can do whatever desired. My child prefers to avoid living in conflict, so I'm letting it be. But, as thar is the case and my child will be doing college next, anyways. It negates my very purpose of coming here and being so far from family... a move to be near that this ex refused to make (or financially support) in the 5 years I had full custody due to her mental instability.<br /><br />The next influence was the eye surgeries that had to happen over the last 7 months, during which time I honestly considered if I'd be homeless for not being able to pay rent or travel and had to get picked up at the hospital by those that are barely in my life or not present in my life, now. But, concurrent in this about family is that I haven't been home to see my mom and sister in over 3 years. I could never afford it with costs here and financial challenges. My mom is getting older, and I want to have her in my life, while I can. Even if I got into a relationship or developed friendships to solve the hospital issue, it would not solve the family issue, which is one reason I stopped looking for a relationship, for now.<br /><br />Another reason is the realization I've had over the last weeks that my desire for a relationship is in many ways an addiction... and not a very healthy one for me at that. A book from my listening (audio book) says..<br /><br />"Although there is no evidence that I am aware of that pain speeds up bodily repair, there is emerging evidence that taking opioids during surgery slows it down." Dopamine Nation <br /><br />I think this extends beyond physical wounds. If we block out emotional, psychological, or even financial or career wounds by distraction or sedating things like too much alcohol, I think we end up stuck in broken cycles and not changing or doing things to move forward from it. My chasing a relationship, I realize, is in part an addiction to replace pain and past with the emotional high I felt in the past, even if it was not a high based on a functional relationship.<br /><br />The author explains that in our brains we produce Dopamine to feel joys, but our brain seeks balance and decreases. We end up seeking something to replace that Dopamine, rather than making wise choices based on fact. That is a part of how we end UP in bad relationships in fact. We bypass red flags from rose color glasses chasing hearts and dreams. Then, the high wears off, and if there's little under the pleasure pressures, reality comes crashing down. Its like coming off a caffeine high without having eaten anything. Eventually, you are left with whatever substance there is to it...or the lack, thereof.<br /><br />You also have to be able to recognize a path doesn't lead to success. In my 3 and a half years of living in Florida, I've done a lot of things to make you feel temporarily good, as that's one of the defining characteristics of this entertainment state... feel good for a moment and then look for the next hedonistic high, without establishing any quiet and steady routines. The dating apps are primarily intended to find "someone to do things with" by people that will put right into their profiles that they are not seeking remarriage and see the idea of dating only one person an offensive limit.<br /><br />As I reflect back on my decade in Tulsa, prior to here, I had many moments of peaceful joy by myself or with family, prior to my time with my ex, which I forgot in my desire to get away from the one that hurt me. There were and are fun things to experience there, but you could also just be content with a simple life without that being seem as boring. You could live a life of less expense without being made to feel poor for it.<br /><br />So, I'm planning to return there. Tulsa is my intended direction, as that's what I know, but Dallas or OKC are maybes, too. I am reconnecting with those from there, but I won't go back to my ex or even try. We did have several years that I thought was great, but she gave up, refused counseling to try to save it, didn't initiate any conversations, didn't check up on me, and she intentionally ended conversations. There is no way I can logically consider that for a future partner. It has to be two people working, or it's nothing.<br /><br />So... anyways. That's my update book ha. I'll update more as the path progresses and gets more clear.<br /><br /><br /><br />KCliftonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06600444076936414826noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-990770555332459643.post-36903841347853956732024-02-02T05:21:00.000-08:002024-03-09T07:26:11.011-08:00Assess the Stupidity There's a quick line in Far and Away that comes to mind as I lead off this topic. It's when Joseph is in the middle of a dual with Steven Chase, knowing very little of guns, and Shannon rides a wagon into the area and calls for him to get in the back. Joseph in his pride tells her to go away, and Shannon says, "Assess your stupidity, lad."<br /><br /> There is a wide range of songs that speaks of using your head to guard your heart... like dozens of them in every genre. It makes sense, the heart can give us "rose colored glasses" that ig ore red flags and get us into trouble. Even the Bible warns, "The heart is deceitful above all things," which is a little too strong, but it's a good warning to test your feelings with facts from time to time. This is true in romance and a good reminder as we approach valentine's day, named after a martyr and a massacre. But, it's also true for any plan or road that you follow.