Fashion Mags

Free 2 B

Forward to Happiness Product Picks

Saturday, December 24, 2016

Christmas vs Good Will to All

This season bothers me. is NOT because people are mentioning Jesus for all those that believe there is a war on Christmas....not for their being restricted from saying Jesus but because they can't make all others say it...even if that does bother me, AS a Christian.

No.  That is not the problem, and it is not the commercialism.  I mean...people are going to be commercial, anyway, so why NOT do it promoting love and joy and peace in the world.  Sounds good to me.

No....what bothers me as a Christian is how FAKE CHRISTIANS are on full display.  What do I mean?  Well, it is kinda related to what I said in the first paragraph but much, much more.  It is the SAME thing that bothered me in the election, where Christians had NO PROBLEM calling it a Christian thing do bear false witness against Hillary Clinton, while silently endorsing Trump's rapist mentality toward women and the mountain of not only sins but crimes of which he is accused and facing court investigation.  I can it be a "godly" thing to SIN (false witness) on behalf of a political party to elect a sinful man that wants to start wars and cut funds from the I in the twilight zone?

And, so we move into the Christmas season, where these SAME people that just a month ago was vocally ensorsing a sinful man and sinning on behalf of him for the sake of a party and cutting funds from the elderly and poor now all put up twinkle lights and sing God Bless Us every one....well, maybe not EVERY one, if you happen to be mexican...or muslim...or a liberal...or a woman, and you BETTER be saying JESUS, no matter your faith, because well....we elected FASCISM instead of FREEDOM in the last election, right?

Ugh...rather than saying God bless us, I feel, daily, that we need to be asking God to FORGIVE US for taking HIS NAME in vain on behalf of sin and letting THAT be the face upon which the world will judge him.  I still lament the current day Church that actually feels their donations are better used by political donations attacking the poor and downtrodden than paying for shelters or food for the poor or know, the ones Jesus said HE would BE in the world, today? 

In any case, soon we will be past the holidays, and those people can go back to hating and judging and controlling, as always, and those of us that were judged for being different can go back to the business of caring for those in our lives and paying taxes for the less fortunate.  Maybe God will see our heart and save us in the NEXT election.

Saturday, December 17, 2016

My amazing Christina

My life has been so much different over the last year and a half than it has for the entire length of years before it.  There is one reason for that, Christina. 

Yesterday, I was leaving work and people at work joked that it was my last days of freedom.  The one that said it was joking, but I do see many at work that SHOW this attitude, and it is not just this job but every job and place that I have been, including social media.  They do things to occupy themselves to not be at work.  They state the need for "personal time" away from their spouse, which becomes more and more time.  When they talk about their spouse, it is "the old ball and chain" and like they are talking about a rebellious child or a warden, and there is no end to meme's and videos online about the husband as being an idiot or brute or the wife as being the nag or emotionally unstable.  This is not to say that every day will be perfect, and there will be fights and things that each of you will do that the other won't want to do.  However, what I am talking about is the PRIORITY you put on those choices and the DESIRE of where you spend your time.  Jesus said in Matthew 6:21, "For where your treasure is, there will be your heart also."  Basically, what you value the most is where you will spend your time.  But, I understand their doubt.  There are many places where the search for love falls apart, if you don't wait to find it.  After both of our ex's, even we were doubtful there would be true love out there, and I experienced several failed options, along the way, after my divorce to cause me to further doubt it existed.  But, I kept solid to what I was looking for and gave it time, and just when I was about to give up, I found her...on a dating app of all places and not just a dating app but one that is not known for the best filters...indeed, almost none.  But, I had no money,and it as free.  So, of course, I was doubtful at the start, and I wasn't sure a good person would be there.  But, that is just life...there will always be those right for you as your love or your friends or whatever.  If you keep looking and chose well, magic can happen.

I say all of this to say that there is a REASON that I spend MY time doing dates two times a week, an evening out at the hotel once a month, tv time with her each night, texting through the day, and being upset when we CAN'T be spending our time, together.  We LIKE each other, and I really LOVE everything about her.  As I stated at the start of this blog, it changed my entire life.  It did NOT change ME in that it didn't change my views of diversity, parenting, friendship, God, love, or any other characteristic that makes What it DID was provide someone that LOVED that IN me, and I loved that in her.  So, we lived HAPPILY, after that point, not like being a man out of place like a liberal in a conservative state or a man behind enemy lines.  I could live in CHRISTINA world, and I love that world.

So, today, I celebrate her birthday, and tomorrow I will make her wife.  In all my days, I have never been so sure that every tomorrow will be better and better with her, and I look forward to turning and reading each new page.  It is going to be such the interesting and exciting story.

Friday, December 9, 2016

Turn Away from the Un-repentent (following the example of God)

I have said it many times, but so many of the religious (not just Christians) want to be more Holy than God.  That may sound odd, and it IS in fact odd.  Even the religious will tell you that the very DEFINITION of Holiness comes from God, Himself.  He is the standard of what is good, because good is defined by being like Him. 

Indeed, the church often SAYS they want to be like God, but saying it and doing it are two different things.  What they truly mean is that they want to be like what they choose to accept of God, and they want to ignore the rest.  Like..they love to quote God as law giver when it comes to their desire to condemn sinners, while ignoring the words of Jesus that the sum of the law is love and His words not to judge. 

Similarly, they like to claim that they are like God to love and forgive without condition.  I fell victim to this lie for over a decade, as my ex abused by good nature to use me for her own ends and control me.  I felt that it was "Christian" to stay and take it and would be UN-Godly to walk away.  Well, let me give you three points, and, then, you tell me what is the view of God on this theory...

1.  First, we have this passage, "If your brother sins against you, go and rebuke him in private. If he listens to you, you have won your brother. 16But if he won’t listen, take one or two more with you, so that by the testimony of two or three witnesses every fact may be established. If he pays no attention to them, tell the church. But if he doesn’t pay attention even to the church, let him be like an unbeliever" - Matt 18:15-17

This was not just some minor character but JESUS HIMSELF saying that if someone that did you wrong will not repent of it, you should cut them out of your life.  This is NOT Him saying that if someone does something in your presence that you don't like, you go rebuke them.  That would be judgment, and He isn't asking you to be policeman of the world. is someone that specifically does something AGAINST YOU... like controlling you, defaming you, lying about you to others, making fun of you, exploiting your resources, violence, theft, breaking and entering your house, or much more.  If they do those things, Jesus says that you have a duty to speak up and say...that was wrong.  If they refuse to listen, you are to CAST THEM AWAY from you, or get away from them, yourself.

2.  Then, there is this...

Do not murder;
do not commit adultery;
do not steal;
do not bear false witness;
and love your neighbor as yourself.
22When the young man heard that command, he went away grieving, because he had many possessions." - Matt 19:16-22

This reminds me of my tweet, this morning...