<br /><br /> Years and years ago...maybe a decade.. I had a meme I shared of a young girl mixing chemicals in science and words I added that said, "It isn't that it isn't." I have also noted several times something that is appropriate, here. It was when I worked at IBM, and they said Watson learned from mistakes "like humans do," which made me laugh, because we are often slow to do so.<br /><br /> But, to bring all this together, it is a good thing to have the courage to try new things. Thomas Edison kept trying new things til the light bulb was born. But, we have to have the wisdom to "Assess the stupidity" of wrong choices, or we will walk around daily feeling like a failure and trying to grow something in rocky ground. If we do learn, that would be the first step towards a path that might lead to a better way.<br /><br /> Give your attempts the time to fully be explored and see if it can work some other way. But, when you keep seeing the same endings that reinforce that path as incompatible with your dreams, have the self esteem to stand on your own if need be for a little while and venture into the unknown with hope, because hope is most definitely better than stupidity and despair.<br /><br /><br />KCliftonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06600444076936414826noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-990770555332459643.post-34228717239438307072024-01-28T18:36:00.000-08:002024-01-28T18:36:09.988-08:00God Helps Those That Help Themselves <p>There's an old saying that many know... God helps those that help themselves. When I was growing up, many thought it was a bible verse. But, it's actually from country founder Benjamin Franklin in his way to wealth booklet. The point was that you should be working towards your own success and not just sitting around waiting for someone to save you. Others can help you, and if that's offered be grateful, but ultimately your life is your responsibility and if you don't believe in yourself or your future enough to work for it, why should God believe in you to do it?</p><p>It also reminds me of another old story. There came a flood to a city, and as the waters rose, a pastor said, "God will save me." Shortly, a man knocked on his door to save him, and he said, "God will save me." Later, a boat came by his house and called to him, but he said, "God will save me." Finally, as he was on top of his roof, a helicopter came and called to him, and he refused saying, "God will save me." After the man died, he asked God why He didn't save him, and God replied, "I sent you a man, a boat, and a helicopter."</p><p>Like is confusing. Things are always changing around us. Each 5 years is very different than I expected to find myself at that point. When I took it in my hands to force a specific plan it was usually when success and happiness began to unravel. But, if I look back at times things went well for me... awards in school, work, kids... it wasn't a specific plan as much as working hard and preparing myself for what may come. And, the more preparation.. the better the result.</p><p>That is my goal. I'm taking a long term planning structure to my life. I plan to move to a cheaper area near family, get a good job and rebuild myself and develop connections to others. I'm not going to even guess how my life will change or where I'll be in 5 years, but I expect my preparation will result in the same expanded opportunities that I had the last time I followed this mentality.</p>KCliftonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06600444076936414826noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-990770555332459643.post-89838561659630780802024-01-16T12:34:00.000-08:002024-01-16T12:34:29.636-08:00Take It BackWhen my last marriage ended, I wanted to put it behind me, and combined with my voluntarily giving custody of my child to my first ex in Florida, I thought what better way. But, the problem is what I didn't recognize was that it was am act of surrendering my foundation to someone that rejected me...two people, actually... as I was also giving up custody to my first ex that had never stopped and would continue to attack me to make herself look better by comparison to my child. But. I gave up more to my 2nd ex. <br /><br />I grew up in Oklahoma. That was my home and where my family resides. Tulsa had been my home for 5.5 years before I met my ex. I found the house to rent in which she now resides and mowed the grass and more there when we were together. When it ended, despite all this and the fact that she chose to give up and even refused my 4 requests for counseling to save the marriage...she refused to be the one to move away. When I had to go in s pandemic to Florida, I left boxes of things there. I would only be able to pay for some to be shipped to me, because that ex allowed my boxes to get wet and molded and was trashed... including many awards I had achieved. For a long time, I wouldn't even think of Tulsa or Oklahoma. because I was blocking it out. Lumping it all together geographically. But... it was mine. first.<br /><br />Before her, I owned a house in the area. Before her, I had a solid ans growing career. Before her, I had a family with two kids in my household. I took her to all my favorite spots there, but they were MY spots, first.. some of which I'd even taken previous dates to.<br /><br />I want my next decade to be taking back what was mine. The kids may not be possible, because they are grown or about to be. But, that wouldn't stop me from making another's kids my own, when I find the right one...even if they are grown, too, and having a new family to extend from my current one...and a new career whether that be the same job or a new path.<br /><br />The last several years may look like the first part of God's bet over Job. But...by God... I'll make the next part look like G D Solomon.KCliftonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06600444076936414826noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-990770555332459643.post-37421884820911801392024-01-13T12:31:00.000-08:002024-03-09T07:25:41.396-08:00Finding Forward <br />I've spent a lot of my life following or living in illusions. I'll admit some of the time in years BEING an illusion even if I thought it was true, tried to make it true, or wanted it to be true, often to impress or get someone else. I don't do it much anymore. I try not to, though I have seen a few times that I have a little, before I caught and corrected it. So, I don't judge others for it, as much as I want to learn from it in myself and others, though sometimes I wish everything had been clear to save me from bad choices made.<br /><br /> Sometimes, the illusions were people pretending to be something they are not, such as empathetic.. I've had multiple examples of that over the years that as soon as we were over evaporated or turned into attacks on my character in a period of my struggle. Sometimes, it is a place. My choice to come to Florida and Florida, itself, would be an example of this. If you had a different experience of Florida, that's great. But, I can only speak to what I've experienced.<br /><br /> Florida sounded like a great idea, both for me and my child as my 2nd marriage was ending and my ex was living in a household of money in Florida.. because in 5 years of my having custody she did not choose to move near the child to be in her life, even though I would do so within a few months of giving over custody to her in Florida. My child didn't want to go and begged me to stay in Oklahoma with me, but I was choosing what was best .. or so I would believe.<br /><br /> My first year in Florida was bad, but I figured it was just growing pains.. no pain no gain, and sometimes that is true. But... the pains never ended. I don't think I have had a single month in Florida in the 41 months of being here without some crisis or challenge to overcome. I've had a car stolen, a car accident, multiple car repairs in almost every major part being replaced (so... they're newer parts at least), rent increases. car insurance increases. retinal tears and detachments with multiple surgeries, my ex practically kidnapping my child, toxic work conditions, and a big history of dating lessons to be learned. Over 3 years into it, I barely have a few local friends and the list of who could pick me up from the hospital is so short that I had to contact someone I dated a few times to help me out, because of the multiple dozens of social events I attended and talked to many at them, almost none gave a phone number or lasted longer than being interesting conversations for their entertainment. So, while Florida seems like a fun and free state, it is often a lonely place for many (not just me) and expensive. People pay here rents that would be for the highest class of housing in Oklahoma for ...a room. So, as I announced on my social media, I plan to move back closer to family this summer or fall... joining the current of others leaving the state for the same reason.. the number one reason people give for leaving the state is to be closer to family, though other examples could certainly be crime, expense, the worst traffic I have ever seen, and racism towards white people by many.<br /><br /> I say all that to say this. Yes.. we want to move forward to happiness.. thus the name of this blog. But, pay attention to if a choice you made for that is bringing you closer to happiness. You may find as I have often that you are actually moving away from it. If that's the case, the shortest path you being happy is to turn around and walk away.<br /><br /><br />KCliftonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06600444076936414826noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-990770555332459643.post-42355154154937176842024-01-01T07:11:00.000-08:002024-01-01T07:11:55.996-08:00Karmic Justice Tempered by ObjectivityDifferent religions call it different names, but it's found in all of them.. the idea that ultimately the deficit between what struggles you face and what rewards you are given are balanced. There's an old Russian story of a woman thar faced judgment on her life and didn't look good for her. But, then they took into account the struggles she faced in life, and she was cleared. But, it's not always end of days that we see it but in this life, too.