What did the person coming to Jesus want?  Did he TRULY want to learn how to love others and to please God, or was he trying to find out the bare minimum to be able to keep doing what he wanted to do?  Of course, it is answered right after, when Jesus asked him to give his money to the poor, certain religious and political leaders of this day that SAY they are holy, they will never give up their money for the poor.  Indeed, they want to fight any attempt to take it from their check to give to the poor, also.  No, these remind me of my ex and many others that have, over time, given me the false image of being "righteous" only when it served them...or say sorry when they are not acting it or say they want to help, when there is no requirement to follow.  Many of these type of people will SAY whatever they need to SAY, in order to DO what they want to DO, and that is what we see in this passage.  This is the very purpose that I created Living First Edition blog, because the world is full of those content to live by the lowest common denominator...and we all deserve to be and receive better.

3.  Finally, the third example is so obvious that I don't even need to quote a passage to illustrate it, and it goes right back to my leading point in saying that many try to be holier than God.  God, Himself, does not forgive the unrepentant.  He demanded it in His time on Earth, and He has created a hell for those that refuse to admit their wrongs against Him or anyone else, and since God is the definition of holiness, THAT is HOLY.

It is not a violation of righteousness to demand that those that do you wrong should be sorry for doing it or should face a punishment for it.  It is the basis of the very justice system of this world and the universe.  Instead, it is a violation of holiness to forgive those that are not sorry or to deprive them from what their deeds have earned from the Universe and from God.  You are not judge.  You don't have to carry out the punishment.  Karma or judgment will do that.  See my blog, for more on universal law.  You, just follow the teachings of God and cast them away from you, if you would have better days.

Saturday, November 19, 2016

Selling Your Soul..the Worship of Money

The election really lit a fire in me that I had put down and ignored for a while, but .... as has been repeated to me in my own life and in my observation... when you see a wrong in society and say nothing about it, it WILL return to you.  Edmund Burke said, "The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." Yes, indeed.

I think the thing that this last election showed me the most was exactly that.  When I saw the extremist elements of the GOP arising in the party, I checked myself out of it and's a problem for another person.  Surely NO ONE would be stupid enough to go along with this, and it will die out.  Then, I see the result of the last election.

I think that the thing that offended me the MOST in the last election is the complete TURN ON GOD by HIS OWN CHURCH in voting for Donald Trump.  Does that sound like I am being a little extreme?   Well, normally, I would agree with you that it is not something that you should do to say that God is for this candidate or that candidate, this party or that one.  The truth is that God is for NO party.  He is for people, and I don't mean for them to worship him.  God is not an egotistical maniac.  Jesus didn't go around taking selfie pictures of Himself, saying...this miracle brought to you by the Holy Trinity.  Indeed, almost all of the time, if not all the time, he went around saying NOTHING.  He didn't wear Nascar patches on his cloak as he healed people.  He didn't have a book stand of his gospel, as he fed the poor.  He didn't even say that GOD was the one doing the healing.  He just HEALED, FED, CARED for the poor and needy.

I think there is a reason that Jesus spent most of His time in the gospels talking about corruption IN HIS OWN CHURCH in that day and the days to come.  He made it very clear that a TRUE minister would not worship God AND fact, he said that one could not do both.  He specified that EVERYONE in HIS service should be judged by their FRUIT...what it is that they produced.  He warned about those that would come in the appearance of a dove but act like a serpent.  And, he said that HIS followers would be known for their LOVE.

That last one is the one that is so damning to the current day church and is the reason that I do not attend, anymore.  It is not because I have NOT attended or know nothing of "ministry" fact it is the opposite. I have attended too much to stomach it, any longer, and I have been educated in a fundamentalist "christian" seminary enough to know from the inside what they are taught about how to manipulate people into their ranks.

Church stopped being about "ministry" a long time ago, and most churches that exist, today, have almost NO church committees or branches for feeding the poor, shelters for battered women, clinics for drug users, adoption centers, providers of health care, or such.  But, they have REALLY BIG BUILDINGS, and their worship service has a good light show...and after all that is what Jesus was all about, right?  Wrong.

Now, we are in such a corrupt generation that we just has a person that was KNOWN for his SIN that got elected, which is bad enough.  However, THE CHURCH was on his side, and so...I cannot be silent any more.

So, go ahead and vote for a man that bragged about cheating on his wife and wanting to sleep with a married woman and said he can do anything he wants to women's bodies, because he is a celebrity, but don't claim it is a vote FOR GOD.  It is a vote for sin, especially when you are being led by him to vote against medical care for the elderly and poor, against food for the hungry, education, and protection for the refugees running from persecution from other lands.  And don't claim that declaring an entire race or an entire religion as being so evil that they must be shunned is an act of God.

However, that is how our society has turned.  We live in a society where churches are the new gambling casinos.  People come to church and give to God, believing from their pastors that they will get rich as a result of it..just like the gamblers at the slots.  Meanwhile, property values plummet around the church, while the church gets very big and fancy.  The house always wins.  It reminds me of how I was talking to my fiance about ORU, here in Tulsa, that promised everyone that if they gave them money that God would prosper them, only to have the college ITSELF go so bankrupt that it took an 110 million dollar bailout from the Green family to stay afloat.  So, how can a ministry claim to its flock and book buyers that God will create money out of no where, when they, themselves, go bankrupt....all the while the Roberts family lives in their rich houses and private planes.  One should ask ...why is it that the members of modern day churches MUST give 10 percent to be considered "christian" but the ministers give NOTHING to ANYONE?

The churches of our day have sold their soul for money.  There are a few exceptions, but they are not on the broad way that leads to death but the narrow way that leads to life, and they are not known for their glitz and glamour and big buildings, because their money is better spent on actually PAYING for the needs of others.  For all the criticism that the "church" has of government social programs, there is not one law or regulation or anything else that keeps them from donating a portion of their money to the local food shelter or women's shelter or government health program.  Nor are there any restriction on you, either.

So, the next time that you feel tempted to buy into the argument of RICH Republicans that never give to charity and vote EVERY vote for one purpose...self accumulation and use of wealth...consider the pooor.  We are in the season of gratitude and sacrifice.  Don't trust any minister that does not understand both of those concepts, either.  They are not from God.

Saturday, November 12, 2016

Is God Author of Evil .. debunking the "will of God" claim

One of the extremist claims of the religious right over the years thaf has bothered me the most is the claim that whatever happens is the will of God.  It is a convenient excuse for them to get out of taking responsibility for their lives or their actions.  Someone's house burns down and they say... God is testing them.  Someone is married to an abuser, and they say God put them there to be abused to be abused.  Someone gets sick, and God is wanting them to trust him. 

To listen to this group, you would think that God loves the very devil they preach against, because everything according to them is of the devil and God directs the devil's actions for the good of mankind.  T

However, the contradictions are too glaring for even the most basic person of reason.  If God is behind it all, why pray against it?  And, why would God send people to hell for fulfilling His will for them?  Then again, if it is all the devil, hoe cam he be evil, doing the will of God?  And if it is all God's plan, how can homosexuality be wrong (as they judge not in reality) since everything that happens is God's will and some choose that lifestyle.  Indeed, how was Obama wrong, being God's chosen leader for having been elected, how is abortion wrong for having happened, and how was Hitler wrong for killing millions, as ALL THINGS are the will of God?

Of course, it is true that all things DO happen for a reason... that is a scientific fact.  The fault lies in attributing divine purpose to that reason.  If people are free to make mistakes or sin or hate or kill, there are going to be those wronged or injured or murdered for the PURPOSE that we chose that path.  GOD is not the author of our sin or responsible for our choices.  We are. 

Further, the church has over the years held the mentality that "might makes right" and despite their disdain for evolution holds a very Darwinian view of society  (which all fascist dictators believe too) that if God allows someone to take power, it is God's will and that has been used to justify conversions of cities to Jesus by the sword, invading and taking over occupied lands, slavery and the current political events.

But, to say this means that the subjection of races, the domination of males, the abuse of women or children, and... indeed... the DAILY examples of rape, murder, theft, and more must be God's will and, as such. .. we may as well do away with the police, especially if... for example. ..a current sitting President may have thousands of lawsuits that would be very embarrassing to the ministries that proclaimed him God's choice.

People are people.  They make choices.  Those choices have consequences, and those consequences are not not the will of God any more than their choices are.  It is about time that people start dealing with the fact that evil exists, and it is not in the shape of a demon but your neighbor or Co worker or "family" or other person making poor choices to harm and injure and be given the consequences of such a person fir their actions, and those that make good choices the actions of choose those around us that build us up and reject those that tear us down.  Then, we can approach God not as an excuse but as a friend to see how we may make His world a little better.

Thursday, November 10, 2016

Religion and the Rise of Nazi Germany

I have decided to do a weekly blog on the rise of Nazi party in Germany, due to the VERY striking similarities in our current day and the fact that those that do not learn from the past are doomed to repeat it.
And, that is part of the problem.  When have you learned about the Nazi's....have you had ONE class about it..or one chapter..or one school?  History fell behind all the other subjects in the need for preparation for national TESTING...testing which only validates the message of this article, by the way.

Do you even know what Fascism means?  I know you have heard seems that EVERYONE is a fascist.  Hillary was called one, many times, and that is absurd.  If anything, she is a communist, and that is extreme...but I bet you don't even know what the differences between the two groups are.  Allow me to educate you, all from the FREE source of Wikipedia, which for the purpose of this article serves the purpose well.

Fascism:  "a form of radical authoritarian nationalism...opposes liberalism, Marxism and anarchism and is usually placed on the far-right within the traditional left–right spectrum....
Fascists believe that liberal democracy is obsolete, and they regard the complete mobilization of society under a totalitarian one-party state as necessary to prepare a nation for armed conflict and to respond effectively to economic difficulties.Such a state is led by a strong leader—such as a dictator and a martial government composed of the members of the governing fascist party—to forge national unity and maintain a stable and orderly society.Fascism rejects assertions that violence is automatically negative in nature, and views political violence, war, and imperialism as means that can achieve national rejuvenation. Fascists advocate a mixed economy, with the principal goal of achieving autarky through protectionist and interventionist economic policies.  ...
One common definition of the term focuses on three concepts: the fascist negations of anti-liberalism, anti-communism and anti-conservatism; nationalist authoritarian goals of creating a regulated economic structure to transform social relations within a modern, self-determined culture; and a political aesthetic of romantic symbolism, mass mobilization, a positive view of violence, and promotion of masculinity, youth and charismatic leadership. According to many scholars, fascism—especially once in power—has historically attacked communism, conservatism and parliamentary liberalism, attracting support primarily from the far right"

 Does that sound familiar?  You know...a group out there that is violently opposed to socialist ideologies and rallies behind a strong leader, praise of masculinity, and far right? not.  No we are a "christian" nation, right?  That is not Nazi's right?

"A census in May 1939, six years into the Nazi era and incorporating the annexation of mostly Catholic Austria into Germany, indicates that 54% considered themselves Protestant, 40% Catholic, 3.5% self-identified as "gottgläubig" (lit. "believers in god", often described as predominately creationist and deistic), and 1.5% as non-religious." - Religion in Nazi Germany

So...1 percent atheist.  One percent....Germany was not against Christianity, it was a CHRISTIAN nation.  Indeed, it considered itself doing the work of God. Indeed, the Nazi symbol was an ancient CROSS used by the church.

And, that is where I will leave it for this week for you to reflect and consider.  Hitler didn't make the Nazi party.  the Nazi party CHOSE Hitler, being already of a fascist mentality.  As we just elected a strong military leader to oppose socialism, isolate our borders, and rule the nation with a hard line and condemning all political opponents to disagreeing....consider.  Who appointed you judge of even your brother, let alone all of society.  This election was not about the electing of one leader but the growing belief that ANYONE has the ability, knowledge, or authority to say to ANY other person that they are wrong for what they believe or how they live, be they liberal, socialist, athiest, black, mexican, muslim, gay, young, or any other indicator of a TRUE society of FREEDOM...diversity.  THAT is the American dream that is on the verge of extinction.

Wednesday, November 9, 2016

"righteous" bullies

So, I am sure you heard that Donald Trump is the new President.  He didn't actually win the popular vote, but the electoral college gave him the victory.  However, I want to focus on what I have been saying for the last several weeks on my Instagram and Twitter.  Indeed, I have been saying it for months, but those that needed to hear it was blocking their ears.  Donald Trump didn't skew and pervert the GOP into the heartless, war mongering, racist, sexist, party that it is.  The party has been saying such things for over a decade, and Trump is the CHOSEN candidate of that voting bloc.

I want to post several things that I have personally experienced and seen in the last 24 hours as proof.  First, there was many Christian commentators that said that if you were a true Christian, you would be voting for Trump to save the babies that could be effect, saying you were killing babies to vote for Hillary Clinton.  So, it comes as no surprise that my youngest daughter was pushed down at her school, today, by a bully that told her "Hillary is stupid" and calling her a baby killer for supporting the first woman candidate for President in the nation's history.

Then, there was my post, last night, where I said that Hillary would be back in 4 years to run for President, and TWO of my "christian" friends hoped she would die, before then.  I had someone reply on an anti Trump by calling Hillary Clinton a "cunt"...quickly deleted by myself...and unfriended.

This may shock you, unless you I just said and have been saying...TRUMP IS THE REFLECTION OF THE GOP RIGHT.  He isn't the exception to how they are.  He was THEIR choice, chosing him over very popular NON-VIOLENT alternatives.  Indeed, it was released in the last month a tape of Trump saying he wanted to bed a married woman and grab her by her "pussy" and was implicated in at least 11 similar incidents of him doing these things, to which Trump had said as a "celebrity" he can do anything.  And, how did the "religious" right respond?  It had no impact on them, at all.  Instead, they started saying that they didn't care about his sinful and abusive behavior as a qualification to be President of the USA.  Of course, this comes to mind...