<br /><br />Taylor Swift sings that Karma is her boyfriend. Well, the sports player boyfriend isn't named Katma, but you get the point. Her life definitely is more rewarded than the decades she clawed her way up. In my case, it would be girlfriend, and like her I'd say that the idea gives me comfort to know my deficit will be reconciled, even as the idea of Karma must scare those that misused me. Indeed, without my intervention or even will, I can look at those individuals lives and see that they faced the penalty in their lives ... the deeper the bettayal.. the harsher the result. All that is left is the positive addition to my life for what I gave.<br /><br />But, this is where it is important to be objective about the good and bad in our lives. Not all that we call bad is bad, and not all we call good is good. It's like those that call themselves rich but are living on credit cards. I saw a study once that over half of those that were middle to upper class were living on credit and debt and in reality were broke... much like Inventing Anna show on Netflix that is based on a true story. But, people want what they see, even if what they see is a lie, too.<br /><br />Similarly, the accepted perception is that it is better and happier to be in a relationship and less so to be single. That CAN be true, but it can also be a similar illusion. Not all that are in a relationship is happy and not all single are sad. There are benefits to being single that make you happy, too. So, you have to temper Karma with the realization that you may be receiving your reward in other ways, even now.<br /><br />That said... my life is definitely in deficit of what I've given, and like weather patterns that revolve around and operate to balance low pressure areas, I look forward to seeing the storms of reward that arrive this year.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />KCliftonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06600444076936414826noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-990770555332459643.post-12983935641060268152023-12-29T12:30:00.000-08:002023-12-29T12:30:44.412-08:00Year in Review and Look Ahead<br /> 2023... wow. And, I thought 2020 was rough. But, I learned a lot. Without going into specific situations and people, I'll just go through the lessons I learned over the year, before I go into my hopes for the year to come.<br /><br />- Don't make career or job choices to satisfy what you think others want or to attract someone else. Remember that your critics are choosing to be your critics. What I've discovered over the years and this year is that many will fault you for doing a good or worthy task imperfectly, while they will congratulate and praise someone for doing a poor job, if they want have that person in their lives more than you. You won't impress your critics by doing more, and those that you attract would be more interested in the image and what they can gain from you in those position more than you, yourself.<br /><br />- People are driven by hormones. No matter how nice someone is, it comes down to what you are designed to want. You can suppress attraction to maintain a friendship (see more in another point), but you cannot create attraction. That is also not based on beauty, necessarily. It can be personality characteristics, as well. I've been on both sides of this over the course of the year. If it doesn't work.. it's not going to work. If they don't find you attractive, they won't... no matter how much weight you lose or job or anything else. So, just move on to another that does work. Another may find you their dream, and if they are yours.. you can build on that.<br /><br />- Friendships are more important than romantic connections. If would be nice if you can have both, but I've had a couple ex's that were friends and romantic interests, and now we have nothing but friction. I've also lost friendships with women to make ex's happy, who never stayed happy with me and ultimately was left without a support system of friendships. It's sad, but lovers come and go, but friendships will hopefully remain. It is not true that a man and woman cannot be friends, as stated in When Harry Met Sally. At times over the year, I did think it was impossible. However, it is possible, if one or both suppress that attraction for the greater friendship connection they can have. It might be possible to move from that to more, but the dangers of destruction of the friendship are great and can only happen if both express interest in more.... but that is VERY hard to decode and a misstep can destroy something beautiful. I've made the mistake, and I paid the price. I've also had others express interest, while I was not ready to consider it and lost them as friends, as well. So, be careful to preserve your friendships, even if that means not having all you might imagine, as you will want and need those friendships in the future.<br /><br />- You can make it through a lot more than you think. Several times over the year, I felt like I was at my limit of what I could handle, but then I had to handle more. Even when you are tapped out, feeling alone, have little solutions or more... life goes on and so do you. Eventually, you'll come out the other side.<br /><br />- Dedicate more time and care for those that give you their time and care. Those that show less are giving you the signal of how close they want to be. And, those that ignore you in time of need or do bad things to you do not deserve to maintain a point in your attention or regret.<br /><br />- Make your choices for your life based on what you like or what makes you happy. Then, when it's just you in holidays or more, you'll still be happy loving yourself. However, if someone invests in that happiness, make sure to return the favor.<br /><br />- Do good. Contribute to the happiness of others.. not to get them but to add to the good in this world.<br /><br />My Future <br /><br />My future goals would include these lessons, but it would include a few more things...<br /><br />- STOP thinking about those that misused you or rejected you or hurted you. It's a waste lf your time and tension.<br /><br />- Plan for your success... not how you'll deal with failures. If a path doesn't lead to happiness, get another path.<br /><br />- act, speak, try... within reason and boundaries above.. take risks. It may fail, but what do you have to lose? Life is short. Live it. Make the memories you want to have.<br /><br />- Live until you die... don't start dying early from fear and regret.<br /><br />And, next year end, let's see where that leads us.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />KCliftonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06600444076936414826noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-990770555332459643.post-40341916794273228572023-12-18T19:24:00.000-08:002023-12-18T19:24:56.381-08:00Hope and Happiness <p> Hope is hard. I think I said that in a past post. It sounds nice in Christmas carols or pillow stitch patterns. But, when you actually need hope, it is one of the hardest things to muster. Hope isn't faith. To lend my theological training to the moment, faith is concrete.. you know what you want and expect specifically how it will come about. Hope, on the other hand, is not based on specifics. It is more like having faith in faith. It is the belief that good things CAN and will happen, even if you don't know what they may be or how they may look... or what changes in your life will be required to get you there. Faith is easy. You can see the potential of success. Hope requires courage. It requires something that escapes me, many days.... expectation that not only does good exist but that it will happen to YOU.</p><p>But, you don't find hope in joyful celebrations. Those come after the hope has been realized. You find it when things are bleak. You find it when you face challenges that test you.. break you.. and you find rock bottom and make it into a firm foundation from which to rise. It's the realization, like I've been reflecting on lately, that it didn't break you... that you passed the darkest days and didn't let them consume you. Then, you begin to realize.. yeah.. maybe I CAN rise from it all and see better days. </p><p>But, those days won't look like perfection. I noted it in a past post, but I heard a quote from a neuro divergent girl in a video and put it down in writing, as I thought it was perfect...</p><p>"Listen to me. You have to stop putting conditions on your happiness.
Boo. Don’t do that.. saying I’m gonna be happy when or I’m gonna be
happy if. That’s dumb. Don’t do that. Here’s why.. you’re waiting for
a perfect life where you have no flaws and everything in your life is
just going well. Well, let me tell you something. That’s never gonna
happen. Sorry. You are a human. That means you have flaws, and your
life is gonna have flaws. Nothing is ever gonna be perfect.. ok? So,
just choose happiness. Be at peace with your imperfect existence,
because that’s all you’re ever gonna have."</p><p>I have been able to weather some incredible storms this year, but it isn't because I have such great faith. It's because I've been through so many over my life, and I found that I survived them and kept a positive view for my future, so why can't I do it, again. No matter what happens in my life, and even if my faith in the Heavens gets shaken, I've developed hope in MYSELF for what I have learned about myself. My wings have been tested, and I am always able to rise to a better tomorrow. And, that is what I hope for you, as well. <br /></p>KCliftonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06600444076936414826noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-990770555332459643.post-85789668772938803112023-12-15T18:44:00.000-08:002023-12-15T18:44:05.386-08:00Instant Karma<p> I had the idea for this blog post for like a week, but it didn't feel right time. Feels ok, now, though.</p><p>So, I think there exists this thing called instant Karma. I don't mean that someone that did someone bad suddenly faces bad, though the videos out there for that are awesome. What I mean is natural consequence. The more I reflected on it, the less stressed I am over other people that reject you or don't get you.</p><p>Here's the deal... We don't have to do anything, and we don't even have to think about it. It will happen on it's own.