I mean...what exactly was wrong with Bill Clinton, again?  Let's compare... Republicans spent 4 years attacking Bill for real estate scandals, but they don't care about the thousand lawsuits against Trump University.  They held impeachment trials for Bill for his consentual (but wrong) cheating with women, but they don't care about the NON-consentual physical abuse of Donald Trump and the 11 women saying he sexually harrassed them.  I can only assume that the first several years of the Trump campaign will include similar congressional investigations and impeachment hearings about Trump, right?  Wrong....because it is becoming increasingly clear that moral are RELATIVE to the Religious Right...wrong for Democrats but perfectly fine for the GOP.  I guess the Bible only relates to OTHER people, to them...which is good, because they just defied the Scriptures themselves in voting for a known angry, lustful, greedy man to serve their own purposes and who wants to cut healthcare for millions, education for children, and ignore the problems of the world.  They are DIRECT accomplices to EVERY act Trump does for the next 4 years and will share the guilt before their God.

It is one thing for Democrats to have voted for someone that did sin, BEFORE being elected, and it is something else, entirely, to KNOW how he is before casting their vote for him.  That is not a party is a moral endorsement.

That said, and going back to the bully on the playground that spoke Trump's own words (but not as far as Trump has said), this is the culture of the next four years of hate and condemnation by the newly appointed SS to the new Fascist leader.  Hiel Trump.  God help us.

Friday, November 4, 2016

Trusting Experience - Hillary Clinton for President

The last post focused on the anti-logic drive of Trump supporters to elect him.  Now, I want to focus on the other side of the coin...the experience and qualification that they want to so easily dismiss.  I will do three points on this, as I did three for Trump.

1.  After all the hubub of he said that and she said this...and saying this person is THAT person is immoral, you have to come down to one simple question..who can do the job.  I think that no one has so clearly illustrated that as Hillary Clinton.  Indeed, I think she has presented a better picture of some that is prepared for the job than ANY recent President in the last 50 years.  Just think about it.  Most of the people that have been President have had NO experience in doing the job.  Obama was a civil rights advocate, Bush jr was a Governor of a state, Bill Clinton was a lawyer, Bush Sr was a Director of Intelligence and was one of the more qualified GOP leaders (and who has not endorsed Trump), Reagan was an actor, and so on.  Hillary, actually, has experience as Secretary of State dealing with world leaders, as Congressman from New York (where there is great diversity and lots of issues with which to deal), and 8 years in the White House as First lady, where she didn't just hold tea for the ladies but was actively involved in budget issues, military affairs, and more.  No matter whether you agree with her or not, you cannot deny her history of experience doing...exactly what she would be doing, after elected.

2.  And, speaking of her time dealing with world leaders, let's consider how the world would respond to her vs Trump.  Whether it be the growing world Muslim population, latin america, or Europe, who do you think would rather DEAL with America as it's leader in affairs of state or FINANCIAL trade policies?  Isolation may sound great to a small faction of right wing fanatics in compounds, but imagine higher taxes on our goods sold in other countries or closed markets to our products.  How do you think it will impact our economy to have more money going OUT to buy OTHER countries goods than coming in to buy ours?  I greatly accept a leader that CAN go to other nations for our financial it was said that only Nixon could go to China. 

3.  Finally, I will willingly for the woman.  I know that she would hate to be elected for that reason, as it undercuts her ability or qualification.  However, if it really doesn't matter, why NOT vote for the first woman President as an inspiration to your daughters or the daughters of foreign countries that your voice DOES count and you really CAN become what you want to achieve in this land of America.  Or, is America just to undeveloped and archaic for that kind of liberty?  It is up to you.

The Anti Intellectual Crusade for Trump

This is the first of two blog posts I will do on election observations this year.  Then, I will focus on non political evils of this world in need of escape (as is the point of this blog...forward to happiness from current or past evils).  The first will focus on what I want to call the anti-intellectual crusade to save Donald Trump.  I can't think of a better way of describing it, because it defies all logic, and I will do it in list fashion, as is the mind of an accountant...ha.

1.  I think the first stark contrast is the religious crusade (that is why I chose that word) to stamp Trump as the "righteous candidate."  Personally, I think this is founded in the backwards nature of American churches that does not determine good and change themselves but decide what they want and declare it well as all means to an end of their pursuit of achieving it.  How it would be that you have two that is well known for her Methodist faith and the other for his sinful acts..and the church comes down STRONGLY on the side of the one that barely donates to charity, wants to cut off medical benefits to illegal aliens, wants to disband the Department of Education, and cut federal benefits to the poor and needy.  Why?  Because their pastor SAID that he was God's own choice.  This was Predicted.  I recall the New York Times in June saying that the pastors were having a conference to determine HOW to portray Trump as a good candidate, so they could get him elected.  After that, he was suddenly announced to be "born again" and, as such, can't be held to his if his present comments or coming months would be so much better.  However, even as audio was released of him saying that as a celebrity he could do anything, including grabbing a woman by their "pussy" and that he wanted to bed a married woman, the church STILL stood by him as their "man of God."  Isn't it a sign of the end that a sinful man stands at the lead of the church of God...just saying.

2.  Next, apart from the religious aspect, let's move ON to the elephant in the uber conservative voting booth....abortion.  I understand that some have deep convictions that believe life begins at conception and should be protected from death until birth.  Personally, I agree with the philosophy and would like to see that not happen.  But, a lot of deaths happen for reasons I don't think are just, including the death penalty, diseases that can be prevented by immunization, illegal aliens without health care, society inequalities of racism or religion, and such.  However, let me ask you a VERY logical question.  Does ANYONE that has paid attention to this election think that Trump will do ANYTHING about an issue that will turn off half the voters?  He is a populist candidate for God's sake.  He, like most candidates is interested in only one thing...getting re-elected.  He wants ratings, so it is in his advantage to SAY he is against MANY things but to DO very little to rock the boat.  Lately, Republicans are VERY well known for saying one thing and voting or doing something else, entirely....or have we forgotten that it was BUSH that bailed out our capitalistic system with government money, not Obama.

3. I will only identify 3 things for each candidate (my leading points)... there is the STARK reality that Trump supporters are in direct contradiction to their own claim about WHY it is essential to elect Trump.  They claim that we need a change from the EVIL of Obama or the IMMORALITY of Bill Clinton.  Setting aside the fact that Bill Clinton is not RUNNING for President and has shown NO interest in telling Hillary how to lead (assuming she would accept the advice), how is it that the VERY SAME reasoning is not applied to Trump.  Indeed, they claim that Bill Clinton was immoral and cheated on his wife, but they seem to breeze over Trumps admission of doing the same.  Then, they get offended that Obama wanted to come in and change the way America is run, so they want to elect a man that wants to change the way America is run...both wanting to change laws to do it.  Indeed, Trumps whole solution to the abortion problem is NOT to VOTE to change the law, as is the constitutional method but the appoint Supreme Court justices that WANT to legislate from the bench and change  it back.  They, also, feel that Obama was inexperience in fixing the economy, so they want to ...elect a man that declared business bankruptcy 4 times and has NO experience in ANY political office or dealing with any foreign power and whose solution to other countries seems to be to judge them and their people and shoot first, ask questions later?  If he WERE to be elected, I would predict a month before our first major war, as the world would know who it was we elected and Trump would have the power of a nuclear military to fulfill his penis contest male defining ego.  Personally, I would rather go for someone that has experience in doing the job, but that is the next post.