</p><p>If someone is nice to you, they will get more of you. If someone does bad things to you, they will get less of you. If you are nice to people, you will probably get more friends. I learned that over the years, and some of my closest friends are those of which I used to have loud debates... but always circled back because in my opinion care for someone doesn't ever really go away. It is just either shared or not.. fueled or dwindles for lack of nourishment. But, to get back to my point, people will get good if they give good, because people LIKE good. If they are distant, they will get distance... because who wants to chase someone that is only interested in you when they are bored.</p><p>So.. not a long concept. So, it's a short post. Point being, if you want good, be good. Feed those things you want to stick around in your life, because you will give them a reason to stay. Then, if they leave, let them go.. give them that Karma to lose you, and find another worthy of it being given.<br /></p>KCliftonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06600444076936414826noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-990770555332459643.post-48934410094658131802023-12-12T11:35:00.000-08:002023-12-12T11:35:37.603-08:00Recognizing Your Limitations<p> I have been working overtime... literally, like 60-70 hours a week.. to walk a fine line in my budget to cover my necessary expenses in the 3 weeks post surgery that I cannot work, due to the fact that I have to be face down for the bubble that will be in my eye. Then... Sunday, we had a huge thunderstorm during dinner delivery time. Monday, I had three people ghost me at the meeting point for something that I was trying to sell, taking up delivery time. Then, today, Ubereats had a national app bug that took out at least all lunch time. </p><p>This would be a major setback in my planned surgery. But... luckily, last night I began to realize that I just couldn't be running on steam like that and was vulnerable to.. well.. this... unexpected things that could affect the budget. So, I contacted my doctor and asked for a delay in my surgery for a couple weeks. They agreed, and poof.... my budget problems go away, as I can access the 1,100 or so after distribution fee money from the retirement plan that I accumulated from teaching and my work at the state and am vested in (vesting should be illegal by the way... it's theft of the money when you are not and a violation of your initial hiring offer).But, my point is that if I kept trying to just push through and make a bad situation work, I would potentially have ended up being homeless and/or not eating for days. Recognizing that I couldn't DO one option actually made it possible for me to HAVE happiness.</p><p>And, this concept is true for more than just a surgery date. As I am realizing over the past weeks, all truths are universal and apply to different things, similarly. I've noted before the amazing parallels that can be found between work and relationships, but those same truths apply to other social forms of contact or personal goals or more. Thomas Edison is famous for trying 2,000 times to make a light bulb, before he finally did. What if he said.... Let's try this same way again, maybe it will be different. Or, what if the KFC founder stayed in automobiles.</p><p>I had a friend that I did a lot of things with over the year, and we did a lot of things with Meetup app groups and such. And, a lot of those that are in those groups have a lot of money and time.... of course... retirement and Entertainment state. So, they are always like... this is coming up. You're doing it, right? The idea that you might not have the budget or time wouldn't really occur to them. It's like that Friends episode when half of the group mentioned to the others that they just didn't have the budget to keep doing things that they suggest. The richer group looked at them like they just said a monkey gave birth to a bowling ball. What? And, I tried to keep up with them, which required more side work and less time and less happiness... all because I didn't recognize my limitations. Dating can be the same way, and I tried doing that while short on money for a while, but all it did was make me look cheap and let to more problems, as the other person would expect me to be the provider or at least have something to provide. It also came from dating in the wrong group, too.. again.. wealthier state. If I dated in a lower class, it would be less of a problem.</p><p>So, my only point is this. If you keep trying to make bad or difficult situations work, you might just be spinning the wheels, before they come off. You might find more happiness recognizing your own limitations and finding paths to joy that actually WORK in your life.<br /></p><p> <br /></p><p><br /></p>KCliftonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06600444076936414826noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-990770555332459643.post-61814330273807388522023-12-09T18:12:00.000-08:002023-12-09T18:12:10.189-08:00Wealth is an Ego Illusion <p>Over my life, I’ve made more, and I’ve made less. One thing that I’ve come to understand is that wealth is an illusion. </p><p>Even this year.. I didn’t have the money to do if, but I did some meetup events and met a lot of people with money. And… they all complained about how much they struggled with expenses. Of COURSE they did. Just in those few months, I felt the pressure by the groups .. hey, we have THIS to do or THAT. You’re coming, right? And, people did it, because they wanted to fit in… to have “friends”.. even if that friendship only lasted as long as their bank account to do things with them an no further.