Monday, October 31, 2016

Poor Satan...Real Evil in Our Midst

I felt that Halloween was the perfect time to focus on something that has been a long standing problem between me and the "religious" crowds of modern America.  Specifically...the definition of evil.  Modern churches have become empty shells of a once great institution that actually did GOOD things to help their brother and know... the golden thy neighbor..the words of Jesus?  I recall, even within my lifetime, when churches would have ongoing ministries to ...donate food to the local food bank, give blankets to the homeless, give shelter to battered women, etc.  Indeed, James 1:27 says, "Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction..."  However, that is not how the current church "ministers" to God.  No, current ministries spend all their time judging the world (when it has been ordered by Jesus not to Judge) and using guilt to increase monitary donations and "preaching the gospel" to the "lost"...while not only ignoring the PAIN of those lost but increasing it on them.  St Francs of Assisi said, “The deeds you do may be the only sermon some persons will hear today.”  And, he also said, "Nor did demons crucify Him; it is you who have crucified Him and crucify Him still,,,"

And, that is where Halloween and spirits and the "church" comes in, for this blog post, today.  Demons did not crucify Christ.   People did.  However, to listen to modern church, evil consists of one thing....the devil and evil spirits...and those that they deem to have followed him...not because they are walking around saying, "Lucifer for President." (indeed, the church seems to be doing a good enough job of that this election) but because they have deemed "the world" to be evil and themselves to be "good" and...and anyone that opposes what THEY want is of the devil, and following ANY actions (or supporting any candidate) is "good" so long as it gets them what they want, such as tax money for churches, bigger churches, Republican candidates, or whatever.  Anyone that opposes this mission or that does not give enough in church or does not volunteer on a church board is EVIL and a follower of a mythological and INVISIBLE dark Lord, while they completely IGNORE the EVILS of hunger, rape, murder, abuse, racism, poverty, slavery, etc.  Indeed, they don't have to go looking for invisible beings for the source of evil, when there are PEOPLE that are doing that or suffering that, often right in their own congregations.

Evil is not a child dressing up as a demon or a vampire, and it is not even an ADULT WITCH...yes.  I said it.  Do we really have to go back to centuries past when the VERY CHURCH that conservatives say they want to get back to being like in the early years of this country was BURNING WOMEN ALIVE for even the CHARGE of being a witch.  This is one reason that I love watching the TV series Salem, coming back on this week.  It brings right into sight what REAL evil is...not someone charged of being a witch.  Indeed, not even someone that IS a witch.  Witches are just people that read the signs, repeat confessions, believe in outcomes, study nutrition, and harmonize with nature (many Christians do the same, and, indeed, many witches are in fact believers in Jesus).  No, REAL evil was the crowds screaming, "burn the witch," just as Jesus heard, "crucify him," NOT by heathens but by HIS VERY RELIGIOUS FOLLOWERS OF JUDAISM.  Why is it that we must keep seeing this lesson, again and again.  Even Hitler was a "christian" and his symbol a cross.

Evil is not in a spirit.  Spirits can be good or they can be bad, but men have been doing that and ARE doing that, all around us.  The QUESTION is...what will YOU choose... love or hate, caring or condemning.  Will you CHOOSE good or evil, no matter the mask you are wearing, even to church.

Sunday, October 23, 2016

It isn't that it isn't

Denial kills more dreams than anything else and is the biggest roadblock to progress.  There are many things I didn't like about my time working at IBM, but one thing that I learned from an online training course, there, stuck with me.  It said that as part of their innovation process, it was essential to FAIL QUICKLY.  What they meant by that was to accept that it was failed and learn from it to apply to the next opportunity.  Otherwise, you keep re-living the same failed experience out of desperate but unfounded hope to get what you want.

The fact is that things are or they aren't. It is or it isn't, and...more importantly, it isn't what it isn't.  I can't even imagine how much better my life would have been and how much less psychological damage was done to me, if I had realized this in dealing with my ex that I knew within the first year of marriage cared nothing about my own needs or wants.  Then, there is my older daughter that I KNEW was self centered and a user.  When she came to me, after failing out of college and needing a place to stay and someone to pay for her college, I should have known from my own experience that what she needed was NOT someone to just continue to prop up her user nature.  However, I believed....without any history to back it...that if I came to her aid and paid all her bills and showed her an example of what she SHOULD do that she would respect me, take responsibility, and live right.  But, as I have learned over and over as I have grown, people do not change.  Who they are, today, is who they are, tomorrow, and, my daughter confimed all of that in taking all my money, living at my house without contributing to it, demanding when and where I took her, and getting pissed when I expected her to show responsibility for her own life.  This greatly bothered me but...what bothered me MORE was that I had even expected otherwise.  I was upset at myself for not LEARNING, a frustration I have had in every re-interaction with my ex or others in my life that have never shown interest in me.  YOU CANNOT TEACH EMPATHY.  People either have it, or they do not.   You may choose to be a martyr for them, but don't expect them to ever notice or appreciate it.

So. whether it be a relationship, a "friend" non-friend, a job, or a political candidate that has touted how he abused women and controls people and has said celebrities can do anything (why would you expect other than what comes out of his mouth and his own past), denial is a poison that the victim creates for themselves.  It doesn't change the situation or other people, it is only becoming a willing accomplice to one's own abuse.  Better to live and learn, take a step back to have a hope of a better tomorrow.  The longer you take to admit failure is the length you must wait to find real happiness.

Friday, October 7, 2016

Why I am not in the religious right...

I have a Bachelor's degree in religion, Bible Studies concentration.  I finished most of the seminary to boot at Liberty University, one of the most conservative institutions in the nation from the founder Jerry Falwell, who also founded the "moral majority" to affect politics.  I spent several years following down that path, until I could not stomach the blatant hypocrisy that exists in the religious communities of our day.  However, i knew that my turn from them would be interpreted as my being a "heathen" by them...especially when I divorced my emotionally and mentally abusive ex wife to find freedom and happiness in the days that followed. However, recent events I think opened a door for me to state publicly my opposition to this movement.

There is a reason that Christ avoided the temples of this day.  They were remnants of His own church, but they were all blatant hyprocrites that were more interested in condemning a man than saving him, more interested in discussing where he would spend eternity than healing him.  Honestly, I think that Jesus probably couldn't stomach his OWN church in that day, as with this day.

What is it that the "religious right" is known for in this day? is NOT for paying money to teach children or cure the sick.  In FACT, the religious right in EVERY election stands AGAINST taxes for those very reasons.  And, they are not even known for JESUS as much as they are for Pat Robertson, Jerry Falwell, Fox News, and the GOP.