</p><p>The Bible says increase seeks increase. It’s never enough. So, they do more and more and have the same few real connections. So.. what are they paying for? Ego. That’s why rich people want to be seen for donations and charity work. If they don’t have an audience, it serves no purpose for HAVING money.</p><p>The irony that I see is that at least in Tampa Bay, the most financially liberated are those living in section 8 housing (which is rather nice in places.. I know.. I worked at the Tampa Housing Authority once).. paying very little and spending money on fun, alcohol, clothes, and living life without concern of debts or image. Then, they learn not to work too hard to lose it. So… they have much better residences and assets than me, who is working every day to not go homeless after a surgery. And, they don’t have to work as hard to do it. So, all things considered, I’d say they are the richest and most free of anyone in Tampa Bay.</p><p>Wealth is an illusion. No one feels they have it. Everyone feels poor. And, happiness has nothing to do with your income level. It has more to do with not feeling the need to prove it to anyone else or fit in others’ groups.</p>KCliftonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06600444076936414826noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-990770555332459643.post-27821736371013156552023-12-06T17:51:00.000-08:002023-12-06T17:51:39.270-08:00Unrealistic Expectations<p> I realized that there is something else that I understand that has not made it to the blog, so I am doing this to correct that.</p><p> Today, I was doing some ubereats deliveries, as I often do.. and someone messaged me a complaint, which is rare. However, her message and the situations is a perfect lead into this topic. She said, "What is taking so long.. another half hour?" </p><p>First of all, it wasn't a half hour but 16 minutes till I would arrive to bring her food, but people that have that kind of tone generally aren't operating within reason. But, the fact is that she ordered 8 items from a small Japanese restaurant, which is already a slow type of restaurant to have food prepared when I arrive, and I had to wait for it to be completed. Then, she ordered near rush hour and the path from the store to her house would take me through one of the most congested traffic areas in general, and this evening was even moreso. So, she ordered a long preparation meal to be delivered in bad traffic... and was wondering what was taking so long.</p><p>And, that leads me to my topic... unrealistic expectations. It is a society problem in general, lately. You can find it in many different segments of society, but I will mention one that I've had a lot of experience with over the years.... older age dating. What I have seen in these years is both genders when they exit a relationship or marriage and are out in the dating world, again, start looking for the type of person that they wanted in their younger ages. After all... you can see them on some dating apps...ha. Those that you find on the dating apps like that are actually fake accounts. But, they have this expectation of finding someone that has financial stability (a few years after worldwide economic collapse that required everyone to beg for stimulus checks), rock hard abs and perfect hair (while their own bodies decay and sag), no emotional baggage (after being divorced), and wants to be "family" despite having their own. And.. let me burst another little bubble... you aren't going to find a virgin at our age that hasn't had sex with you and probably not someone that is sexually vibrant. Chances are that both will have self esteem issues in that area.</p><p>I've noted it a couple times, but statistically you are unlikely to find your person that matches what you need. I'm not saying that you shouldn't want it or saying that you should settle for someone bad for you. You need to seek what you want, but you should realistically understand that you will probably not find the perfect one for you... you (or me) are definitely not perfect, either. But, it will help everyone involved, I think, if people understood their post divorce expectations are often unrealistic. Then, they can settle into a soft, self confidence of themselves and be open to connecting with others for what it is... people that just want someone to talk to and begin re-framing what happiness looks like in older years. </p><p>Of course, this is not limited to dating, as I said... always seek your happiness and definitely don't allow yourself to be in a toxic situation, but from work hours to family connections to bodies to even what you find to do for fun... You may find that it is more comfortable to enjoy what you can find in your days, instead of wallowing in despair over what you cannot. <br /></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> <br /></p>KCliftonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06600444076936414826noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-990770555332459643.post-60259015532054775142023-12-05T11:34:00.000-08:002023-12-05T11:34:46.958-08:00Nutrients for Happiness <p> I should’ve done this post a long time ago, since it’s something that I personally practice. I learned many years ago that the right nutrients can make you feel better and happier and the loss of them can make you feel incomplete. It takes an emotional affect, as well. Sometimes, you may feel like you are down about things or struggling, when all you need to do is eat something and take a vitamin or mineral. So, I want to go over some of my own things I take and why.