I was a Republican for over a decade.  I believed that they wanted to do good, but I was really just buying into what they were selling...not what they were doing.  It is easy for them.  They just have to say....let's outlaw abortions and give tax money to churches.  And, the prostitutional church says...hallelujah ..pass the wine.  I recall last year when homosexuals wanted to marry, and their motto was "love wins"...NO ONE was upset when the Supreme Court said they could marry EXCEPT THE RELIGIOUS RIGHT.  They were upset that others that were not even of their religion would be allowed to do what their religious interpretation said was not if Christian beliefs could invalidate Consititional law that said the Supreme Court...not God...was the final judge for our legal system.  It is the SAME issue with abortion.  Whether you accept abortion as murder or just birth control (I tend to believe there is a life there), IT IS ESTABLISHED LAW.  And, for all the times that conservatives have condemned liberals for legislating from the bench, that is EXACTLY what they desire to do, themselves.

It is that hypocrisy that I want to address.  A common theme in conservative states is that they want money for God but to vote against tax money for the poor.  Indeed...most communities with mega chruches also have mega poverty, as the churches grow and the communities fail.  I live in a city, myself, that has many mega churches, who spend lots of time talking about bringing people (and tithe dollars) INTO the church, but they spend almost NO time talking about spending OUT to those in need.

And, in this Presidential election, it has become abundantly clear.  We have as our choices Hillary Clinton that has spent a whole LIFE of defending, educating, and feeding children, while Donald Trump is known for just being very rich (remember what Jesus said about the rich).  However, in the summer and following a New York Times prediction that they would do so, several church leaders met in secret to agree to endorse Donald as the righteous leader for our country that was, suddenly, born again.

And, since, we have heard quote after quote from his own mouth about how entire religions and races are to be banned, how women are something to be used, and other vicious attacks.  Today, a quote came out that has him saying that when you are a celebrity you can use women however you want, and he said he tried to have sex with a married woman (knowing she was married)...but, praise God...he is our puritanical leader.

It is not the sin or greed of Trump that I want to condemn.  He has always been as he is.  And, the GOP didn't make him this way.  He is the majority voted choice OF that party.  It is about a group of self righteous bigots that live pretending they live perfect little lives and condemning everyone that they cannot control or that disrupts their view of the world.  In short, it is pure fascism..the same fascism that drove Hitler to want to make Germany better again...only this time, the Holocaust is not jews but Muslims, gays, liberals, and anyone else that Donald Trump deems a political enemy.

I, for one, won't go down with the religious right ship, and I hope you won't either.

Sunday, October 2, 2016

Think for YOURSELF ...enslaved by acceptance or "leaders"

One thing you will have to get used to, if you are going to be happy, is the idea of thinking for yourself.

This is where the masses shout back...what do you mean?  I DO think for myself, they would explain because they know that they SHOULD do so. However, consider for a moment how real that is.  On a day to day basis, people are lead to conclusions by many others.  I do not just mean media.  I mean on what to think.  It is embarrassing, but it is true.

I faced this with my divorce, and you will face it being an original.  If you say something that interferes with the worldview they WANT to be true, they are going to ignore it.  For example, when I was getting divorced, because I was treated badly and wanted to be tree and happy from a controlling woman, I was judged for being a BAD man that was ABANDONING his wife.  Why?  Because, that is the portrayal of all divorce by most of the CHURCH and society, today.  No.....marriage is always good and divorce is always bad in the religious media and the conservative side.  They define "being married" as a success by a person and "being single" as a failure and "being divorced" as even more of a failure.  If you bring up ABUSE in a marriage...they will stick their fingers in their ears and say la la la la till you go away.  They don't care to ACTUALLY help anyone in need or pain...only make it go away so they can maintain their delusion.

This applies to many other issues, also.  Homosexuality for example.  I liked how the whole issue was illustrated when the Supreme Court declared it legal for homosexuals to marry, last year.  On the one side, you had people trying to MARRY and be HAPPY for themselves in an act that didn't affect any other person, using the hashtag #lovewins and on the OTHER side you had a bunch of people that were not DIRECTLY involved themselves...they were not gay or even being hit on by a gay person, but they felt it was their duty to TELL OTHERS HOW TO LIVE THEIR LIVES.  What was bad was that these were RELIGIOUS persons, who don't like being told by others what to believe, but they had no problem doing the same to the rest of the world.  Indeed...the church that was SUPPOSED to be KNOWN for their love (John 13:35) is, instead, being known for their hate, and those that are the target of their hate are being attacked for their love.

How did we get to this society situation?  It is because, like in the Dark Ages, we have churches that have turned from the practice of teaching ACTUAL scriptures and having people learn to love and, instead, start telling their people WHAT TO BELIEVE, and the church has turned from being people that think for themselves to sheep that seek out a leader..someone to tell them what to think and what to say.  They have to wait to hear what Fox News says about an issue, before they can formulate a response.  Why?  Because they have been conditioned to just accept what their leaders say as being true.  You have this on both sides, though..not just conservatives..though the left doesn't have weekly issue training seminars called church services.  I am sure this weekend, there will be many political things said, all in the name of RELIGION, and they will continue asking for tax dollars to enable this propaganda.  I do not say this as a non religion person or someone untrained int he bible.  I have a BIBLE DEGREE and most of SEMINARY training from one of the most conservative schools in the nation, Liberty University, and I KNOW that they are less interested in what the bible ACTUALLY says than erecting a "moral majority" (words from Jerry Falwell the founder of Liberty) platform for the specific purpose of TELLING PEOPLE WHAT TO THINK.

Well, back to happiness.  If you want to be happy, you are going to have to choose your happiness, even if the Moral Majority or peer community are against you.  Living your life to satisfy their mental bubble will not benefit you at all, and they will never thank you for doing it.  In fact, they will forget about you.  In fact, they are not thinking about you, now.  YOU are the only one responsible for thinking about you, and in the course of life YOU are the only one that will be responsible for your own course of where it goes and how things turn out.  And, if you choose happiness apart from their allowance, don't expect them to celebrate with you.  Your happiness or love or success will be an affront to them, and they will wait for you to fail to point it out....which is an indication you need to make new friends that support your future and your joy...but that is another blog.

Think for yourself, and choose your life.  Your bliss is at hand...or you can choose the depression of satisfying the mental boxes of others....up to you.

Thursday, September 22, 2016

Let them judge you.. Freedom

Over the last several years, since my divorce and as I got older, I have realized something about interactions with narcissistic or self centered individuals.  You have to let them their mind.. and walk away being judged in order to truly be free.

These type of individuals are absolutely certain that they know best and are right.  It is one of the things that defines their whole being, in fact.  They feel that it is their place to decide what is true and right for not only themselves but everyone else.  So, you BEGIN a conversation with someone that already has their mind made up.  When this is a person that has an impact on your days, this can be a difficult thing to get over.

These users and abusers of your time and being believe that you are good or bad, based on one thing...what you give to them.  It reminds me of a scene in Morgan, a movie about an artificial intelligence program gone bad.  The psychological testing man was talking to Morgan, who said that she loved this person.  He says (paraphrasing) what if I said I could free you...would you love me?  Then, he asks what if he said that he would recommend termination of the program, what impact would THAT have on her view of him?

I immediately saw every self centered person with whom I had interacted right in that scene.  GOOD is defined by what you bring to them...give to them.  Actually caring for the wellbeing of another and being willing to sacrifice to make them happy is not even a concept they consider.  If they have to GIVE, it isn't LOVE to them...when in fact, that is the opposite of the definition of love.  Love is a verb and it is ENTIRELY made up of giving to someone else.  That is the very definition of the word.  Love is giving, and that is true even of loving someone that does not give back to you.  That love is just not healthy, and that is where I get to my point of this article.

Now, the truth is that love SHOULD be conditional...but the difference is what is the condition.  It should not be like in Morgan based on THINGS you receive or desire.  The only true condition of love should be ...LOVE.  With that, you should not be lacking any thing (and if you are isn't LOVE you desire either but things).  Without love being returned, you are just an accomplice to your own abuse.  They will define your love for them by what you give to them, leaving you with nothing and depression.  When you finally decide to leave, they will be offended...not because you stopped loving them as they stopped long ago if ever.  They will be offended that you stopped LETTING THEM USE YOU.  And, that is what they will miss.  Don't forget that.  If they ever contact you, after...and they is likely that they only miss having someone to use, like a bully missing a weaker child to abuse.  What they miss is having a parental figure to give you all that they want, which is probably what they wanted in you, as well.

Anyway, as you leave, they will be angry for your leaving, and they will lie about you and judge you and do all kinds of things to try to get a rise out of you, including even acting NICE to you to get what they want from you.  However, ALL of this is done for one continue to use you.  If they TRULY loved you, they would respect your choice and want YOU to be happy and would give to make that happen.

Here is where the lesson I learned comes into play.  LET THEM JUDGE YOU.  I think there is an innate desire of humans to be proven to be right, and when someone is falsely condemning you, it is a slap to our name and identity.  We feel the desire to "set the record straight" and "prove we are right"...however, just consider for a moment what you would be winning.  If you engage in this argument, you have given their idiocy validity to debate, and if you convince them, you get more of ....THEM.  Is that really what you desire?

At least in my case, I have learned the peace of blocking my ex and walking away from conflict with an abuser.  Some would call that surrender, but considering what I get out of it vs what I get by engaging with them, I fail to see how it is anything but victory for myself and my future.  I think it is a lesson the world should learn, as well.  If someone hates you...let them.  As they say, you don't have to attend every argument to which you are invited.  Personally, I would rather spend my time with those that like me for me and being happy.

Sunday, September 18, 2016

Keeping Content Free - no book..donations welcome

After much thought, I have decided against creating books for each of the blogs but keeping all content from them free within the blogs.  I will create keywords for my blogs to pull past posts into search.

This site has two means of financial support for the benefits you receive.  First, I provide Amazon links to several items.  If you click on one of them (cookies off) and buy something, I will get a benefit from that sale (or any sale you make after such a click from that site).  Second, you have donations.  I JUST realized that the Paypal donation button I was providing was ONLY if you have a paypal account, so I have upgraded my account to a business under Living First Edition and will be folding ALL 3 blogs under that they are already under that Pinterest.

So, here is the new donation location, which I will be going back to add to prior posts and will add to future posts, as I get time.  Thank you.

Friday, September 16, 2016

Twitter Posts by Keyword

I have had an active Twitter account for much longer than my blogs.  However, it is the same account for all 3 blogs and my personal life.  So, it is harder to reference on the blog.  However, I wanr to provide a means of reference for it for use by blog readers.  So, here are some searches of my posts by Keyword for that site.  Many are shares from Instagram, but many are unique to there.  I hope you enjoy them and become a follower of me there (currently over 1,000 followers)...

Be You
Be Yourself
Be Happy
Live Life

Self Respect
Follow Your Bliss

Positive Choices

Thursday, September 15, 2016

Don't fall for the Grace Trap

I referenced this in passing in another blog, but I feel it deserves a full blog of explanation and exploration.  It is a very common theme among those that harm and those who are harmed... ok other words.. pretty much all life's arenas.  It is the conflict of grace versus justice.

If you are like myself and my fiance and others I know, you are a compassionate person that a user... or many.. have sought out to use and abuse our kind nature as a means of getting things from us without much care of our needs.  I explained in the narcissism article why these two groups seek each other.  Users are looking for someone easy to use, and those with them are often those that feel a need to sacrifice themselves to "save" the worst of the world. ..and, then, feel they are victims of the very worst they chose to be with.

I don't say this to condemn but as a former member of the "holy" enablers, myself.  Then, I woke up and stood up for myself, as I hope all of you do.  However, when you do stand up for yourself, you will experience something universally common to all such users. ..and, sadly enough, much of society will back them against you.  They will ask for grace.  Some may be honestly sorry and others manipulative.  However, the pattern will be abuse, apology till they are free of guilt, and a repeat of abuse.  This forgiveness and permission was what they liked about you from the start, after all.  And, as I said, much of society and the church will back them and unconditional and full of grace and expect you to forgive over and over and, most will ask you to forgive even without an apology, which God, Himself, does not do.

However, stop and consider something for a minute.   Of the two groups. ..those seeking grace and those seeking justice, which would contain all of those doing the harm or wanting to abuse?  How many rapists are out there asking for justice ...indeed...ANY criminal?  No, they would all fall neatly in the grace camp.  Ok... now, what about victims of those crimes or use?  Do you think victims are crying out for grace of their abuses or do they want justice?  With the exception of those that like pain and want to punish themselves, victims will fall in the camp of wanting justice.  So.... now...knowing this,  how much logic does it hold to say that those wanting grace are "good" and those wanting justice are "evil"... yet this is the message of many, today, that tells people to forgive and will condemn those who refuse to clear the wrong of their oppressors.  In full clarity, they are calling victims "evil" and the abusers "good" all for the word. ..grace.

So, don't fall for the grace trap of continuous abuse or guilt fir leaving it.  It is your life, and you deserve to be free, which even God understands in that He came to "proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to set the oppressed free." Luke 4:18. So, follow the will of God and be happily free.


Note.  This is the last of many posts that will go into my book to finish by year end.  There will still be activity on this blog but it will be smaller and spread out as this is compiled into the book.

Wednesday, September 14, 2016

Happy Happy Joy Joy (The Danger of Ultra Positivity)

In "Don't worry, Be Gloomy" of the September issue of Health magazine, they hit on an issue that I think is very needed to be addressed for the Forward to Happiness message.  Basically, while it is not healthy to dwell on negativity and is important to believe you can escape it and change your life, it is not GOOD to be unrealistically happy.  Indeed, it can be a sign of a mental illness, and I have experience that illness (mania) first hand in my ex.

I recall when I awoke from my sleep one night, after my youngest was born, to find my ex had written all over herself and was babbling about triangles.  As it turned out, this was the beginning of a post partum psychosis that would put her in a mental facility and make her unhelpful for the first two years of my youngest daughter's life.