</p><p>B E D - it’s a funny little combination of letters into a word, but if you take <a href="https://amzn.to/3RuiXf9" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">B vitamins</a> by themselves or in a <a href="https://amzn.to/41aFXTB" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">multivitamin </a>combined with <a href="https://amzn.to/47K0jWg" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">vitamin E</a> and <a href="https://amzn.to/3RtOLkm" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">D</a>.. you get a peaceful rest and are less anxious over things.. but I’d take B early in the day, so it doesn’t affect sleep.</p><p><a href="https://amzn.to/47JEyGj" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Calcium, Magnesium, Zinc with D</a> - this is a way to get that D as well, but I break up the daily supplement amount to spread over the day. It helps with eye calmness, too. Plus, Zinc helps with colds, but if you take a multivitamin this might become less important.</p><p><a href="https://amzn.to/47ItyJc" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Iron </a>- Last week, I was feeling very drained and weak one day, but I realized that I hadn’t had any red meat or iron fortified foods in a bit. Women’s multivitamins often contain it but not men’s, as they assume men will be eating meat. With I gave blood, it confirmed that yes.. I was on the very bottom of acceptable range.. AFTER I started taking Iron.</p><p>Protein - I’ve watched people that were working out and avoiding fat so much that their protein levels were a fraction of what they need in a day. I have absentmindedly done it myself at times. But, if you go too low in protein, you not only cut down on your body fuel source but slow your metabolism.. meaning your body isn’t processing what you DO eat to function, too. This can make you lightheaded or weak in itself and make you feel achy in my experience. Also, keep in mind that to make full protein from non meat sources, you need both grains and nuts or beats to make complete proteins.</p><p>So, I hope this helps you. I’m not a doctor and this isn’t medical advice, but it’s what I have noticed in my own life. Also, be careful of the<a href="https://www.webmd.com/vitamins-and-supplements/vitamins-minerals-how-much-should-you-take" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> ranges of what is safe to take</a>, and you can adjust that if you know.. for example like I knew from my blood history that I run low on iron and with diet in mind.. but again consult your physician if you have questions.<br /></p>KCliftonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06600444076936414826noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-990770555332459643.post-50223527675775972372023-12-03T08:29:00.000-08:002023-12-03T08:35:54.846-08:00Be Happy Alone<p> I know it’s very off trend, especially in this time before holidays. But, you can be happy as a single person. Am I suggesting that forever? No. But, bowing to pressure to be a couple is the story in part of how I ended up with two bad matches for my emotional needs.. my 2nd ex was literally proposed to at Christmas.</p><p>I am very slowly building up this blog into a vision I have in my head without the time to focus on it, so it will take some time. But, while I will include some elements that the romantic will like, I plan to also include a roadmap to happiness if you remain single. I may be in that camp, for all I know. </p><p>You can be single and be happy. You can buy yourself flowers as Miley says. You can sexually satisfy your self as Inna and Hailee Steinfeld sing and of which Emma Watson calls being “self partnered” in <a href="https://www.vogue.co.uk/news/article/emma-watson-on-fame-activism-little-women">Vogue</a>.</p><p>It has taken me years to get to the point of being confident that I can be happy single to wait til it feels right and be able to walk away if not. Funny, isn’t it? You have all this feeling of need to find someone after something ends, but once you discover self love you lose that need and only then are you ready to find someone.</p><p>But, make connections to friends. They are more important than a mate to have in your life. And, if you need a friend, reach out to me. I’ll be your friend. Just don’t let the holidays make you feel incomplete and convince you that you are unhappy. A few suggestions …one.. listen to “<a href="https://youtu.be/Dm9Zf1WYQ_A?si=PRxcQYzrkGY4lhpA" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">My Future” by Billie Eilish </a>in my current playlist. Second, watch How to Be Single and He’s Just Not Into You. And make a list of things you love about yourself.</p><p>And, then believe in yourself enough to enjoy yourself and be happy with what you find. Fill your cup, before you start pouring out to anyone else… and save some of that cup to toast yourself, along the way.</p>KCliftonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06600444076936414826noreply@blogger.com0