However, after she "recovered" she would continue to have the SAME problems.  First, she would be overconfident about what she was able to do, believe she was invincible and completely right in all situations, see all opposition as being from "the devil" and that the world was against her, and she would do more and more activity and sleep less and less, till she would collapse into depression and another mental break...a cycle that happened again and again.  However, even before the break, this was the pattern...lots of activity and little concern for anyone but her herself and believing that ALL is well and perfect and awesome.  My decision to divorce her, due to her complete lack of empathy only fueled this, and it took me some time to fully grasp that it was not my leaving this hurtful situation that was causing this in her, but it was her cycle of self hurting and victimization, and I was only an unwilling participant.  ANYONE would have been the blame to whatever was not going as perfectly, as she desired.

While this is an extreme example, it is something you see in many people and groups in the world, today.  It is VERY common for people to live in self delusion.  The world is good, because they SAY it is good...because they NEED it to be good, in order to keep a mental control on their grasp of their purpose and place in the world and they NEED that place in the world to be a part of it.... because it must be about and from THEIR perspective.  And, so they sing the mantra...

Everything is Awesome Video

That song just comes to mind in thinking about this crowd...or the wayward pines mantra of, "work hard, be happy, and enjoy life in wayward pines."  No worry that you live in an insane world out of your control or your understanding.  No...just be happy.  Go with the flow.  Forgetaboutit as New Yorkers would say.  Just BELIEVE everything is great, and it will be...except, that is DENIAL and it is FICTION.

"Don't worry, be gloomy," says on page 124, "When we're overly cheerful, we tend to neglect important threats and dangers."  Also, it says, "When we're in 'everything is awesome!' mood, we're far more likely to jump to conclusions and resort to stereotypes...assume that the cute guy we've just met at the party is kind...or that we decide the bespectacled, middle aged man with a briefcase is more intelligent or reliable."

Indeed, this "halo effect" as the article calls it is responsible for a LOT of the problems that I have faced over time.  I have been criticized for believing the best in everyone, when not everyone has the best intentions....a habit I have sobered up from a lot.  The fact is that there is real threats out there, and you need a sober mind to see and address see what is REALLY going on, not what you WANT to be true, before it is too late.

The fact shouldn't have to and don't have to IMAGINE a kind person, when one presents itself to you or skew your perception to see the good in a really bad person. Just call it as it is, and address it as it stands in front of you.  You will save yourself a lot of stress in the long run and a lot of wasted time in finding the one that is TRULY worth it.  As the article says, "The paradox of happiness is that deliberately striving for it is fundamentally incompatible with the nature of happiness itself.  Real happiness comes through activities you engage in for their own sake rather than for some extrinsic reason." (page 125).

So, ditch the rose colored lenses of others and make decisions for your life on what you see acted out in front of you.  Judge others not by the intentions of your hopes but the reality of their deeds.  Further, don't fall for the "grace" and "mercy" pleads of those that want to keep you hanging on.  Think about it who asks for what in life.  The guilty and abusing seek "grace" and intent while the victims in life seek "justice" and action.  Make your decisions on what you desire to see, not what you want to hear.  Life is not always "awesome," and those that say it is are hiding from reality.  REAL emotion is necessary for a real CONNECTION, and isn't that what we are all after...a REAL and HAPPY life?


Sunday, September 11, 2016

Psychology Today Review of Narcissistists

 As I have said, I have, unfortunately, had a lot of experience with narcissistic people, but I found this issue of Psychology Today an interesting and useful read.  I would recommend it for anyone that is dealing with users or abusers or the careless in their lives

In fact, it has enlightened me about a few things.  For one, I think that I have been calling some people in my life narcissists, who were in fact psychopaths.  I will clarify...

There are two articles in this issue that relate to narcissism,  "The Real Narcissists" and "The anti-social network."  For the purpose of this post, I will only focus on the first, but the second is VERY good.  Indeed, I will finish with a quote from it.

In "The Real Narcissists," Rebecca Webber warns against mis-labeling this to be anyone that is withdrawn and focused on their own needs, stating correctly that in times of conflict, everyone gets defensive and focused on themselves.  It is not a passing argument or individual issue that defines a narcissist but a personality trait.  Further, there are two different kinds of narcissists, and this distinction I can verify, as I can see examples of both among those I have dealt with in the past.  Ms. Webber calls these two types "extroverted narcissists" and "vulnerable narcissists" and you have all seen examples of these types of personalities to one degree or another.  The extroverted narcissist "see themselves being in the top .1 percent in terms of talent, appearance, success, or all the above," (page 55) while the vulnerable narcissist sees themselves as the victim of all things and are negative about themselves.  They believe they are the "most helpful person" or "will be known for the good deeds I have done" or feel a "misunderstood genious in a world that refuses to accept their gifts." (page 57).  In other words, they are either exceptionally superior, or they are exceptionally a victim.  The point is that they are superior in their view..special..separate.  Also, their focus is ONLY upon themselves, and everything has to do with themselves.  

Sound familiar?  I have dealt with both kinds, and I have said that I believe that this is increasing in our society, an idea that is echoed by this article, as well, saying that "...the ris is a subject of fierce debate in the research community...NPI scores haven risen across generations." (page 60)  Further, I have said that I believed that the rise might have something to do with genetics, which is also verified.  On page 58 of the issue, Webber says, "One twin study found that narcissism was a highly heritable trait."  However, that was not always the case.  She says, "parenting styles, the influence of other relationships, and one's social and cultural environments can encourage (or deter) its development."  (page 58)  Further, as I have theorized, myself, she confirms that narcissistic people often couple up with enablers for their condition, who she calls "echoists."  She says, "They fear being a burden, so they can easily end up partnering with their opposite and getting stuck in the relationship."  (page 61)  She didn't go further than that, but I believe that narcissists would seek out this kind of person as their mate, because they are easily manipulated.

As I said, the second article was VERY informative, and I would suggest that you read that article, as well, but I will quote one paragraph that I feel is the most accurate description of 3 different destructive personality traits that the issue calls, "the Dark Triad."  On page 86, the article says, "Psychopathy is characterized by high impulsivity and low empathy; narcisissm is the personality trait of individuals with inflated sense of their own self worth; and Machiavelianism is characterized by manipulative and exploitave behavior."

As you reflect on that, I am sure that you, like myself, can see those 3 groups overlapping and some combination describing those destructive influences around you.

Well, I hope this helps to shine a light on a dark subject.  Most don't want to deal with destructive personalities, and they feel it is their "christian" duty to be their sacrificial lamb.  As the article warned, don't see the qualities where they exist, but don't ignore them, either.  Not everyone is "normal" and just "misunderstood."  Some are, actually, self centered assholes or those that see the ability to manipulate you as not the character flaw you see but a quality of their own actions of "success" in their mind.  Pay attention to your needs and your own happiness.  Those that are afflicted with these conditions will never see that they are "wrong" is contrary to their nature.  It is going to be up to you to step out from their control...or, you can continue being a holy doormat, who will NEVER be appreciated for the sacrifice.  It is up to you.

Dress Lily

NYT > Arts

Harry Potter Daily Wine Picks


Daily Dish - Los Angeles Times